Private
by ThyNameNotSpoken
Summary: Kira the Killer. The nickname she earned after the attack on Shignashira. The day she lost everything she had left. Slowly she slips into the grasp of insanity. Commander Erwin tasks Levi Ackerman with bring back one of his best soldiers from the edge of hopelessness. Personal feelings get involved, debts are paid, and memories bring back pain. Story Complete, but sequel is posted.
1. Chapter 1

**There will be three different POVs in this story: italicized are past memories, Kira's POV, and third person POV. It will be easy to tell which is which. This is not a sappy love story a bit on the humorous side occasionally. I'm considering this a slight AU because although I do follow the storyline of events based on the anime things aren't exact.** **I won't be rehashing anything** **. I hope you like. Feel free to comment and like.** **I own all of my OC's in this story.** **ENJOY!**

 _"I'm joining the Survey Corps!" I refused to look up and meet their eyes. So many have come back dead. I have to do something dammit._

 _"What on earth are you thinking, Kira?! Do you want to get yourself killed?" my mother broke down and cried. Not that I could blame her. I looked up slowly and met the fearful eyes of my family members._

 _"I've already made up my mind. I'm doing this one way or another. But I promise you this mom, I will come home alive and well."_

 _"What about you soldier, why did you join the guard?" I considered giving him a false answer but decided against it._  
 _"To figure out who I am and defend the people I love, Sir!" I looked on ahead. I could tell from my peripheral vision that my comrades were shocked along with the general. He moved on and I relaxed a little._

 _Those three years were rough, but I loved them. I was ranked in the top ten coming in at 6_ _th_ _. I could have lived a nice life in the military police branch, but I had no plans of becoming a carrot and sitting on my ass all day while others continued to die. Then came the choosing. My choice had been cemented from the beginning: Survey Corps. Maybe I did have a death wish…_

Smoke signals caught my eye pulling me from my thoughts. Green from the right flank; I was on the left. Course change. We were nearing Wall Marina. She could be seen in the distance, but it was the smoke rising that caught the attention of the regiment. Panic. A Titan so huge it stunned Commander Erwin for a moment before he gave the order to break formation and charge at full speed, but the damage was done. There wasn't much we could do except rescue as many civilians as possible.

"Mom! Jema! Anyone! Answer me dammit!" I didn't want to believe my whole family was dead. It just couldn't be possible. Someone had to have survived. I watched as a Titian dropped my littlest sister into its mouth. Mary. She always wore her hair in a long, blond braid… I watched it slip through the titans teeth.

Something snapped. Blood steamed off me profusely. I lost count of the Titans I killed, but they kept coming through that damn hole. A 14 meter rounded a building and looked at me.

"Bring it on you bastard!" I was about to push off but someone grabbed the collar of my uniform. It was a strong grip defiantly male, but I could have cared less. Braking free of their grasp I attacked slicing the back of the neck. Standing atop the dead, steaming Titan I wondered how many were dead. Everything was moving in slow motion as I came off my high.

"Free, listen to me! We need to go right now! Commanders called a retreat." I knew who he was by face. I didn't like knowing people's names. I nodded and followed him and rejoined everyone else. Whispers filled the air. I was still covered in Titan blood that was quickly steaming off. I could only imagine what I looked like. And I wondered who was really the monster here.


	2. Chapter 2

No one in my family survived the attack on Shignashira. Somehow I became even more withdrew from the Corp, almost becoming a revenge hungry lone wolf…well, maybe I was or maybe I just wanted to see how much I could get away with till I got punished. I was sure it would be soon.

I wasn't as lucky as I had hoped to be with our new arrival Eren Jeager. The Titan shifter. I had hoped that my withdraw would be swept under the rug for now. I should have known better with our top clean freak in charge of punishments. I mentally cursed myself as my hands were chained behind my back and I was led to a post.

For some odd reason I remembered what one of my mentors had called me during my time in the Trainee Corps "The Perfect Soldier" I guess I was: took orders without question, proficient in all areas, not to mention I have one of the highest number of Titan kills. Not that I cared for them much. It's just a number anyhow.

"You really are a troublesome brat, you know that?" I looked up at Corporal Levi for a moment before shifting my gaze to the air in front of me. Mentally I prepared for the blow. That didn't help much.

"You think you can just go around doing whatever you want? Think you're better than everyone else? Well I'll have to brake you of that. You remind me of a stubborn horse I once had." The whole time he continued to kick me. Blood was beginning to blur my vision. I deserved all of it. I was a stubborn horse. I was being a troublesome brat. Maybe that's why I laughed. Some sick part of me found all of this funny.

I received several more blows before they suddenly stopped. I looked up confused. "She's had enough." Commander Erwin said to Corporal Levi.

I was led back to my room after I was all patched up. I got quite a few stitches I might add and a stern talking-to from our lead MD who I was under the training of. I woke up sore, but never the less made my way to the stables. I was on horse duty for a while. Not that I really minded.

Commander thought it best that I was put under Captain Levi's instruction until further notice. Maybe it was for the best. The clean freak just might do me some good. Wishful thinking right.

 **Review please. Thanks for reading~**


	3. Chapter 3

**So yesterday I was scrolling through tumblr and seen this post were this person said we should start using the term UA which mean Universe Altering, because their are stories out there like mine where its the same universe but things are changed and added, but it's not modern or anything. So lets make this a thing.**

 **Thank you to SecretWishX and Guest for reviewing! You guys are awesome. I don't own SNK**.

Levi looked over Kira Free's file. Her numbers were impressive: Battle Skill- 10/10, Agility- 10/10, Team Work- 3/10.

"Explains a lot." He murmured sipping his tea. "What else." Collectiveness- 8/10, Shyness- 5/10, Intelligence- 8/10, Weight- average, Height- 5'1", Age- 26, Vitality- 10/10, Most Proficient Quality: problem solving and stealth. Recorded Titan kills: 71 single kills, 6 team kills, total kills unknown.

"Impressive numbers indeed" he admitted it was odd seeing her covered in blood earlier that day and it not evaporating away. He continued to look over the file looking for what tipped her over the edge from an obedient soldier to one pushing every boundary. Previous Residency: Shignashira. Levi sighed heavily as the file went on. Known Family: Deceased. Status: Orphan. There it was.

It unnerved him thinking back to the way she laughed during her punishment. Levi drew the conclusion that after her entire family died her sanity slipped further and further. She was by no means stupid. He could tell that much just by looking at her, so she had to have known that punishment was coming.

Currently Kira was positioned as one of the ten lone scouts that road two kilometers from the main formation. One of the most dangerous positions. Levi closed the file and leaned back in his chair. Standing he went downstairs to the mess hall where everyone was eating. Taking his seat next to Erwin the Commander struck up a conversation.

"Levi, I was beginning to think you wouldn't be joining us."

"I was looking over Cadet Kira's file." Levi responded.

"Ah yes, I want to talk to you about her. Although she is very good in her position as a scout I think it would be best if she was put under a squad."

"I agree. Perhaps Hanji would be suitable—"

"I've already decided that she'll be put under your squadron, Levi." Levi hesitated for a moment.

"May I ask why, Commander?"

"She's stubborn, hard headed, has a short temper, and the strongest will I've ever seen. I believe you're the only one who can successfully mold her back into place." Levi nodded trusting Erwin's instinct.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm not in trouble I've already been punished, so WHY did Commander send for me? I had no idea and it was driving me mad. Every possible scenario ran through my head. I stood outside the Commanders personal office a moment before knocking. The door opened to reveal Corporal Levi and for a second I panicked thinking I had the wrong room. Levi opened the door further allowing me in. Commander Erwin sat at his desk. Levi sat down on the couch in front of the desk. I sat at the other end.

I felt like a little kid again. Sitting in my grandfather's office as he had meetings. In fact I was so deep in thought about my grandfather I completely missed the Commanders question. Worst part was I was looking straight through him. I spaced out, but it looked like I was purposely ignoring him.

"S-sorry what did you say Commander, Sir?" he looked amused. That's good, maybe I'm not in trouble.

"I asked how you were doing today."

"Umm, fine, Sir. Thank you for asking." Commander Erwin lased his fingers and leaned forward.

"You wouldn't happen to be the granddaughter of Commander Free would you?" grandpa… I smiled despite myself. It was a sad smile though.

"Yes, but he died 17 years ago." I frowned thinking about his death. "Sometimes I wish he would have been eaten by Titans. At least you can see that enemy. Cancer on the other hand." I realized I was staring straight through Commander and refocused my vision on his eyebrows.

"My condolences." I said nothing. I knew he had more to say. "I'm reassigning you to Corporal Levi's squadron." Great more punishment.

"Yes, Sir" I stood and saluted the Commander. He smiled also standing.

"There's the soldier I remember. You're free to go. You'll report to Corporal Levi later this evening to meet your new team members." I flinched and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Yes, Sir. Understood, Sir." I about faced and walked out.

 **I'm so glad that you readers are enjoying my story and my OC. I'm writing this as a continuous document and then copy and pasting chapters in. So at the moment I've got like 32-ish chapters wrote out. I've decided that I'll post two chapters at a time, because 1 I've got so much already done and 2 all the chapters are very short.**

 **So follow, favorite, and comment as the story continues! I'll take constructive criticism. I want this story to be the best it possibly can! Thanks again!**


	5. Chapter 5

"Why didn't you answer me? You knew I was looking for you." Kira shrugged transfixed on a butterfly floating by.

"You didn't specifically call for me so I didn't answer." It was a smart ass answer and she knew it when a foot collided with her head and she fell ten feet to the forest floor. "Well it's the truth." She muttered into the dirt before getting up. Levi stood not far away.

"Come." He motioned for her to follow. They entered a private room Kira still rubbing the goose egg on the back of her head. After entering the room she stood at salute. They were still her superiors after all.

"Kira the Killer." She was aware of the nick name she'd earned. Although it was redundant in her opinion. Her mother had chosen the name because the sound, she didn't learn the meaning till a few years later.

"I'm Petra, it's nice to meet you." Petra smiled kindly. Kira smiled back as best she could.


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you sure this will work Hanji?" I asked our very own mad scientist. She was too gigiddy to answer. We waited for Eren to turn. He was at the bottom of an empty well but nothing happened. Cautiously we looked in only to see human Eren with bloody hands and mouth.

He couldn't turn then, but he did later. Ya, that was interesting.

"Kira get back! It's not safe!" Petra yelled at me as I stood right next to Eren and some of his Titan. Ignoring her and the others I climbed up and knelt next to poor terrified Eren as he tried to free his hand. I helped him pull his hand out. It was really stuck in there. The force knocked both of us off the now steaming Titan.

I pulled Eren to me and he buried his head in my chest. Glaring at all of them they lowered their weapons finally listening to Levi. I gently combed my fingers through his dark hair waiting for his trembling to cease. He had every right to be scared. One wrong move and they would have killed him. No hesitation.


	7. Chapter 7

_"Kira, do you think Mom will like these?" Purple. Her favorite color._

 _"They're weeds. She'll probably just throw them away." A sour taste filled my mouth. Jema's face sadden as she look at the purple flowers clutched in her hand. "It's you though, so maybe she'll keep them." My mouth only got sour._

 _"Mary, hurry up! We don't have time for you to chase butterflies, now come on!" I didn't feel like dealing with them today. Not after last night._

 _"Well then come on slow-poke!" Jema and Mary ran ahead of me bundles of flowers clutched in each of their hands. I stuffed the final rabbit into my bag and followed my annoying sisters._

 _Dust rose in the distance._

 _"Mary! Jema! Get out of the way!" I pulled them aside, closer to the tree line. We watched as the Trainee Corps passed us. One more year._

 _"Look! That'll be you one day right?" Jema smiled at me while pointing at the passing group on horseback._

 _"Let's go home."_

 **I forgot to post a chapter yesterday. Sorry. That just means you got three today. Review, follow and favorite! Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for the views and follows**

"Kira, are you paying attention?" Petra asked me, however, I had no idea what was going on around me.

"Uhh, no, I guess not." I frowned at my soup.

"Oh, then what were you thinking about? You seemed angry or upset about it. Are you ok?" leave it to Petra to be so caring.

"It was nothing." I shoved a spoon full of cold soup in my mouth. Bland.

"Are you still upset about yesterday?" her voice got a little softer. What happened yesterday? Oh, yeah.

"No. It was just a misunderstanding after all." I looked at the teeth marks on her thumb. She smiled.

"I understand if you don't want to tell me. Must be something personal. You have really good instincts you know."

"What instincts?" I looked her in the eyes.

"About people and situations. It's really impressive. I wish I could do that."

"Oh, well, thank you Petra."

"Hey, what are you two goin on about?" Oluo smirked from down the table.

"Nothing that concerns you." I finished the last bit of soup and stood to take my tray back.

"Don't be so harsh, Kira! Have a little fun." He laughed. Fun… I stopped walking for a moment. I single moment. Only a moment…

"KIRA! KIRA! What's wrong with you!? Kira answer me!" Petra…? Why was she so far away?

I opened my eyes. My lungs ached like I hadn't been breathing for several minutes. Oluo was laying on the floor several cadets surrounding him. His nose sat at an odd angle. His lip was busted open and blood ran down his chin staining his uniform.

"What's going on here?" Levi demanded. Oluo was struggling to get up clutching his chest. I looked over at Petra who held my right arm in a firm grip.

"Petra…what happened?" I still felt like I was in a dream.

"I asked a question: What's going on in here?"

"Levi." Petra exclaimed grabbing his attention. He knelt next to Oluo who grimaced in pain. Did I do that? No, I would never hurt my team mate. Would I?

I let out a yelp as a hand connected with my cheek spinning my head to the right. I looked at Levi. He looked as calm as usual, but I knew he was pissed.

"Bring her." Petra and Eld nodded leading me out of the mess hall. My legs gave out. My dead weight caused Petra and Eld to drop me. I couldn't react quick enough to catch myself. Levi lifted me up by my shirt. Out of pure reaction I gripped his fists.

"Levi! I don't think she knows what she did!" Petra tried to calm the tension rapidly growing.

"Is this true?" he asked me.

"I-I was going to take my tray back. T-Then Petra was yelling at me and Oluo was on the floor—" I let go of his hand to cover my mouth to keep from sobbing. "I-I deserve any punishment you decide to give me, Corporal." I looked away from them. To ashamed of my actions to look any of them in the eye. Levi let me go pushing me back to the floor.


	9. Chapter 9

**Super duper short chapter :/**

Levi sat down in Erwin's personal office thinking of the recent events. "She claims to have black out. I believe her." Erwin laced his fingers together.

"Do you know what caused her to snap?"

"No. We're still processing the events. However, it's clear she regrets whatever she did. I'd say that's punishment enough for the pitiful brat."

 **See told ya.**


	10. Chapter 10

_"_ _Grandpa, why are you bringing me to work with you?" he smiled down at me, so I smiled back._

 _"_ _Because I convinced your mother to let you out of her sight for a day." He picked me up settling me on his shoulders. I laughed loving being able to see over the heads of passing adults._

 _I sat in the corner quietly listening to my grandpa's conversations. He and two other men were looking over a map with little wooden figures in several places. I could just barely see over the table._

 _Red means bad. Titans?_

 _Green means good. So soldiers? Seems simple enough._

 _"_ _Wha bout dere, mister?" I pointed to and open area on the map. I could barely reach it. All three men looked shocked. I thought I was in trouble._

 _"_ _S-She's right. Our left flank is exposed." The man rubbed this chin thoughtfully. My grandpa just laughed._

 _"_ _That's my granddaughter."_

 _That night Jema was born. My grandmother made me watch._


	11. Chapter 11

**It's getting good...**

I fired a flare and several more fired off. Levi had temporarily assigned me to scout again. It felt good. The formation shifted.

I could immediately tell this was no ordinary titan. A female. I fired the variant flare. I caught its eye. The focus in its eyes. I could see emotion. Like Eren. I couldn't breathe.

"Dammit!" I road forward to see if she'd follow. After a moment's hesitation she ran towards the shifting formation away from me. Heart hammering I turned my horse to go after her. I switched to 3DMG.

Protect the formation at any cost. This wasn't any ordinary titan. I assumed the very worst, but I still was only barely about to stay out of her grasp. I wiped blood from my lip.

"Bitch." She kept running towards the formation. I had a really bad feeling. "Not good. NOT good." I frantically tried to figure out what the best plan of action was. I couldn't defeat her by myself. If I don't do anything she'll reach the formation. I could ride to Commander Erwin and alert him, but by then it'll be too late. Levi made it clear that Eren was still my main priority. I knew what I had to do.

Maybe if I'm fast enough it won't be too late. I knew, however, that it was just wishful thinking. I kicked my horse harder. Rushing to the back of the formation. I pasted Petra, a mostly healed Oluo his injuries hadn't been as bad as they had looked, and the others till I was next to Levi. He didn't look happy.

"Why in hell did you leave you post, you shitty brat." Woah. That's a new one.

"I regret to inform that there's not much of a post left, Corporal." I didn't want to think about it. I wiped more blood from my lip. I looked back at the others. They stared at me with wide eyes. I suppose being thrown to the ground multiple times had left a mark.

"Kira, what do you mean?" Petra shouted over the beating hooves. I looked at Eren.

"I could be wrong…, but I think it's another human-titan." Levi's face never faltered unlike the others. He knew…

"Return to your post, Kira." I nodded to Levi giving him a hard look letting him know I knew he knew. I pulled back and headed back to the right flank, or what was left of it that is. I decided to ride to the front. I saw an emergency flare and was about to go till I saw Christa riding in that directing with two other horses.

This day was just getting worse and worse.


	12. Chapter 12

Kira followed the female titan from a safe distance trying to figure out what she was after. She attacked, adrenalin pumping like a hurricane through her veins. She managed to make a deep cut across the titan's spinal cord. Kira swung back deepening the cut. Anchoring herself to the titans back she drove her swords into the gash severing the spinal cord. The titan fell to the ground unable to move.

"Here, that should slow you down for a minute or two." The titan growled. Her hands tightly clasped behinds its neck. The whole attack. "You want to kill me don't you?" she slashed out its eyes and drover her swords into the spinal cord again, severing any healing. "Up to you now Levi." She muttered taking off to find the surprise attack she was sure was going to happen.

She crouched in a tree waiting for events to unfold. She soon heard Levi and the others and a LOT of yelling mostly at Levi. They road through the female titan following close behind. Too close for Kira's liking.

"Fire!" Kira watched as harpoons shot out dam near everywhere. Levi left his squad and stood on the trapped titans head. The monster began yelling like the animals she caught in traps. When she pointed her riffle at them. When they knew this was their end.

A blood bath. Eren.

Kira turned from the fight, covered in Titan blood, remembering her priority. She had to find Eren and the others. Levi was soon beside her.

She almost faltered. Almost. She felt every muscle tense. Everything slowed. She looked away from their bodies. She focused on Eren.

Mikasa.

"He's alive. I know he is." She assured them.

Kira snapped during the fight against the female Titan to get back Eren. Levi took care of getting Eren back and injuring his foot in the process of saving Mikasa, but Kira full on rage was intent on digging out the human inside.

"You can cove the nape of your neck all you want, but I'll just dig you out from the other side! I'll kill you myself! You mother fucking bitch! Why would you do this! To your own kind!" tears ran down her cheeks like a river as blood and flesh flew from her blades.

Levi seeing this stopped to hand Eren to Mikasa and swung back to grab Kira who in turn struggled in his grip steaming with blood. He knew it was no use trying to talk to her. She was too angry: at the titan, at Mikasa, but mostly at herself.

She cried out, cursing Levi. Eventually she stopped and only cried.

"I-I should have been with them. Ma-Maybe I could have helped them. Maybe they wouldn't be dead." This was why she didn't like knowing people names. This was why she liked being a loner. So she couldn't get attached to people only to see them die and leave. She was too damn caring and she always got hurt in the end. Always. No exceptions.


	13. Chapter 13

I swung my medical kit around gripping it tightly in my hand. I looked for Levi. We were resting for a moment before finishing the few kilometers to the wall. I found him standing next to Commander Erwin favoring his leg.

"Corporal." I got their attention. "You should let me wrap your ankle. We wouldn't want you injuring it more." Commander Erwin nodded agreeing. Levi settled himself on a nearby wagon.

"This is gonna hurt." I warned him. As gently as I could I removed the boot from his injured foot. He let out a string of curse that made me blush. His ankle was swollen and a multitude of colors. "Well good news is that I don't think it's broken. Just a bad sprain." I received only a grunt as a response.

Slowly I began wrapping his foot making sure it was just the right amount of pressure.  
"You're filthy." I looked up at Levi a little confused.

"Sir, is this really the time?" he ignored me taking a napkin out of his pocket and rubbing whatever grime that had collected on my cheek off. I don't know why, but more tears spilled over my cheeks. Quickly I finished wrapping his foot and helped him put his boot back on.

"It feels much better. Thank you."

"It's just my job, Corporal." I quickly shoved my supplies back into the pack. "Try to keep pressure off your foot for a while. Doctors' orders." I added the last part as an afterthought.

"No one could guess how this would turn out, Kira."

"I know that, Sir." I turned and walked away. I went to check on Eren.

 **For those of you who haven't figured out our are new I update everyday after 3:00. Every other weekend will be hard because I have no wifi, but come Monday I'll update again. Aldo thanks for the comments and such! See ya later!**


	14. Chapter 14

_Faster! Dammit they could be home any minute!_

 _The door opened._

 _A scream. More yelling._

 _Lots of running._

 _I won't let them go hungry! I skidded around a corner and dove under an awning. Out of sight of the military police. I sighed cautiously making my way home. I cried._

 _"I'm sorry Daddy."_


	15. Chapter 15

"Another one." I told the bartender.

"You're from the Survey Corps, right?" I nodded to him. "Heard you guys took a hard hit on your last 'venture passed the wall." I nodded again. Petra and the others flashed through my mind. "Poor thing." He muttered before turning to other customers.

Knocking back the shot I left. The cool air felt good. I looked up hoping to see stars, but the sky was cloudy. I kinda wished Levi was here. Crazy as it may seem. Maybe we could sulk together. I hope he's keeping off that leg.

"If he's not—" I punched my fist into my hand. I had an epiphany. I realized I was drunk. "Greeeaaat." I glared at the sky like it had something to do with my current state. Maybe it did.

"Kira!"

"Eh?" I turned looking for the voice. I held I hands out in a gun fashion. "Who's there?!"

"Kira, a-are you drunk?"

"Yes-NO!" I squinted at the figure. "Jessica?" the figure smiled.

"I can't believe it! It's so good to see you! I looked for you before you're last expo, but I couldn't find you." My mind sobered up a little. "I was actually kinda worried you didn't make it. Silly me for doubting your epic ninja skills." She grinned at me and I couldn't help but smile back. Jessica and I were a part of the same Trainee Corps. She chose the Garrison like I knew she would.

"It's good to see you." I hugged her.

"That rough, huh?"

"You have no idea."

She let me stay at her place that night. Probably a good thing too. Who knows where I would have ended up in my drunken state.

 **I love Jess. Thanks for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

"It's completely unfair how you don't get hangovers!" Jessica ranted.

"I get hangovers! They're just not overwhelming." I had a mild headache.

"That reminds me! You know how people say they're overwhelmed or underwhelmed? Why doesn't anyone just say they're whelmed?"

I frowned at my coffee. It was too early for this type of deep thinking.

"W-We need to get going." I grabbed her hand just as she pulled on her uniform jacket.

"Hey, slow down!" we walked to the square where the Survey Corps was meeting up at. Jessica was at myside with wide, excited eyes. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders smiling. She flung her arm out pointing at something.

"Hey remember our game?"

"Our game? I think—oh no…"

"Oh yes! Hottie 3 o'clock!" she yelled quite loudly getting the attention of several people.

"I hate you."

"No you don't." I didn't even want to know who she was pointing at, but I looked anyway. I gripped the collar of her shirt and shook her.

"Are you crazy!" she raised her hands in a surrendering fashion.

"Oohh is someone jealous? Don't worry you can have him if you must." She looked away dramatically. I put her in a head lock.

"Tap out! Tap out!" she laughed. "Oh look you're blushing! You are definitely not whelm right now." I tightened my grip on her neck.

"How hard do I have to squeeze before your eye's pop out, I wonder."

"You wouldn't." she glared up at me. I squeezed harder and she stuck her tongue out.

"Kira what are you doing to that girl?" I looked up at Levi. I let Jessica go and saluted him. From the ground she smiled up at him with a dopy grin.

"You're even better up close." She saluted him. "OH, look Kira there's another one! Why did you get so lucky?" she whined.

"Kill me now. Please Levi." I begged him.

"Ohh, so this was Levi?"

"What's that supposed to mean." I growled at her. She grinned mischievously.

"What was the word you used to describe him? Smeh? No. Smhe? No. Oh I remember! Sex-!" I slapped my hand over her troublesome mouth and began dragging her away.

"I did NOT say that and you know it." I hissed at her as we walked away.

"Well I thought it was funny." She shrugged. When we were a safe distance away I let her go. "Hey I gotta question."

"What is it?" I sighed.

"How does Levi get on his horse?" she looked back at the crowd. I went to answer, but I couldn't come up with one.

"I-I-I—it's too early for deep thinking."


	17. Chapter 17

_"_ _Kira, where did all this food come from?" Jema and Mary stuffed their face with my bounty._

 _"_ _I made a deal with a guy. Eat up." I snatched up a loaf of bread for myself._

 _It was for them. That family will be fine._

 _Mom won't care. I looked at her lock bedroom door. How long had she been in there?_

 _"_ _It's just me now." I told myself. I looked at my sister. Smiling happy to see them full for once. "I'll be back later. Don't open the door for anyone. You know the rules!" I called to them grabbing my knife and pulling up my hood. I was half way down the block when I got tackled. I rolled kicking the person off._

 _"_ _I'll kill you! I know what you did!" he seen me._

 _"_ _I don't know what you're talking about!" I yelled back pushing him off once more. My hood fell back and he stopped for a moment._

 _"_ _You! Why would you need to steal food?" he pointed an accusing finger at me._

 _"_ _I'm sorry. Ok. I'm…sorry." I started crying again. "I-I couldn't watch them starve anymore. I'm so sorry. You can have anything I catch today. I swear. Just don't turn me in. They can't survive without me." I'm such a pathetic baby. He held his hand out to me. I took it standing._

 _"_ _You're dad's the one who died the other month, right?" I couldn't believe it._

 _"_ _It's only been a month?" he gave me a sad smile._

 _"_ _My name's Michael. You don't need to steal food anymore. Ok?"_

 **Jessica and Michael are my OC's and I love them. Thanks for reading! Comments and hearts are very much appreciated. Oh and happy Martin Luther King day.**


	18. Chapter 18

"Hey Kira, we all know what Jess was about to say. Just so you know." I felt my eye twitch.

"Shut up Michael." I warned. He wrapped an arm around me.

"Loosen up Kira. Take a joke, won't ya? Jess was just playin around. You know how she is." He shrugged. "Besides I think it's good to get you a little riled up after, well, you know." I didn't want to think about it.

"I guess you're right."

"Of course I am!"

"Ah, Kira, I was unaware you had friends."

"Fuck me." I muttered quietly. Not wanting to deal with Levi right now.

"Only if you ask nicely." Michael ginned smacking my ass and laughing. I had let out a very undignified yelp. I covered my face with my hands.

"Horrible friends really, Sir."

"How dare you!" Michael yelled sweeping me off my feet bridal style. "Come one, come all! Witness the acclaimed Kira the Killer in her vulnerable state." Many people gathered around, most wearing uniforms, while I tried to claw his eyes out and get out of his grasp. But I was a tiny, angry thing and he was not.

"You bastard!" I yelled.

"Come on Kira, you and I both know you can be way more creative than that." He scoffed at me. Everyone was laughing. A few crying. I was pretty sure I even heard the Commander laugh. I think Levi was just enjoying my humiliation. Good. This better worth something.

Finally he set me down after demonstrating to the crowd that I was, in fact, ticklish. Asshole


	19. Chapter 19

I stared back at my reflecting in the shiny red ornament. Setting it back on the shelf I picked up a sparkly blue one in the shape of a star. 2015 was scrolled across the front.

"What do you think the Donnie would like for Christmas?" Iris tapped her chin thoughtfully next to me.

"Nothing you can afford I'm sure. Maybe even pronounce for that matter." I attempted a smile, but it felt awkward and unnatural.

"I wonder how Mack's doing with Raph's present. Think she'll get him nail polish?" that was a funny image.

"As funny as that would be I think she's getting him a new wrench set. I overheard him complaining to Donnie about it." Iris nodded thoughtfully.

"I don't know what we'd do without you. He'd probably would end up with nail polish." Any good feeling that may have been within me vanished in an instant.

"About that," my tongue felt dry and swollen. "I'm leaving." I made sure to not look at her. I didn't want to see her expression.

"Where? Why?" her voice was flat and level, highly trained.

"Don't know, but even if I did I wouldn't tell you." I knew Iris would understand, but Carrie, Mackenzie, and the guys would have a harder time. "Hugo at the moment is missing or is still in space, but it's not exactly like I'm on good sides with the Agency either."

"I hate to say it, but I think you're right. At least till things calm down." A crowd of noisy teenagers walked by. "When are you leaving?" I decided that the blue ornament would do perfectly. "Soon then." She answered when I didn't reply. "Will you at least make it to Christmas?"

Her front was cracking. A waver entered her usually steady voice. Gently I shook my head examining the ornament. "No. Yesterday a van was sitting across from the apartment. Even if I were to move in with the guys or someone else they'd find me. I made a promise to Master Splinter to keep their secret safe. I can't risk that or any of you. I will come back and I'll keep in touch with you."

"Alright," she straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath. "what do you need?"

"Someone to erase me from the system completely. I want nothing left."

"That can be arranged" an elderly couple walked by. "Anything else?" I bit my lip thinking about to what I was going to say next.

"Give this to Leo for me." I handed her the glass ornament. She nodded with tears in her eyes.

"What about Carrie and Mack? Are you going to say goodbye to them?"

"Yes, were having dinner over there at five and I already talked to Raph by now he's told the others. I'll be gone by tomorrow morning."

"Then good bye."

 _Dear Leo,_

 _I guess it's pretty cowardly to tell you this through a note instead of face to face, but I just couldn't. My Mom used to tell me love comes in all shapes and forms. I suppose she was just preparing me for when I met my father. But I now know she was defiantly right, crazy as it may seem._

 _Merry Christmas Leo. Stay out of trouble._

 _Love,_

 _Shadow_

The note that had been stuffed in the neatly wrapped box along with the ornament was creases from the numerous times Leo opened and reread the note. Month's maybe? He forgot how long she'd been gone. A year? Something like that.

She called sometime, but only ever Iris and never for long periods of time. A knock pulled him from his thoughts.

"Leo it's for you!" Mikey called. Confused he took the payphone from his hyper brother who had a goofier grin than usual.

"Hey." Came simply through the receiver. A soft smile drifted over Leo's features.

"Hey."

 **I could come up with a ton of excuses for the lateness, but I'll only say two: School is demanding! And I just didn't want it to end ya know? :"( I've become attached to these characters and I just was selfish and didn't want to see the story stop. But it has stopped and I thank all of you who stayed along for the ride. There probably will be a sequel of sorts. Just be on the lookout.**

 **Also if you like ATLA check out my story Fire Eyes.**


	20. Chapter 20

"I'm going to kill you both!" I yelled when I entered the apartment building. Jessica and Michael exchanged a look.

"Run!" they each yelled.

"She can't catch us both!" Jess yelled jumping the sofa.

I had both of them in a head lock. Both of them were laughing.

"This is just like second year of training." Michael laughed. I grimaced at the memory. I let them go.

"You know you love us." Jess smiled at me.

"Ya, I guess so." I smiled back. I was glad both of them were in the Garrison and not the Survey Corps.

"So what was the female titan like?" Michael asked me. I thought about it.

"She's no ordinary titan. She's like Eren. A human that can transform into a titan. It was horrible." All that blood. They looked away.

"Why would someone do that?" Jessica wondered out loud.

"That's what we're trying to figure out."


	21. Chapter 21

_We were just walking home. Just like any other day._

 _Two months since Dad died._

 _Suddenly I was rolling and it got a whole lot darker._

 _"_ _KIRA!" Jema screeched as a bulky man shoved her against the wall. I gripped my knife seeing double for a second. Another man had hold of Mary who was crying hysterically._

 _Blood covered my hands. It was thick and sticky. I wanted to throw up._

 _A group of Military Police came rushing in. I pointed my knife at them while shoving my terrified sisters behind me._

 _"_ _Easy now, you're ok. Just put the knife down."_


	22. Chapter 22

Michael and I circled each other. He was at least twice my size in both height and weight. At one point I was taller than him. That lasted for a hot minute then this crazy thing called puberty came crashing in and he shot up like a spring sapling.

The two of us had grown up together, well since I stole from his family that is. So since we were ten-ish. We'd met Jessica during out first year of training.

I dodged a punch. I ducked another one coming up with a sucker punch and he just barely dodged. Our little training session continued till we were both out of breath and sweating.

"Still quick as ever." Michael huffed taking a swig from his canteen. Only around Michael and Jess did I wear only a sports bra and shorts. "Sooo, this Levi, he's your squad leader, right?" I nodded unsure of where this was going. "He's really short."

"You're just a giant." He was 6'2" to my 5'1". He chuckled. "Isn't your shift soon?" he nodded standing. I gathered up my uniform. I looked out the window for a moment. Just a bunch of rooftops and, in the distance, the wall.

I buttoned up my white undershirt. Exchanged my comfy shorts for the tight white pants. I quickly buckled all my straps and slid my jacket on. After polishing my boots I put them on too.

Michael and I went our separate directions. Erwin had called me for a meeting the other day. It was supposed to be Commander Erwin, Levi and the rest of his squad. I was all that was left.

I knocked on the oak door and heard a soft "come in". They were looking over a map. I ran my fingers over the tiny nicks in the door frame. I looked over at the corner where I had spent so many afternoons with my Grandfather. I smiled at the desk remembering when I had to stand on my tippy toes to see over it.

"Kira." I looked at Commander Erwin and frowned. That was Grandpa's chair. I reached up to that last nick on the door frame that was equal to my shoulders. A week later he resigned.

"Sorry, Commander." I saluted. I seen a couple files laid out in front of him. All about me, one was my criminal record, my Grandfather's journal and the other, my military record. "Sir, what's this about?"

"I came across this the other day." He held up my Grandpa's leather bond journal. I knew it had personal entries along with tactical ones. "He talks a lot about you."

"My Grandpa and I were very close, Sir." Erwin nodded flipping through the yellowing pages.

"This one I found very interesting." Levi who had been looking at the wall boredly looked up like he was interested. I thought I knew which one Commander Erwin was referring to judging by his distance into the little book. "May 16, 827. I fear I might lose my job. I always knew Kira was a curious child, but this is ridiculous. It's a wonder she didn't get trampled by the horses. They were closing the gate on Wall Marina when I was brought a soldier much too small. Kira in all her pigtail glory had wandered outside to wall during the commotion. She gonna be a smart one. A soldier I'm sure of it.

Note to self: Make sure no more children wander out."

Erwin smiled slightly as he finished. I rubbed the back of my head.


	23. Chapter 23

Kira and Levi had left just over an hour ago and the sun was beginning to set. He remembered the first time he'd seen Kira. He assumed she was around 8 at the time. Talking with her grandfather, the commander of the Survey Corps at the time, in his office. They had been talking over a map. No one had been shock when she joined the military and even less surprised to find out she had joined the Survey Corps. Even her doubters had smiled with a nod.

It there was one thing that girl had it was determination. Many seen it as her following in her Grandfathers footsteps. At 15 she was already well respected, partially due to her last name's relation.

Erwin flipped through the journal. In the margins of some of the pages were little drawings done by a child. As he flipped through he was able to watch the progression of skill. He smiled glad to see Kira returning to her old self. He knew she'd never be that 8 year old he'd first met. Truthfully he couldn't believe they were the same person. The 8 year old with wide, imaginative eye to the 26 year old with a sealed expression much like Levi's. Dark and cold.

Sighing he closed the journal and went to find some dinner.

 **A little more on Kira's past. So I got bored the other day and just for the heck of it I typed Kira the Killer into Google just to see what popped up. Well a bunch of Death Note pictures popped up. I forgot that they had given him the nickname Kira. Total accident, but I found it funny. Thanks for reading! Comment, favorite and follow please!**


	24. Chapter 24

"Jess, I'm home!"

"Good. Cook dinner, will ya? It's been so long since I've had you're cooking." She whined holding her stomach.

"Fine."

I was chopping potatoes when someone knocked on the door. Jess and I shot a curious glance at each other. If it were Michael he would have just walked in. I opened the door to find Eren.

"Eren? What are you doing here?"

"I heard you were staying here and I wanted to visit you, you know, before the Military Police get custody of me." I smiled at him.

"Oh, so this is Eren! Oh, you are just adorable! I've heard so much about you. You're really popular you know." She told him pulling him in side. "I hope you're hungry, Kira's cooking." His stomach rumbled at the mention of food.

"Good thing I made extra." I returned to chopping potatoes. Eren followed me into the little kitchen.

"What is it, Eren? You're worried about something." He didn't answer. "Don't worry about it everything will be alright." I assured him quietly. I put the chicken breasts into the oven. "I have complete trust in you Eren." I ruffled his hair.

"Eren's you're first baby right Kira?" Jess came in and sat down at the table with Eren. His turquoise eyes looked confused by that question.

"Yes he was."

"What do you mean I was you're first baby?" he looked up at me.

"Well, I'd watched numerous deliveries, so my mother and grandmother deemed me ready to do it myself. Of course they were right there in case something happened. It all went pretty smoothly."

"You delivered me?"

"Yep." I stirred the potatoes thinking about my dead family. "Funny isn't it. Never in a million years did I think that little baby would become Humanities Last Hope." I smiled at him over my shoulder. He frowned and looked away. For a moment I thought I had said something wrong.

"Why did you decide to join the Survey Corps then?"

"Being a mid-wife was expected of me. I realized I wanted to do something important. Sure bringing babies into the world is something important, but I wanted to be great like my Grandpa." A few more minutes on the potatoes. Michael would be here any moment.

"Do you really like Levi?" Eren asked after a moment of silence. I sent a death glare at Jess. She just laughed.

"Oh we're talking about Mister Shorty-McHottie? I'm down with that." Eren looked mortified swinging his head around like Levi might pop out of the vase or something and murder us. I wouldn't put it past him honestly. I wanted to strangle her.

"He's my superior, Eren and simply that. Jess over there just has an overactive imagination." Michael walked in just as I finished my sentence. I drained the potatoes and pulled out the chicken. "Michael, come smash the potatoes." He did as told with no complaint. Jess set the table.

Eren basically inhaled his food.


	25. Chapter 25

_My fingers were red and raw. I hated wash day. I considered it punishment. Scraping my fingers against the washboard, wringing out the soaked fabric, and hanging it to dry. It was a family event once a month and it was bath day. Such fun._

 _"Kira, not so hard. You don't want to rip the fabric." My mother smiled softly. I slowed my pace. My sisters sat not far away playing peek-a-boo with each other. I pulled the undershirt I was washing from the tub and rang it out. There was a nice breeze today. The clothes would dry quickly._

 _"Kira, let's go." My dad called. I looked to Mom silently asking for permission. Drying my hands, I ran after him. We passed a group of older kids playing with a ball on our way to the market. I had a little money from a nice rabbit that I caught in a snare. Daddy helped make sure I set up right, but it was mine to keep and I was looking forward to getting Mary a new dress. She was almost a year old and was getting a bit big for her current britches._

 _I picked out a pretty light pink one. I was sure she'd like it even if she couldn't talk yet._

 **As always comments are appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	26. Chapter 26

It felt good to relax knowing what would be going down tomorrow. The room was thick with steam cleansing our pores. Jess and I sat in a sauna wrapped in white towels.

"This is nice." Jess sighed. I hummed in agreement. "Are you ready for tomorrow?" she gave me a hard look.

"As ready as I can be, I guess." I shrugged. To be honest I was more worried about Eren. More steam filled the air.

"Are you sure this plan will even work?" I frowned thinking.

"No."

"Seems like a big gamble to me." Now she was frowning.

"It is."

"Where will you be stationed?"

"I'm still apart of Levi's squad, so I'll be with him and Commander Erwin. Chances are I won't see much of the fight….maybe." I couldn't be sure. All depended on Levi's orders for me. "I'm not exactly happy with this plan, but I know it's necessary."

Jess nodded her frown still deep. The steam was causing her auburn hair to darken and curl up. I'm sure my own brown hair was in a similar state.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I assured her.

"I know that." She replied quickly. "I trust you. I just don't trust others."

Jess lived in a little farming village before she joined the military. That little village was known for having bright blue eyes and auburn hair. My own mother had blue eyes, but they were nowhere near as bright as Jessica's. My skin was several shades darker that hers. I had a dark complexion all around. Dark hair, hazel eyes, golden brown skin. I looked just like my dad. My sisters had taken after my mother. Light complexion. Blue eyes and blond hair.

I wondered what they would look like now. All grown up. I bet Jema would have been married by now. Maybe pregnant. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly.

"We should get going. A friend of my mother's asked me to stop by for dinner." I stood taking hold of my towel so it wouldn't fall off.

"You were think about them weren't you?" she looked up at me with sad eyes. She met them once. After second year.

"Yeah. I was think that if they were still alive Jema would probably be married and have a baby on the way. Maybe I could have delivered it." I felt another tear slip by, but I made no move to wipe it away. Jessica hugged me. We washed off before getting dressed.

We walked together for a bit, but she went home while I walked in the opposite direction.

"Have fun!" she called smiling. I waved back.

I knocked on the door a little nervous. A stout woman open the door and hugged me tightly.

"Oh look how you've grown! Such a lovely young woman." She cooed. "Come in. Come in." she ushered me inside.

"Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Kirstine." I smiled.

"Oh hush, you're always welcome here dear." She led me further inside. She got quiet for a moment.

"You're mother always talked about you you know. She was mighty proud with you when you went off to join the military even if she was scared to death. She was a very comforting voice when Jean-boy joined. I mean she wasn't here in person, but her words were comforting." She smiled nervously.

"She had that way about her." I smiled back. Her face lit up then.

"Have you seen Jean-boy around? He joined the Survey Corps." I couldn't be sure.

"I'm not sure. I don't know many of the Greenhorns." I shrugged apologetically.

"Greenhorns?"

"Newbies." I rub the back of my neck.

"I'll get Jean-boy. Dinners almost ready."

I looked around the room. Nothing had changed really. A few pictures of Jean when he was a little boy were the only differences I seen. I heard some yelling and a door slam. For a moment I was worried. Jean's mother came down the stairs with a pained expression. I frowned.

"Jean-boy has always been a troublesome child." She smiled wearily. I put two and two together and suddenly got angry.

"May I speak to Jean?" She looked shocked for a moment.

"Uhh, I suppose. Maybe you could coax him down." She turned for the kitchen while I headed up stairs. I managed to find the correct room and knocked.

"GO AWAY!" I sneered at the door unable to believe Jean talked to his mother in such a disrespectful manner. I opened the door and dodged a flying projectile.

"Now, that's no way to treat a guest, Jean." I opened the door completely. Jean fell out of his bed and stood quickly.

"Ki-Kira? Wh-What are you doing here?" he stood at salute stuttering. Now I remembered him. I shut the door and leaned against it. I looked him over for a second.

"Did you know my mother was killed—by titans? In fact my whole family."

"N-No, Ma'am."

"You know Eren watched his mother get eaten, right?" his face got red.

"Y-Yes." He looked to the floor.

"And yet you have the audacity to treat your loving, living mother that way you do." I glared at him fiercely.

"Why are you here?" he glared back.

"Old friend of the family." I said simply.

"You have no right to come here and tell me what to do." He shook with what I guessed was anger.

"My mother was very sweet, in fact your mother reminds me of her." My face softened. "You're right Jean I have no right to tell you what to do, but if titans were to break through right now and your mother got eaten and what just happen a few moments ago was your last conversation with her would you regret it?" He looked away his face redder. "I doubt it wouldn't haunt you. Come downstairs and have dinner with us. It could be your last chance."

I left with that. Softly closing the door behind me.

"Is Jean-boy coming down?" Mrs. Kirstine asked me when I entered the kitchen. She was ladling soup into a bowl, a third one in her hand.

"Yes." If he didn't come down on his own I'd drag him. I helped set the table. Just as we finished Jean enter the kitchen looking not as angry. He sat down at the table.

"Oh, Kira, I wanted to show you his." She hand me an old picture. Jean, curious, stood up and looked over my shoulder. He plucked the photo from my fingers.

"I've never seen this before." He frowned at the picture.

"Oh, I've been saving it."

"Why?" he asked.

"Well I wanted Kira here to tell the story. You're all grown up now." She smiled sadly the way mothers do at their children. I'd seen that face on my mother many times. We sat down. "Jean was your last baby, right Kira?"

I nodded. Jean about spit out his stew.

"Her what?" he gawked at his mother.

"Yes he was." I smiled. "A month later I joined the military."

"That's right." She mused.

"Th-That's not possible!" He looked between us.

"Of course it is. I delivered you. You were my third." I put a spoon in my mouth.

"You delivered me?" his cheeks became a deep red.

"Yes, that's why I'm holding you in that picture. Your mother was sleeping and I gave you a bath." I concentrated vary hard to keep my face neutral as Jean began to look horrified with a red face. I suppose I didn't have to add that last part, but it was funny seeing his reaction.

"If it makes you feel better I delivered Eren too." I pointed my spoon at him. "You were a difficult one coming out. Put your mother through over a day of labor." She grimaced at the thought.

"Who was your second baby? You said I was your third." He asked still red in the face. The whole bath thing really threw him for a loop.

"A little girl, but she died when she was two." The soup was really good. I stood to get seconds. "You were a cute baby, Jean. What happened?" I grinned at him over my shoulder. He glared at me. I sat back down.

"Y-You tell anyone and I'll kill you." He threatened. I laughed lightly.

"Why, because I gave you a bath went you were barely an hour old? Because I seen you naked when you were a BABY?" I raised an eyebrow at him. He looked away crossing his arms over his chest.

"I seen Eren too. You were both fat and health." I smirked at him. I turned to his mother. "Thank you for the dinner Mrs. Kirstine. It was delicious, but I should be getting home. I'll see you tomorrow Jean." I ruffled his hair which he promptly smoothed back down.

"Keep Jean-boy safe for me, will you Kira?" I nodded to her.

"Of course."

I walked home. It was dark and the air was cool and the moon was full providing plenty of light. I was worried about Eren. About all the civilians that were sure to be injured and killed tomorrow. When I reached the apartment jess was already in bed. I laid down on my bed, which was really just the couch with a sheet over it, but I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts ran ramped.

"Everything will be fine." I assured myself. I got up and lit a candle so I could read a book for the rest of the night.

 **I can't believe how long this story's getting. I've posted 26 27 and last time I counted on my word doc I had 60ish wrote. Also spoilers next chapter. (not like anybody didn't see them coming and I don't know why you're reading fanfiction if you haven't read the Manga or watched the Anime but that's none on my business.) Longest chapter yet!**


	27. Chapter 27

Kira was up early that morning and prepared a full breakfast knowing good and well it could be her last. Jessica cried when she seen it and clung tightly to her friend who she considered a sister. Michael showed up a little later. They ate together nobody talked about what would happen that afternoon. She left with a final hug. The sun was just rising burning off the fog that settled over night.

Kira found Commander Erwin first and saluted him. Levi came not much later. A newbie brought Kira her horse. She'd be riding beside the carriage.

"What are my orders, Corporal?" she asked while making sure her belts were tight and everything was in functioning order.

"To stay with me." He told me stepping into the carriage. Before she could argue the door shut. Grumbling under her breath she mounted her horse. Then the slow trek to the inner wall began.

A lot happened when Annie transformed. Explosions, what felt like tiny earthquakes, and screams. It was hard for Kira to do as Levi ordered her to. Her morals were telling her one thing while being a soldier said another. Eventually Jean exited his carriage, tossing his wig aside, and going to help his friends. Kira remembered her promise. And it pained her to watch me him take off.

Levi and Erwin exited their ride and Kira dismounted her horse. The Military Police had their riffles pointed at them. Erwin called for his 3DMG.

"Corporal please don't make me break your orders. Please let me go help." She looked up at him. She knew why he didn't want her to go, but one way or another her stubbornness would take her to the fight. Levi knew that. So he agreed.

"I won't forgive a single injury. You come back just as you are now. That's and order." Smiling a bit Kira wrapped her arms around him in a tight, quick hug.

"I'll come back. Don't worry Levi." She kissed his cheek in a –I promise you—way. Levi stood stunned for a moment watching her form fly through the air before tightly turning the corner.

You better. He thought.

Kira grabbed Jean pulling him through the air and just out of reach of Annie's titan. He landed on a roof. Annie was causing a lot of destruction. Kira turned to Jean.

"Help get people out of here!" he nodded without argue. "Remember me bitch?" Kira launched herself into the air swords at the ready. She couldn't figure out what was taking Eren so long. All she had to do was distract the titan long enough for him to transform.

Annie smacked Kira away, knocking her into a wall. She sat up with a sharp pain reminding herself that she just had to distract Annie long enough for Eren to take care of her. Standing she charged again this time successfully severing the back of her knee. Losing her balance, Annie crumbled to the ground causing the ground to shake. Taking a chance Kira went for the neck, but again Annie smacked her away. She rolled hard into a wall knocking the breath from her lungs. A horrible pain erupted from her collar bone. She was positive she'd fractured it. The back of her head was also bleeding from hitting the wall so hard. Now she was seeing double.

Kira shot at the wall she thought was the right one. Luckily it was. Standing on the roof she tried to determine which Annie-titan was the right Annie-titan. This time she was wrong. She fell and hit the ground hard, rolling a few times.

Kira's head was pounding, she couldn't tell what was actually there and what was the double. She stood shakily, but fell again. She covered her head when a cloud of various sized rock few toward her. A fairly large one landed on her ankle causing more pain.

Levi's gonna kill me. She though squinting at Annie. Suddenly lightning struck. Eren had transform. Kira let out a deep sigh of relief. She attempted to stand again, but still fell. This time she couldn't get her hands up to catch herself so she smacked her head against the ground. Blood began to pool. She rolled over as the fight went away from her.

She stared at the sky and thought of Petra and the others. She thought of her family and realized how much she missed them. She wanted to be with them and for a moment she hoped she would die, but then remembered her promise to Levi. That didn't stop her from passing out though.

 **Thanks for reading! Love you're comments and hearts! See you next time.**


	28. Chapter 28

_I sat in my room carefully sketching the photos in the files I borrowed from Grandpa's office. He wouldn't mind. I always returned them in the same condition I got them. I decided I would make twenty of this person based on their stats._

 _Rebeca Goth_

 _I wrote her stats underneath. I hoped to make 200 cards tonight and then sell them with the 300 I'd made during the week. I felt like a genius for thinking this up. Making collection cards of military personnel. I sold packages of ten that I separated randomly and sold to other kids and some teenagers who then went around and traded card with each other._

 _I was the official card dealer. I put part of my profits in to a jar for saving and the rest went towards buying more supplies. I enjoyed doing and it gave the other kids some joy in their otherwise boring lives._

 _The next day there was a line of line of kids waiting for me. I handed out 50 stacks of cards for the excited hands of the other kids. Taking their money along the way. In this batch I'd added my Grandfather making him rare card. I only drew up three and that's all I planned on ever making._

 _I was sad thinking about how my reign would be ending one day. When I left to join the military, but I was already training a boy a little younger than me to take my place. He wouldn't have access to files like I did, so chances were the cards I made would become a valuable collector cards. Anymore that came would have name and nickname (if they had one), number of titan kills, age and years of service. On the card I made I also put their ranking among their trainee class and special skills._

 _I liked being the Card Lord as they like to call me._


	29. Chapter 29

Kira had been in a coma for three days. They'd found her passed out on the street with a bloody forehead. After an exam the doctor determined that she had three badly bruised ribs, a fractured collar bone, a bruised ankle, and several minor cuts that required stiches.

Levi and Erwin were on their way to visit her. They passed a group of children passing around cards.  
"I wonder if I have a card." Erwin wondered out loud.

"Of course you do." Levi scoffed. The 'Titan Slayer' cards, as they were now being called, were becoming very popular. Originally they were hand drawn and not many could be made at a time, but last year a print shop opened and began printing the cards professionally and in large quantities.

They reached Kira's room. It was empty at the moment. Lately, since she woke up, it'd been especially busy with visitors. Mostly Eren and his friends, and Jess and Michael. When they entered Kira was eating her lunch.

"Kira, how are you feeling today?" Erwin asked taking a seat. She shrugged.

"I've been better." Levi scoffed at her.

"If you'd listened to my orders you'd be just fine." He scolded her.

"They were impossible orders, Sir." She shoved another fork full into her mouth.

"If you can't handle battle maybe you should stay out of it." His voice rose in volume slightly. Erwin stood and excused himself. Neither Levi nor Kira seemed to notice.

"Quit being a hypocrite." Kira glared at him. "If I remember correctly I was the one who wrapped you fucking ankle, so I don't know what you're talking about." She frowned at her food having lost her appetite. Levi was shaking with frustration.

"I told you wouldn't forgive a single injury." he pointed an accusing finger at her.

"That's fine, but I'm injured and there's nothing you can do about it." She taunted.

"Are you trying to make me angry?" he questioned her finally realizing Erwin had left.

"Oh, I could make you angry. Wanna know what I was think before I blacked out?" her voice was reaching a yell. "I wanted to die! I was tired of fighting, so maybe I didn't try my hardest. I'm tired of being scared of being close to people! I'm tired of watching people die. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted to die. Ok! But don't act like I didn't keep my promise to you, Levi."

She was right. She had made him angry. Too angry to speak even. He wanted to strangle her for thinking such thoughts.

"Selfish, I know." She admitted to him with glassy eyes. Levi's anger dissipated slightly. His shoulders relaxed.

"Pitiful." He muttered looking away from her.

"I'm not pitiful." Kira frowned.

"The hell you aren't."

"I'm not!" she demanded. "Clean Freak." She muttered back after a moment of silence.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"No, you said something, you shit. Now what was it!" he stomped at her.

"Perhaps you'd like Jessica's nickname better?" Levi wasn't sure if he liked that girl.

"I doubt it." he grumbled. Kira shrugged thinking he might. "You're getting discharged this night, right?" he asked trying to change the conversation.

"Yep, as long as the doctor keeps his word. These beds suck." They sure didn't look all too comfortable. Just then the door open revealing a tall young man with curly blonde hair. Levi was sure he'd seen him somewhere before.  
"Looks like you're feeling better." He smiled at Kira before casting a cautious look at Levi.

"Yeah, a little bit. I'm just happy to be going home."

"I'm sure." He tossed her an apple.

"Thanks." She smiled.

"Who are you?" Levi asked the young man.

"Her brother." He gave Levi a hard look. The older man turned to Kira.

"I was unaware you had any living relatives, Kira." He was sure she had no brothers. Perhaps he was illegitimate.

"We've known each other for most of our lives. We have a sibling like relationship." She explained while eating her apple.

"And I suppose you consider Jessica as a sister then?" he asked. Kira nodded.

"One small dysfunctional family." She smiled. The relationship between those three reminded him of Farland and Isabel. He hoped she wouldn't lose them.

 **I love how Kira and Levi interact. I think it's funny. Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	30. Chapter 30

_"_ _Kira Free, what on earth are you doing?" our Trainee Corps commander shouted in my face. I stopped my spinning. "Why are you doing flips in your 3DMG?" he yelled again._

 _"_ _I've been around 3D gear before." Maybe I shouldn't have showed off, but it was so tempting. I looked at my comrades, many struggling to remain still and upright._

 _"_ _So you've use 3DMG before?"_

 _"_ _No, Sir."_

 _"_ _Then how did you learn, soldier." I could tell he was getting frustrated._

 _"_ _I've seen many people use it, Sir. I learn from watching others, Sir." I couldn't tell if he was impressed or thoroughly pissed off. Probably a little of both I decided._

 _"_ _You are very aggravating, you know that Cadet!?"_

 _"_ _Yes, Sir. My mother say's the same thing, Sir!" I couldn't help but crack a smile. My comrades snickered_

 _"_ _Let her down." He told the cadet behind me. "You're too advanced to be compared to your other Comrades. We'll have to come up with different way to truly test you." He walked on down the line. I noticed many were glaring at me with flailing arms trying to keep their balance._

 _That night while Michael and I were eating when a bright, blue eyed girl with auburn hair came asking for help. Apparently she was having trouble with the 3D gear._

 _"_ _Please help me. I'll give you half my rations for a week." She begged me. Michael had a natural talent with the gear._

 _"_ _I don't want your rations." I smiled at her and gave her some pointers._

 _While we were talking a group of guys walked over to us._

 _"_ _You're a filthy cheater!" their 'leader' yelled at me pointing his fat finger in my face._

 _"_ _My circumstances were just better than yours." I explained simply. "None of you have had the opportunities I've had. I think it's only fair that I get a harder test."_

 _"_ _What do you mean 'better circumstances'?" another boy asked me._

 _"_ _Surely you've heard of my Grandfather?" I felt my face darken. One of them flinched._

 _"_ _10_ _th_ _Commander Free of the Survey Corps? He lived long enough to retire. So yeah I would say my circumstances were better than yours. Simple as that." Michael was smiling proudly beside me. It felt good to be superior for once. Too good._


	31. Chapter 31

It was good to be home. I missed my couch. My arm was still in a sling, but my ankle was healed along with my ribs. They were just a little sore.

"It's so good to have you home!" Jess pulled me into a loose hug not wanting to hurt me.

"I was getting sick of that room." I glared thinking of the hospital. Out of nowhere there was screaming. A type of screaming that was very familiar. Jess and I ran down the hall to an apartment three doors down. Inside a woman stood clutching her pregnant stomach and a door frame. A puddle between her feet.

"W-We need to get her to a hospital!" Jess yelled turning to run back out the door. I grabbed her arm stopping her.  
"Her water just broke. She won't make it." I turned to the young woman. She looked a little older than us. "Miss, I need you to lay down." She was in too much pain to argue. She laid down and relaxed a little bit before the next contraction hit.

"How far apart are the contractions?" I asked her while quickly figuring out what I needed.

"Th-Three minutes. I think." She breathed out through the pain. "I need my husband."

"Where is he?" asked her while taking off my sling. As long as I kept most of the pressure off it I'd be fine.  
"He's part of the garrison—" she yelled in pain. She was close. I wondered if we could get him here in time. "Post 6. H-his name is Markus Rafftin." Her body relaxed as the contraction passed. I told Jess to go find the father. That I would handle this.

The mother was a beautiful woman. She had light hazel eyes and dirty blonde hair. I brought the pail of warm water into the room. Collecting towels and looking for any sort of alcohol. I was nervous. It'd been years since I did this.  
"Have you done this before?" she asked me just as another contraction hit.

"Yes. Three times." She seemed very relieved at that. She smiled at me.

"I trust you."

"I need to check how dilated you are." She nodded at me in too much pain to speak. I rolled the skirt of her dress back. She was at 7 ½. She was extremely close. "Dammit Jess, hurry up." I'd need her here to help clean the baby. I hoped she could handle it.

Ten minutes later Jess ran in out of breath.

"I stole a horse for you two!" she yelled shoving a man with stiff red hair into the room. He ran to his wife. The contractions were almost on top of each other. It'd only be a few minutes. "We're really doing this. Wow. Ok." Jess panted beginning to freak out.

"Jess, I need you right now. Keep. Calm." She nodded stiffly taking up a blanket I threw at her.

"What's this for?"

"I'm gonna need you to dry off the baby, while I handle the after birth."

"MORE COMES AFTER THE BABY!?"

"I'll give you a biology lesson later!" I yelled back. The mother was fully dilated. "I need you to start pushing now." She nodded taking a deep breath.

Several pushes and many screams later I held a healthy screaming baby in my hands. Another little boy. I cut and tied the umbilical cord and handed the wailing baby to Jess who wrapped the baby up tightly in the blanket. Gently she handed him to his mother. His wails calmed to sniffles.

"You have a beautiful little boy." I smiled at the couple. The husband was crying. He turned to me.

"What is your name?" I was shocked for a moment.

"Kira Free."

"Free. I like it." He smiled at his new born baby.

"It's perfect." The mother agreed. Jess started crying then.

"I want a baby." Her lower lip trembled. Gently I took Free from his mother and gave him a proper bath. I called Markus over to watch, so he could wash the baby while his wife healed.

"Thank you. If you hadn't been here—" he got a pained expression. I rewrapped Free and handed him to his father. He cooed happily. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He gently hugged me and went to sit back down with his wife.  
I checked the mother a few more time before deeming her perfectly fine and that everything was doing as it should. I'd visit her a few more times to make sure, but for the day everything was great. We went home. I was washing my hands went there was a knock on the door.

"What now." Jess whined. I was standing in the kitchen so I couldn't see who it was when she opened the door. "Oh, hi Levi why—WHY ARE YOU BLEEDING?!" Levi pushed his way in holding a bloody shoulder. He stopped dead in his tracks when he seen me.

"Who did you kill?"

"Just the opposite actually." Jess snickered sitting down at the table. "Jess get my medical kit."

"Aye, Captain!" she ran off coming back with the dark green bag. I told Levi to sit down.

"What happened?" I asked as I readied a needle and thread.

"I could ask you the same thing." He looked me up and down. My shirt had blood on it from wiping my hands off after handing Free to Jess.

"I just got finished delivering a baby." I rolled my eyes when he flinched like he touched a hot spoon. "You men are such pansycakes. I swear." I pulled out some bandages. I got a washcloth and a pail of water.  
"Now what happened?" I asked while making sure I had everything.

"An idiot was beating a child that wasn't his. So I stepped in." he glared out the window.

"Ok, but what about the arm?" I pointed at the bloody shoulder.

"The idiot had a knife. He got a lucky shot." I hummed in thought.

"Well I can't do anything with your shirt on." I took the white shirt from his hand and studied the dark, red stain. "I might be able to get the stain out." Levi just waved his hand. I guess he didn't really care. I looked at Jess and wiped my nose at her. She wiped her own nose seeing the blood and hightailed it out of the apartment.  
"What was her problem?" he asked looking at the front door as it slammed shut.

"I don't know." I lied. I swung my chair around sitting on it backwards and looked over the cut. In was half an inch deep in the middle and about three inches long. Taking the washcloth I wet it and cleaned the dried blood away. Levi flinched in pain.

"This might hurt." I told him just before I poured the little bottle of alcohol in the wound. He cursed loudly while slamming his fist on the table. I poured a little more. He glared at me heatedly.

The amount of concentration it was taking to not admire his shirtless chest was overwhelming. As quickly as I could I sewed him up. I cut the last stitch.

"There all done. What would you do without me?" I smiled wiping the stiches down again with a wet cloth and then bandaging them. "Stay out of trouble for once will ya?" I stood and went to grab one of Michael's shirt he left here. Levi would be swimming in it, bit it'd have to do till he could get to where ever he was staying.  
"You said you delivered a baby?" Levi called for the kitchen.

"Yes." I said when I came back in. "This is Michaels." I tossed him the shirt. It was big, but once he rolled up the sleeves and tucked it in it wasn't so bad.

"Whose baby did you deliver?"

"A lady's down the hall. Her water broke. She was too far along to be taken to the hospital." I smiled. "I've delivered several babies, Levi. I was trained as a mid-wife before I joined the military. One of the reasons I was recommended as for the medical squad." He looked shocked.

"How many have you deliver?"

"Four now." I looked down at myself. I was a mess.

"Filthy." He muttered. I ignored him.

"I delivered Eren. And Jean Kirstine." I poured two cups of tea. I gave him one and sat down.

"Why didn't you stay a mid-wife then?" He asked me with a hard look. I shrugged thing about it.

"I enjoy it I really do, but—I don't know I just wanted to do something more. I wanted to fight. My grandpa always knew I'd join the military. The Survey Corps. My sisters would have been mid-wives. They probably would have stayed mid-wives too. I wouldn't have let them join the army." I rested my head on my forearms. "I almost didn't join."

"What? Why not? You obviously wanted to." Levi questioned me.

"I did, but I'm sure you've figured out I'm selfless to a stubborn level." He nodded in agreement. "After my dad and grandpa died my mother got really depressed and didn't come out of her room for nearly two months. I had to take care of my sisters. I was too young to get a job, so I had to turn to stealing. That's how I met Michael. I stole the food from this family. My sisters had gotten so hungry they cried at night."

I don't think I've seen Levi so shocked before. I frowned. I wasn't sure if I liked how easy it was to open up to him. There were only two other people who knew the whole story. Jessica and Michael.

"I…see."

"They needed me, but they're the ones who nearly kicked me out when I told them I might not join. And Michael damn near dragged me to the registration. His mother promised to watch my sisters till my mother got herself together."

"You're close to Michael then?" I nodded.

"He should be getting off his shift here soon actually." Mister Raffin came in holding a crying Free.

"I can't get him to stop and Maka's sleeping." He looked at me pleadingly. I took Free into my arms. He looked up at me with those dark blue newborn irises. I saw Levi watching me curiously. I rocked Free gently mumming a lullaby my mother taught me. Slowly he stopped his crying and his eye lids drooped.

"There isn't that better?" I asked him. "You look a lot like my littlest sister did when she was born. She had no hair and cried a lot too." I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks thinking about Mary and Jema. Free gently held my finger. I realized I wanted a baby. Something to call my own. To hold like this and rock to sleep late at night because they woke up crying.

I was about to hand Free back to his father, but Mr. Rafftin was fast asleep. I continued my gentle swaying. For a moment I imagined Free was my baby. I enjoyed it, but I knew his mother would be wanting him soon.

"Levi will you hold Free for a moment?" I walked towards him.

"Free?"

"His parents wanted to name his after me." I smiled down at little Free in my arms. "I want to check on his mother." I stepped closer. "You've held a baby before haven't you?" Free was now sleeping. I could tell from his worried expression he hadn't.

"Don't worry it's easy." I shifted Free in my arms so Levi could take him from me.

"He's so small." I smiled trying not to laugh. I'd never seen Levi act like this.

"Don't stand so stiff. They smell fear." I warned him. He tried to relax. "Now cradle the head—perfect. You're a natural." He relaxed a little more. Free barely stirred.

"I'll be right back." Levi didn't answer me, too focused on Free. I walked down the hall to Mrs. Rafftin's or Maka's room. I peeked in. She was fast asleep. A candle was burning beside her on a table. I stayed for a few minutes watching her breathing. I didn't hear any crying or Levi cursing so I knew Free was still asleep.  
Levi didn't hear or see me when I walked in, so I watched him.

"You'll be a brat one day I'm sure of it, but right now you're not so bad." Free was awake and holding Levi's index finger. "Ugh, you are an adorable little shit." I laughed as silently as I could. "Hmm, I suppose I wouldn't mind having one like you." He smiled. He fucking smiled. I couldn't deal.

I'd never seen Levi smile like that. A genuine smile from joy that wasn't involved with cleaning. It was there and real and I was the only one who seen it and that was ok. It reminded me that he did, in fact, have a soft side, however rare it may be.

Composing myself I walked into the kitchen.

"I didn't hear you come in." he frowned at me a bit of smile still lingered. His sharp features softer and I found myself staring.

"I'm sneaky." I said a little too quickly. Levi seemed a little reluctant to give me back Free. Mr. Rafftin was still asleep. "If you want to keep holding him you can." I smiled softly up at him. He thought for a moment before pulling Free back to his chest smiling gently again.

"I've never seen you so happy." I looked at him. Pouring another two cups of tea.

"It's…a nice change." I knew what he meant. I smiled wandering if Petra, Oluo and the others were watching us from where ever they were now. I liked to think they were. Mom too. How I wished they were still alive. I handed Levi his tea.

"How does your arm feel?" I asked sitting down across from him at the table.

"Fine." I figured Free would be getting hungry soon. He started getting fussy like I knew he would. I took him from Levi rocking him gently. Trying to quiet him.

"What's wrong with him?" Levi asked me standing up.

"He's hungry." As if to prove my point Free opened his mouth and leaned towards my chest looking a nipple. "Don't worry I'll get your mother." Levi followed me out of the room and down the hall. Gently I woke Mrs. Rafftin while Levi lit a few more candles.

Eagerly she took Free and began feeding him I help situate a blanket so she could feed Free in privacy. She smiled at Levi with sparkling eyes.

"Your wife is an absolute angel. I'm surprised you don't have a few little ones yourself." I stuttered for a moment my face getting hot.

"We're not married." Levi answered much more levelly than I would have.

"Oh…my apologies." She smiled apologetically.

"It's fine. Innocent mistake." I told her.

"Thank you for watching Free. I told Markus to go find you if he started crying."

"He did." I sat on the corner of the bed. "In fact he fell asleep."

"That doof." She shook her head thinking about her husband. I turned to Levi.

"Levi will you go wake up Markus?" he nodded coming back a few minutes later with the red head. Levi and I left. "Would you like to stay for dinner, Levi?" I asked him when we got back. "Jess and Michael should be back soon."  
"I guess I don't have anything better to do."

"YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT! IT WAS THE GROSSEST AND COOLEST THING EVER!" we heard Jess yelling from outside.

"I'm glad I didn't." Michael replied. "There's only one birth I plan on watching—WELL DON'T GO INTO 'S GROSS!" I laughed. The door opened slowly. They peeked around the door. I looked at them confused.

"What are you two doing?" I asked them.

"Dammit!" Jessica yelled.

"HA! You owe me ten bucks!" Michael pointed his finger at her. Jess angrily handed him the money.

"Dammit, Kira!" she yelled at me.

"What did I do?" I yelled back. She glared at Levi. He scoffed at her.

"You lost the bet. Live with it." Michael thumped her on the back of her head.

"What bet?" I asked them through gritted teeth. They both started rubbing the backs of their necks with red cheeks. I grabbed both of them and dragged them out of the apartment.

"No! Kira, were sorry! Please have mercy!" they pleaded to me.

"I can't believe you two!" I yelled at them. I scolded them violently. They sat and listened.

"Hey at least I have faith in you. Now if it had been Jess in there—" he thought with a grin.

"Hey!" she yelled at him.

What did I do to deserve this kind of torment?

 **By far the longest chapter yet so I hope that makes up for my inactivity yesterday. This is honestly one of my favorite chapters written. I just love the thought of Levi holding a new born baby. Originally I never planned for Kira to be so motherly, if anything I had planned that she was standoffish of kids, but I guess Kira had other idea's. Also, some of you may have noticed the new cover. It was done by Illusion Shoppe. She makes amazing works, so check her out. Thanks for reading. I love hearing from you, so don't be shy!**


	32. Chapter 32

I enjoyed killing Titan's way too much. I was a killer. I enjoyed being a killer. Slayer of Titans. I liked the feeling of my blades slicing through their flesh. I liked the feeling of the hot steam escaping from the wound. Some called me crazy. Maybe I was. And I was ok with that. We're all a little crazy and I think you have to be to fight Titans.

I realized that I had gotten comfortable living with Jess. Living a normal, calm life. One I could have had. I realized that and my muscles had begun to get tense. I was itching for a fight. When it came time for the next expedition I was eager to get out there.

My job was to kill any titans getting too close to the main mission. Hanji convinced Erwin to capture more titans since our last two were killed by Annie not too long ago. My mind was in overdrive. Rapidly counting the number of titans, whether or not they were variants, and the correct and most efficient way to attack.

I seen a green flare. The mission had been completed successfully. I killed the last two titans in view and headed back to the main group. By the time I got back any titan blood I had on me had evaporated completely.

"Must you get so filthy when you fight?" Levi asked me when I rejoined the group. I looked down at myself.

"I guess dirt likes me." I shrugged. I mounted my horse. When we reached the base I took my horse to the stables and gave her a bath. She whinnied happily. I scrubbed the mud from her hair till her natural silver-grey was all that remained. I feed her a few carrots. A fist holding reins was shoved in my face.

"As far as I'm concerned you're still on horse duty." Levi told me with his normal bored expression.

"Yes, Sir." I grumbled taking the reins from him. "You enjoy tormenting me don't you?"

"It is amusing." He turned and left. I washed his horse. A sturdy male with a near black mane. I led them to a corral while I cleaned out their stalls. My legs were sore. When I finally got to my room I changed into more casual cloths. Bruises were forming from the 3DMG straps. The pain would go away in a day or two, but for now they hurt with an annoying pain.

I wished I had someone to spar with. I couldn't think of anyone so I went to the exercise room in search of a punching bag. I decided to work on kicks. It'd been awhile since I worked out my legs. Plus I needed to get my ankle and left arm stronger. It'd been about a month since the injuries. My collar bone was only a minor fracture that was probably completely healed by now, but I still wanted to be careful with it.

Working out in the basement wasn't as enjoyable as the apartment. There were no windows to open and let in a breeze and the lighting wasn't the greatest. Eventually I got frustrated with the heat but I wasn't ready to be done with working out so I threw my shirt to the side. I felt better. It felt great to get my muscles working again.

I stopped for a moment to wipe the sweat off my face and take a drink from my canteen. I rammed my firsts into the rough canvas. My knees and the tops off my feet were pretty scrapped up from my kicks. I thought about Free. I'd gotten used to seeing him. His mother would come and ask me questions or just to talk. It was nice.

I hit harder. That was the reason I fought. To protect people like them. I wanted Free and any other child to grow up and not have to face the titans. That's all I wanted for my sisters and I failed them. I won't fail anyone else.

A seam split spilling sand. My breathing ragged. I cursed the stupid bag for busting open. My knuckles were scratched up pretty bad. All well. I grabbed my shirt and headed to the showers. They were in the basement too so water came in due to gravity with next to no pressure. Cold showers were the only option, but a cold shower sounded great.

The icy water chilled my heated skin making me shiver. My tensed muscles loosed. The little blood washed away from my scrapes. I sighed happily running my fingers through my soaked hair. I stopped the water flow and dried off. I towel dried my hair and decided to let it air dry the rest of the way.

I was tired, but hungry so I went to the mess hall. Dinner was about to be served. I ran my hand through my damp hair trying to smooth it out. When not in a ponytail it fell just passed my shoulder blades. I went to my room and changed into cleaner clothes. By then many soldier had already gotten their food and sat down. I took my own tray and sat down across from Levi.

I frowned at my little bowl of stew. I noticed Levi staring at me.

"What?"

"Your hair is a mess." He glared at me.

"I just got out of the shower. I'll brush it later." I shrugged him off. My hair was perfectly fine thank you very much.

"You could have at least brushed it."

"That causes split ends and brakeage." I rolled my eyes. "I already need a haircut. I don't want to make it worse." Apparently he was more frustrated with my hair than I realized because he leaned over the table and started to comb out the tangles with his fingers. "Levi! What the hell!?" I tried to smack his hands away.

"Hold still you shitty brat!"

"My hair's fine, leave it alone!" where was Erwin when I need him. "Dammit Levi quit it!"

"If you'd brushed your hair I wouldn't have to, you brat!"

"You didn't have too in the first place." I realized the whole mess hall was looking at us. I lost my appetite so I left. An hour later Hanji knocked on my door asking to be let in.

"Why did you leave? Levi just has some OCD. That all. I'm sure he didn't mean any harm." She gave me a little smile taking a seat on my bed.

"I don't know. I just lost my appetite that's all."

"Nooo, there's something else." She prodded. Hanji had to be just about as good as me at reading people. I didn't like it. I glared at the floor. "You can tell me. I promise I won't tell anyone."

I did trust Hanji. I just wasn't sure I trusted myself at the moment.

"You're right. It was probably just his clean freakiness, but I just—I liked it. I wanted to lean into his touch. I didn't want him to stop and it scared me. I didn't like feeling that way. I-I'd never felt anything like that, Hanji. I just didn't know how to deal." I admitted. I couldn't figure out if I liked Levi in that way or if it was just in the moment. Hanji smiled at me kindly like she understood. It made me feel a little better.

"Kira…have you ever been with a man in any way?" I hesitated for a second shocked by the question.

"Uhh, no." I felt my cheeks get hot and I looked away. "Never. Jess say's I scare guys." She laughed.

"That could be a possibility!" I glared at her as she doubled over in a laughing fit.

"Shut up! It's not funny! I can't help it if all guys are wimps!" I began to wonder if I'd made a terrible mistake of telling Hanji everything. I trusted her not to tell anyone, but I was still worried she'd drop casual comments as torment.

She pulled me into a hug her laughing fit subsiding.

"Don't worry, Kira, we'll figure this out together."

"Great." I muttered.

 **Reached a thousand views! Thanks guys!**


	33. Chapter 33

_"_ _Easy Kira. Gently squeeze the trigger off. Steady." My dad instructed from behind me quietly. I pulled the trigger hitting my target a little to the right, but killed it nonetheless. I smiled excited about my first kill. "Nice shot!" my dad grinned at me proudly._

 _I ran out into the field to get my rabbit. I picked him up by his long ears. He was heavy so I struggled to hold his dead weight in my arms._

 _I showed off my kill to the Garrison men on duty. They laughed and ruffled my hair. Joking about living up to my name. My father laughed nervously. Not that I paid much attention._

 _Daddy helped my skin the white rabbit so I could sell it later. Mommy put the meat into a stew. And Mary took her first steps that night._


	34. Chapter 34

I held the ripped seam in one hand and sewed it together with the other. It was fairly small and easy to fix. I finished the last stich and pulled at the surrounding fabric to test its strength. Don't want it ripping open again. Smiling at a job well done I stood to go find Eren and return the dark green uniform cloak. I found him with Armin and Mikasa.

"Here you go Eren. It shouldn't rip again."

"Thanks! I was worried I'd have to get a new one." I smiled at him.

"Don't be silly. It was just a tiny rip. Anyone could have fixed it up. I'll see you three later." I waved goodbye to them. The sun was high in the sky, but the air was cool. The leaves of the trees had begun to turn.

"Kira, wait!" I turned back to Eren who jogged to catch up to me.

"What is it, Eren?" I asked him confused.

"I heard Corporal was assembling a new squad." I raised an eyebrow not sure what he meant. "Will you still be on his squad? Has he talked to you about it?"

"As far as I know Eren, Levi didn't originally want me on his squad. Commander Erwin's the one who assigned me to his squad. I'm sure I'll remain there, but as for the new members I have no idea. It's not my place to ask." I explained to him. He looked shocked.

"But don't you think you should have a say in who joins?"

"If Levi wants my opinion he'll ask. He has reasons for who he chooses." I smiled at him. He just frowned. I tried to figure out why this was bothering him so much, but I couldn't come up with a plausible answer. "Why do you ask, Eren?"

"I was just wondering." He shrugged and turned to walk back to Armin and Mikasa. I frowned at his retreating form. Sighing I pulled up my hood and went for a walk. I stayed alert in case any titans were around. I was nice listening to the birds singing their sweet songs.

I found a fairly fresh trail of deer prints, so I followed. Quietly making my way through the forest like my dad had taught me. After a few hours of tracking I came to an open field where the doe was grazing. I was downwind from her so she couldn't smell me.

I watched her for a while. She was young and healthy. She would definitely have a nice set of fawns come next spring. As the sun drooped behind the tree tops across the field I realized what an idiot I was. When I found the trail I'd left my 3DMG by a tree because it clanked around and would have most certainly alerted the doe I was following her.

I brought a flare with me in case of an emergency or if spotted a titan near camp, but I'd left that behind too. So I had no gear. I was stuck on the ground. I had no way of signaling anyone and I didn't know how far from HQ I was, depending on how faraway I was the flare might just be useless anyway. And to make it worse it was getting dark.

I cursed my stupidity. I tapped my chin thinking. I followed the trail as quickly as I could, but darkness was falling quickly. Soon it'd be too dark to see the tracks and I'd be walking blind. I knew I had tracked the doe for several hours at a slow pace, but even at the slow jog I was doing now I figured it'd still take an hour or two to get back to my gear.

"I'm and idiot. A true idiot. Levi's gonna kill me. Fuck!" I kicked a tree. I was almost too dark to see the tracks. I had but maybe 20 minutes if I was lucky. "I'm so dead." If titans didn't find me first, Levi would kill me when I got back in the morning. I kicked the tree again.

I decided I'd stay at this poor tree I'd been kicking for the night. I'd feel much safer up off the ground, but all the lowest branches were far out of reach and I wasn't about to go look for a climbable one and risk losing the trail.

I didn't sleep. I was scared a titan might find me and if that happened I wanted to be able to run as quick as humanly possible. My eyes were begging for sleep by the time hazy light began filling the forest. I stood popping my sore back.

I continued to follow the trail. Maybe I could get back before anyone realized I was gone. Maybe no one noticed my absence at dinner. I knew that was wishful thinking. I sighed heavily when I found my gear right where I left it. I began to wonder if they really hadn't noticed my absence. I'm sure someone could have tracked my foot prints and found my gear. Sasha was from a hunting village she could have, but they were right where I left them. I scratched my head. I felt a prickle of fear radiate in my chest. I worried that something had happened to the base while I was gone. I rolled my lower lip between my teeth thinking over the possibilities.

I knew where I was so I quickly found the big building. I slumped my shoulders with relief. Everything seemed to be in order. The sun was just barely over the horizon. Everyone would be waking soon. I ran over to the stables. I considered thinking up an excuse like: I was with the horses all night, or something along those lines. I brushed the tangles from my mare's mane thinking.

Someone gripped my shoulder swinging me around and shoving me against the stable wall with their forearm pressed against my throat. Yep I'm dead.

I looked at a severely pissed off Levi his eyes so narrowed I could barely see his pupils. I gulped.

"H-Hey, Levi." I tried to smile.

"Where the hell have you been!"

"Umm-I-I…Uhh" I stuttered. "I've been with the horses." I said my excuse with confidence. I should have known better than to try and lie to Levi Ackerman.

"Don't try to lie to me you shitty brat! Where the hell were you!"

"It might have gotten dark sooner than expected."

"That doesn't answer my question." He hissed.

"I went for a walk and tracked a deer, but, like I said, it started getting really dark and I couldn't make it back in time. I screwed up, I know." He let me go in favor of pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Why would you go off that far on your own?" I shrugged.

"The woods were tempting and I was stupid."

"You could have at least told someone where you were going!" he shoved me against the wall again. He had a point I should have told someone.

"I told you I wasn't thinking."

"Do you ever think?" he glared at me. I rolled my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me!" he gripped my uniform flipping me to the ground. The air got knocked out of my lungs.

"Levi, you're gonna spook my horse." I said when I could finally breathe again.

"I don't give a flying damn what happens your horse." He glared down at me. As if my horse understood what he said, she tried to eat his cloak. "Let it go you idiotic animal! You're just as bad as your rider!" she snorted in his face. I laughed. I stood up brushing the hay from my clothes.

"I sorry for worrying you and everybody else, I really am, Levi."

"That doesn't mean you're forgiving. We basically had to tie down your shitty brat because he wanted to go out and look for you in the middle of the night." I assumed my 'shitty brat' was Eren. "He even tried to sneak out." I smiled a little shaking my head. I helped Levi pull his cloak free. "I thought you'd gotten eaten or something." He muttered so low I almost couldn't understand what he had said. I stroked my mare's long nose feeling more shame and regret fill my chest.

"I didn't expect you to for forgive me, Levi." I turned to him with an apologetic smile. I decided to act like I hadn't heard that last part. He was back to his normal gloomy self. Reaching over he pulled a few strands of hay from my hair.

"Levi, there you are. Commander—KIRA!" Hanji yelled wrapping my in a tight hug and lifting my off my feet. "We thought you were dead!"

"I know I'm sorry. Hanji you're crushing me."

"That's your punishment." She squeezed me harder. She set me down after a few minutes that felt like suffocating hours and went to turn back to Levi, but he wasn't there. "Oh, where'd he go?"


	35. Chapter 35

We were preparing for the 59th expedition outside the wall. We came back about a week ago to resupply. I hugged Jessica and Michael promising them I'd come back alive. I made that promise a lot. I dreaded the day I wouldn't be able to keep it.

Mounting my horse I mentally prepared myself for this expedition.

"Look, its Kira the Killer."

"Humanities Deadliest."

"The monster herself."

"I heard she's killed too many titans to count."

"I heard she's killed over 10 men."

I hated these comments. I did my best to ignore them.

"Kira, Commander Smith wants to speak with you." I looked over to a girl I didn't know the name of, but I recognized her face. Nodding to her I road to the front of the gathering in search of Erwin.

"You called for me Commander?" I saluted him.

"Yes, I'm assigning you as commander of the support group." I sputtered for a moment.

"Uhh, Sir, I'm not a leader like my Grandfather. I respectfully decline."

"And I respectfully decline your decline. I trust you." He looked at me levelly. I frowned up at him.

"Why? I'm no leader."

"It's an order, soldier." He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I trust you." He said again mounting his horse. I turned away walking back to my original position. I sensed nothing romantic about that display of affection. If anything it reminded me of the way my father kissed me and my sisters before he left for work. It made me wonder if Erwin seen me as a daughter or sister.

I decided to ignore it for now. I found the rest of the support group and explained the situation. Several of them didn't look happy. One even went to get confirmation from Erwin like I had a reason to lie.

"30 seconds till the gate opens!"

I handed my horse over to Christa till we got out of the old city outside the wall. That girl had a way with horses. I drew my swords as the gates opened. To say I was scared was an understatement. Levi pulled up beside me.

"Don't screw this up you pitiful brat." I gritted my teeth at his comment. Erwin gave the order.

"Split up. Left and right!" they nodded a few still not happy with me. "5 meter, right flank, 2 o clock!" easily taken care of. I tried to stay as high as possible for a better view. Last thing I want to happen was let one get past. I skidded to a stop on a roof top, hooves thundering below me, watching a 14 meter approach. This one was different, but I prayed it wasn't a variant.

A soldier, one that had taken an extreme disliking to me, attacked this variant titan. The titan snatched him out of the air. The soldier wasn't dead yet. Firing my 3D gear I swung around just as he was bring the soldier to his nasty mouth. Letting gravity bring me down I sliced the nape of the neck getting sprayed with hot blood. The soldier lived.

The main formation was exiting the old town, so I gave the order to fall back. I met Christa with my horse getting back to my position next to Levi. We had few casualties reaching our destination. I was about to take my mare to the stables when a hand gripped my shoulder.

"I'm going to kill you!" It was the soldier I'd rescued earlier. He pushed me hard causing me to roll. Quickly I stood gripping the handle of my blade. "You killed me uncle now I'm finally gonna get my revenge!" there was a crazed look in his ugly brown eyes. He drew his sword. I almost didn't dodge quickly enough.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I tried to explain. "I won't fight you!"

"The hell you won't! I'll make you fight me, monster." This time I couldn't dodge fast enough and I got a nasty nick on my left arm as a result. I held my injury felling blood seep through my fingers.

"I never killed your uncle!"

"Oh, you're a liar too? I should have expected that much from filth like you!" I had no idea what he was going on about. I'd only ever killed two people in my life. Surely that wasn't his uncle. "You killed my uncle and his friend!" so it was. I felt my blood boil. I struggled to keep a cap on my anger.

"So…" I began looking him dead in the eye, "your uncle and his…friends, raped little girls and you call me the monster?" I remembered the feeling of human blood on my hands. Was I going to have to relive that?

"Those are lies!" he yelled striking again. I rolled out of the way. "Fight me Kira the Killer! Show us what you're really made of."

"Are you like them?" I taunted. "Do you rape little girls? They tried to rape me and my sister." He was shaking with anger. "Have you ever had human blood cover your hands? It nasty. It doesn't evaporate away. It's thick and heavy then it dries and get crusty." I could hear each beat of my heart individually.

"You're insane."

I shrugged, "Maybe." I brushed some stray hairs from my face. "Would you like to meet Kira the Killer?" he jerked away before recomposing himself again and attacking. I dodged each of his attacks. He was able to nick me again, so I drew my weapons.

"Finally." He grinned. I threw them to the ground and his face fell.

"I don't kill people. I kill monsters. Your uncle and his friends just happened to fit under that category. Do you?"

"Shut your filthy mouth, whore!" I had to bite my tongue at that one. I brought my leg up in a kick to his temple. He rolled a few feet.

"Put you weapons down, soldier. That's an order." I glared down at him.

"I'll die before I take orders from you." He spit blood from his mouth. Was I really that horrible of a person?

"I saved your sorry ass!" my composer was breaking. I'm not a leader.

"I'd rather be eaten than be in debt to a whore like you! How many guys have you fucked to get to your position? The Commander? That midget Levi? Come on tell us." He grinned at me from the ground. He was pushing my buttons. I desperately tried to control my breathing. "Or did you just fuck 'em for fun?" I kicked him in the gut. He curled up into a fetal position.

"You filthy mongrel, I'll teach you a lesson in respect to your superiors!"

I was blinded by my fury. I hadn't even realized he had passed out and other soldiers were yelling at me to stop. He's lucky I didn't kill him.

I stomped away looking for anything to release my anger out on. I found a young tree that would work just fine. I kicked the yearling as hard as I could snapping the top off. The amount of adrenaline pumping through my veins was too much to handle so I punched the wall of the stable spooking a horse on the inside. A jarring pain vibrated up my arm. It hurt horribly.

I slumped to the ground cradling my wrist. Is that what everybody thinks of me? I seen Hanji heading my direction at a fast jog. I stood walking the opposite direction. She grabbed my shoulder.

"Kira, I heard what happened, are you alright?" I shook loose of her hold.

"I'm fine, Hanji, just leave me alone!" I yelled in her face. I immediately felt bad. I turned away.

"Kira wait! Commander Erwin and Levi will hear about this soon enough, they'll take care of it!" for some reason that made me mad.

"I don't want them to handle it! I can take care of myself! I was long before they showed up and I don't plan to stop!" Hanji pulled back shocked.

"Wh-What he said was true?" she asked me.

"Yeah. Yeah, ok? I killed two men with I was 11 because they tried to rape my sisters! And if for some reason that makes me a monster then I'm alright with it, because I would rather relive that day over and over than let those men have their way with my little sisters! Nobody knows anything about me, so don't dare try to judge my actions." I growled out.

"Ki-Kira, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant." She waved her hands. I felt tears slip down my cheeks. I cursed myself for being a baby. "Uhh, Kira, please don't injure yourself anymore." She gently took my wrists.

"I'm not a whore. I don't kill people. I'm not a monster." I whispered to myself squeezing my eyes shut causing more tears to escape.

"Of course you're not. Anyone, like you said, doesn't know you and their judgments carry no weight." she smiled at me. I dried my tears. "Don't worry, this will all get taken care of."

"I guess you're right." There had been a few soldiers watching my fight. I was sure word would quickly spread. Together we walked back to the main building. We passed Erwin and Levi on our way, but I grabbed Hanji so she wouldn't stop. I could tell she was confused, but followed my lead anyway. We found a room to stay in that had two beds.

I sat down sighing and taking off my medical bag.

"Here let me." Hanji said taking the wrap from my hand.

"Thanks." I muttered. My wrist on the hand I'd punched the stable wall with was a sickly yellow color with traces of blue and green. It hurt badly. The nicks that guy caused were minor and didn't require stiches. I was an idiot for letting my anger get the better of me. I'd be useless in the formation. I'd be a liability if I couldn't us my blades properly. It takes two to cut the nape correctly. Hanji finished wrapping my hand. "Thank you, Hanji. I'm sorry about being so rude earlier." I looked away in shame.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I've already forgotten about it." She smiled at me.

"Do you think Levi will be mad at me? Who am I kidding, of course he will be." I said looking at my bandaged hand. I stood and looked out the window. The sun was getting low in the sky.

Come dinner time the mess hall was filled with whispers, but they ceased completely when I walked in. I clenched my fists. Commander walked towards me holding two trays.

"Kira, come with me." I hesitated for a moment before following him. He said nothing as we walked to his personal office. He set a tray at either end of his desk. Taking a seat he tucked a napkin into the collar of his uniform. I guessed the other tray was for me.

"I'm happy with the results reported to me about your command with the support squad." He blew on his soup before putting the spoon in his mouth. "The report said you were a calm, orderly, and collective leader." I couldn't speak. This wasn't about earlier. As far as I could tell he showed no signs about knowing anything of it. "However, the report said nothing about you being injured." I quickly brought my injured hand from the table into my lap. His gaze was hard.

"Why didn't you come to me?" he asked. I felt anger resurface.

"You put me in charge, right? Well, I couldn't just go running to you the moment they showed resistance!...Sir." he smiled.

"And you say you're not a leader." He wiped his mouth with a napkin. I looked down.

"Being protective and being a leader are two completely different things, Sir." I replied quietly. I shoved a few spoonful's of bland soup into my mouth even though I didn't have much of an appetite.

"Is you hand useable?"

I looked at my bandaged hand thinking. I fisted it a few times. It hurt, but it was bearable.

"I think so, as long as I keep it wrapped."

"Good." We sat in silence for a few minutes. "I'm going to permanently assign you to leader of the Support Team when leaving and entering the wall. I'll alert Levi, so you don't need to worry about that."

I wanted to refuse, but it was obvious that his mind was already made up. I frowned at my reflection in the soup. I wanted to know why he trusted me, so much.

"What will you do with that soldier, Sir?"

"He will be dealt with under the law when we return to the wall."

I needed a drink.


	36. Chapter 36

I was dusting Hanji and I's room. Not like I had anything else better to do. Hanji was conducting some new experiments on her titan pets, so I was left alone. I'd already taken care of my horse duties and Levi had basically grounded me, so I couldn't go for a walk. I sighed just as someone knocked on the door and pushed it open.

It was Levi and I could tell he wasn't happy. I turned back to the window furiously scrubbing my reflection. He said nothing leaning up against the door with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Hey, Corporal, what's up?" I tried to act casual and break the suffocating silence.

"What did you do to your hand?" I could feel the sneer in his voice. I frowned.

"Like you don't know, Sir."

"You're right, I do know, but why did I have to find out though Erwin?" somehow his clam, level voice was worse than yelling.

"I didn't deem it important, Sir. I had it taken care of. I couldn't go running to you or Commander Erwin when things got tough." I finally turned to him. His glare was deadly. "What exactly did you hear? I'm sure rumors have spread."

"Why do you think I'm here? I want to hear your side."

I crossed my own arms thinking. "Erwin assigned me as leader of the support squad when leaving and entering the wall, you know that." He nodded. "Well…some of them didn't like that. I refused Erwin, but he insisted. The report said I did a good job and everything, but, like I said, there were a few who didn't like me. One was very vocal about this. When we got here he picked a fight with me." I took off my uniform jacket so Levi could see the scabbed over nicks on either upper arm. I clutched the fabric in front of me.

"I told him I wouldn't fight him. He accused me of killing his uncle." Levi raised an eyebrow. "At first I denied, but after he said I killed his uncle and his uncle's friend I knew that I had killed who he was talking about." For a moment I seen my hands covered in blood.

"You've seen my criminal record, Corporal, it was self-defense. They attempted to rape my sisters and I. That was the first time they called me a killer." I whispered the last part feeling tears sting my eyes. I looked up at Levi. His eyes were wide with shock. I frowned confused.

"What?" he asked turning to a glare again.

"Yeah, we were on our way home from the market. It had been two months since my dad died." I gripped myself tighter. "They threw us into an alley. They grabbed my sisters first, two of them while one stood watch." I got lost in the memory. Reliving it.

"I told that soldier I don't kill people. That I kill monster. That his uncle and his friends just happened to fall under that category. It only made him angry. He said I lied. That those charges were lies. I got tired of his disrespectfulness so I kicked him in the temple. After that things just started going downhill."

"What do you mean?" I bit my lip thinking feeling my face get hot with a mix of anger and embarrassment.

"He called me a whore. Asked me how many I'd…I'd uhh had intercourse with to get to my position or if I'd just done them for fun." I stared at the floor intently. "I beat him till he passed out and then some, but I was still angry and full of adrenaline so I punched the stable wall."

"Why would you do that, moron?"

"I don't know!" I flung my arms in the air. "It was the closest thing and I wasn't thinking."

"Do you ever think?"

"Apparently not." I grumbled. "It's taken care of. Nothing more can be done till we go back to the wall." Levi looked to be thinking. "I tried to ignore the comments, I really did, but they got the better of me. Now I've got this to deal with." I glared at my bandaged hand.

"No."

"W-What?"

"No, you did the right thing. It's what I would have down."

"But, I'm not you Levi. Despite what people say I don't like hurting people."

"Erwin trusts you as a leader and a leader must make moral sacrifices."

"I didn't want to be a leader. I'm not a leader."

"Quit complaining, brat. You are one whether you like it or not." With that he left. I rubbed my face groaning. Why did things have to be so complicated?

 **Sorry for the lack of update yesterday. I wasn't feeling good, so here's an extra chapter. Thanks for reading!**


	37. Chapter 37

We were conducting an experiment on Eren. Hanji wanted to know just how long his stamina was.

"So all I have to do is run till I can anymore?" Eren asked looking at his hand ready to bite. Hanji nodded excitedly. Standing around Eren was Hanji and hew squad, Levi and I, and then Mike.

"Kira. Mike. You two will be on titan guard." She pointed to us in turn.

"What does that mean exactly?" Eren asked.

"We'll be dealing with other titans that get too close. Levi's assigned directly to you." I said it like a warning and I was pretty sure he got the message. He looked to Levi for his permission. Corporal nodded and we all backed away.

"You have your goal in mind?" Hanji asked while taking her steps backward. Eren nodded lightly.

"Yes." He bit his thumb. One moment I was looking at human Eren and the next a 15 meter titan.

"Woah." I breathed. Mike grabbed my attention. I really hoped Eren could control his titan.

Mike and I road on either side of Eren. Hanji had decided the best results for this experiment would come from running on flat level ground. Open ground. It would difficult to deal with titans with our 3D gear so limited. Levi road behind Eren as he ran.

Eren's titan ran for just under two hours before getting too tired to continue. During that time we only came across three titans, none of them variants and easily killed by Mike and I. We slowed our horses to a stop beside Eren's steaming titan form.

He was totally exhausted.

"Hah, incredible results." Hanji mused looking over the data and taking Eren's vitals.

"We'll need to rest for a while. The horses are just as exhausted." One soldier of Hanji's squad told us. We all nodded in agreement.

"Eren are you injured in any way?" I asked him gripping the strap of my medical bag that went across my chest.

"No I don't think so. I'm just tired." He yawned and laid down on the grass.

"Go ahead and sleep. We'll be resting the horses for an hour at least." I told him. He barely replied with a nod before closing his eyes.

I feed Dusk, my mare, a few carrots while praising her for being a good horse. She whinnied happily nudging my shoulder. I walked her around so she would dry. She was being fidgety for some reason. There was a cool breeze blowing in from the north. I turned to Levi.

"There's a storm coming." He frowned and looked around. One of Hanji's members agreed.

"She's right. The winds blowing from the north. How long till you think it gets here?" the girl asked me. I frowned think.

"It's hard to tell. Sometimes storms come out of nowhere other time we can see them come for hours. We'll just have to wait and watch." There was a thin line of dark clouds on the horizon. "But from the looks of it I don't think it will be long." I stroked Dusk to keep her calm. "Dusk thinks it will be here soon and that we should take cover." I stared into her black eyes.

"That's a horse."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." I glared at the soldier who flinched. "Animals can sense the weather and other things far before we mere humans can." Mike inhaled deeply.

"I smell rain. Maybe we should leave now? Get a head start on the storm?" I shook my head at him.

"Horses are still too tired. They'd just end up getting to worn out and we'd be stuck even longer." The clouds on the horizon had grown considerably.

"We'll leave at the end of the hour. Hopefully the storm holds off until then." Levi decided for us. I'm sure he was getting tired of our chatter. I sat down by Eren's sleeping form. Gently I ran my fingers through his hair like I did when he was little. He'd grown up so much since I had last seen him when he was three.

"Why do you care so much for Eren?" Hanji asked quietly taking a seat beside me. She offered me half her sandwich.

"Thanks." I said taking a bite. "I delivered him. I lived in Shignashira too. I babysat him a few times afterward when I had the time. I consider him a sort of family is all." Eren stirred slightly in his sleep.

"Levi's right you are motherly." She smiled at me. I felt my eyes widen in shock.

"A blessing and a curse I assure you." I thought for a moment. "He said that about me?" Hanji nodded. I looked over at Corporal who was tending to his own horse.

"I'd always just thought of it as being protective." I thought out loud.

"Same thing isn't it?" Hanji asked me with her face tipped back towards the sky. "A mother wolf is protective of her pups. She is doing as a mother should and being motherly."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"But he mostly complains about you being stubborn and not following his orders."

"I follow his orders!" I hissed back in a loud whisper. "But some of them are impossible. He really expected me to leave that fight with Annie without any injury?"

"Ah, yes, Levi can ask too much sometimes."

I finished my half of the sandwich. We should be leaving soon. I looked out to the horizon. The clouds were getting bigger.

"I think we can make it back before the rain gets here if we leave now."

"I think you're right." She stood up and started shouting out orders. I woke Eren. He would ride with me back to HQ.

It was a swift ride back. We wanted to beat the storm. We did, but just barely. It was drizzling when HQ came into view. We made it inside after tending to our horses just as it started to down pour. I skipped dinner that night, instead I read a book in my room.


	38. Chapter 38

_"_ _Kira, I'm so happy you could stop by on your brake. Eren has been asking about you since I told him you would be coming over a week ago." Mrs. Jaeger smiled at me inviting me inside her home. I was attacked at the legs._

 _"_ _Kira!" Eren smiled up at me while gripping my legs tightly. I picked him up._

 _"_ _Oh, you're getting heavy!" I grinned at him. His turquoise eyes were wide and excited. He giggled. I balanced him on my hip and followed Mrs. Jaeger to the kitchen._

 _"_ _So how's training been going, Kira?"_

 _"_ _Good. It's tough and a lot of hard work, but I like it." Eren played with my pony tail. "Where's Mr. Jaeger?" she stood to pour us a cup of tea._

 _"_ _On some routine checkups in the Capital." She sighed. I took the cup of tea she offered and sipped. "How have you been?" there was a sad look in her eyes._

 _"_ _Fine. You know, as best as I can be I suppose. I can't believe it's been almost six years since they died." She smiled kindly at me standing up._

 _"_ _Well, thank you for watching Eren while I'm out."_

 _"_ _No problem." I let Eren go so he could hug his mother before she left._

 _"_ _He's already had lunch, but he might need a nap later."_

 _"_ _Bye, Mommy!" Eren waved as she shut the door._

 _Later that day after, chasing him around till his little legs could no longer carry him, we both dozed in the backyard. I was laying on my back staring at the passing clouds with Eren sleeping on top of me using my breasts as a pillow._

 _I smiled remembering how I used to lay the same way on my mother. I ran my fingers through his dark hair. I yawned. One more year and I'd be joining the Survey Corps. I realized this might be the last time I was with Eren._

 _Everything in this world was a gamble._

 _I threw my arm over my eyes and feel asleep._

 **Thanks for reading. Kid Eren is soooo cute.**


	39. Chapter 39

Kira was dealing with the horses early the next morning. Her eyes were watering and her yawning was constant. The storm had stopped late in the night, but everything was now a muddy mess. She found herself talking incoherently to the horses about soldiers and people she knew.

"Then there's this clean freak of a midget bastard." She complained to one horse. Kira jumped startled to hear hysterical laughing. Jean stood in the doorway a bucket in hand and his boots muddy. She looked back to the horse.

"It seems your cousin got out of his stall." She told the horse while pointing at Jean.

"I do not look like a horse!" Kira narrowed her eyes at him. Studying his face for a few moments.

"Yes you do." Jean grumbled under his breath.

"You look tired." He commented.

"Levi still has me on horse duty." Kira didn't even realize what she said made no since to Jean's statement, but confirmed it nonetheless.

"You did kinda screw up." Jean said not expecting to get much of a response.

"Corporal Ballerina seems to think so." Kira glared at nothing in particular. Jean snorted with laughter doubling over. Kira yawned deeply again. The sun was just starting to come up. "Why are you up so early, horse face?"

"Couldn't sleep." He glared at her.

"Stars were bright weren't they?" He frowned at her. She wasn't making a whole lot of since. "No, wait, it's too early for deep thinking."

"Maybe you should go back to bed." Jean set a hand on her shoulder. Kira jerked away.

"No! Levi be mad. I don't want horse duty no more." She yawned. "No offence." She patted the nose of the horse she was feeding. Her eyes watered more. "Damn Levi and his punishments."

 **This honestly one of my favorite chapters. Sleepy Kira's just funny to write.**


	40. Chapter 40

_"_ _Where are we going again, Daddy?" I asked my father._

 _"_ _Underground. They have some machinery that broken and needs to be fixed." He gripped my hand tightly so I wouldn't wonder off._

 _"_ _Wow." I said as we descended a long staircase._

 _"_ _Kira, I mean it, you stay close you hear?" I nodded looking around. "I would have left you with your mother, but she's sick and we can only afford a babysitter for two, so behave."_

 _"_ _I'll behave."_

 _I handed him the tools he asked for as he worked on the funny looking machine. I wasn't sure what it did, but it looked important. I noticed a few kids looking at me with wide, curious eyes. I waved at them, but they ran off. I frowned wondering if I did something wrong._

 _"_ _Daddy, why did they run away?" he looked over to a child who had cautiously returned to watch us._

 _"_ _We're outsiders, Kira." I hadn't completely understood what he meant, but decided not to ask any further._

 _The children slowly returned. I noticed they looked sad. I wondered why. It was dark. Maybe that's why. Maybe they'd never seen the sun. One of the children walked over. He was older than me._

 _"_ _I-I've never seen people as dark as you." I realized that the children were all also very pale. My father and I were naturally dark the sun only tanned us further. "What's it like? The sun?" how could I explain the sun?_

 _"_ _It's big and yellow and hurts your eyes if you stare to long. In the summer it get really hot." I realized more children had gathered around at the mention of the sun._

 _"_ _What's it like up there!?" I girl about my age asked._

 _"_ _Always busy. Lots of people and houses. That's all: lots of people, buildings, and the wall."_

 _"_ _Kira, wrench please." I stood and handed the tool to my bent over father. He tightened the last bolt and fired the machine up. "All fixed." He declared. The workers paid my father and we left. I was sad to leave those kids. They seemed so sad. Maybe I gave them some joy. I liked to think I did._


	41. Chapter 41

We were conducting another experiment on Eren. We had our control which was his stamina on level ground with no obstacles. Now we we're testing him in the woods. In the woods he was only able to last and hour before he had to stop.

"You did good Eren." I helped him stand and walk over to a tree to lean against. Hanji recorded his vitals while I tended to my horse. Everything was going fine then out of nowhere Dusk started fussing and freaking out.

"Dusk. Dusk! Calm down." I held tightly to her reins. She reared up and I knew I would be kicked. I let go of her reins to shield my head. I felt someone grab the back of my jacket pulling me back just as Dusk came down and took off running.

"What the hell spooked her?" Mike asked from behind me. Releasing my cloak.

"I have no idea." I scratched my head thinking. "Thanks for pulling me out of the way."

"No problem."

"I should go look for her." I started walking in the direction Dusk ran off when Levi stopped me.

"The last time you wondered off you got lost. I'll go with you." I wanted to glare at his gloomy ass but I was a good girl and held back. I said nothing as I tracked Dusk's trail.

"I did not get lost. It just got dark." Levi made a disapproving sound. We found Dusk still making a fuss. Stomping the ground and snorting. "Maybe she's sick?" I watched her for a little while before deeming it safe to approach. We walked up to her slowly. "Easy girl. What's wrong?" I was able to grab her reins and stroke her nose.

"Stupid horse, why'd she run off."

"I don't know." I wished I could talk to animals. Then I'd know. I was able to lead her back to camp. "I would have been fine, Corporal." I looked over my shoulder at him.

"No one should be wandering off by themselves anyway." When we entered the clearing Hanji looked upset.

"What's wrong, Hanji?" I asked her.

"You didn't tell me your birthday was coming up!"

"Hanji, inside voice. You'll wake Eren." I scolded her. Good grief I sounded like my mother.

"We should have a party!" she completely ignored me.

"No, no we should not."

"Aww, why not?" she whined.

"I don't like parties."

"But you'll be 27. That's a special year!" she pleaded.

"How is it special?"

"You'll only be 27 once we need to celebrate!" she tossed her arms into the air. I groaned knowing I'd lost. "I can plan with Jess!"

I mouthed 'fuck'. This had to be my worst nightmare. Jess and Hanji planning my birthday party.

"We should get going." Mike told us readying his horse. Eren road with me again


	42. Chapter 42

I was happy to be going home. I'd get to see Free again and I'd be off horse duty for a while. However, it would also mean my birthday party planned by Hanji and Jess. Birthdays just haven't been the same since they died. I love my friends, but still, I'd like to see my sisters, my mother, my family.

I sighed patting Dusk's neck. By the next expedition Levi will have chosen new squad members. I wondered who they'd be. Certainly members with high skills, but I couldn't think of any at the moment. I shrugged to myself mounting Dusk and giving her a swift kick.

I trotted by Eren and his friends. He waved at me. I smiled back. I looked for Levi. The air was chilly today and the ground was still a little soggy from the rain a few days ago.

"Kira, you'll be riding with Eren and I till we reach the wall." It seemed Corporal found me first.

"Yes, Sir."

We readied to leave. Erwin gave the command and off we were. I still didn't like riding in the back of the formation. How many years had I been a scout? Since 845, so almost 6 years. Didn't seem like that long. Had to be some sort of record. It is one of the most dangerous positions, but I'd volunteered for it. Mom always said I had a death wish. I guess she was right.

But riding in the safest part of the formation felt oddly wrong. I decided to put it out of my mind for now. I'd be no good in a fight with a clouded mind. I fisted my injured hand. It hurt, but not too bad.

"Hey, Kira?" I looked over my shoulder at Eren. His hair was blow back for riding into the wind. I imagined my own hair was flying wildly behind me.

"What is it, Eren?"

"Do you think Jess would let me stay with you for a couple days?" I was too shocked to answer for a moment. Levi even raised an eyebrow. I smiled at him.

"Jess thinks you're the most adorable thing ever. She'd probably adopt you if she could." I seen his cheeks get pink. "She'll have no problem with it." I reassured him. I wanted to ask why, but decided not to.

"What about your party? When will that be?" I groaned.

"I was hoping they would miraculously forget about it actually."

"It can't end up being that bad, can it?" even Levi looked back at him with an 'are you serious' glare.

"Eren, this is Hanji and Jess were talking about here. I know you've only met Jess a few times, but surely from those few time you get the picture." The little brat shot a look at Levi. Dammit Eren hide your thoughts!  
"Oh, yeah, I guess it could end up bad, huh?"

"You think?" course change. We road for a while long before stopping and resting. I talked to the Support Squad, or my squad that is, about entering the wall. Splitting them up into left and right flanks. They were warming up to me.

"You'll be pretty useless with that hand, won't you?" most of them were warming up to me any way.

"Hey, respect you superior, soldier. I wouldn't allow her to fight if she were unable to. Besides, even with a broken arm she could kick your shitty asses over the wall." I felt my face get hot. They all stood at salute as Levi spoke. I frowned. They didn't stand at salute like that for me. For me it was lazy and half-hearted.

"We're sorry Corporal Levi, Sir." They said in unison. They didn't respect me. Was it because I nearly beat one of their friend to death? I guess that was a good reason, but it was their fault for having bad friends. Maybe it was my height. I was shorter than Levi, only by a few inches, but still shorter. Maybe it's because I'm a girl? I suppose there were many possibilities for their lack of respect, but it was beginning to piss me off.

I continued with Levi and Eren in the back of the formation, but when the wall came into view I road ahead in front of the formation with the rest of the Support squad. When we got close enough to the buildings we switched to our 3DMG. We ran along the roof tops keeping good pass with the formation.

"Five meter! Mark, Anika!" they nodded flying in front of the titan to grab its attention, but it ignored them. I breathe hitched. A variant. "No way am I letting you get to the formation." I narrowed my eyes at the monster. I fired my gear swinging into the air.

"Kira!" I fired again swing around so I could look back to whoever yelled at me and get to the nape of the neck. I almost screamed. My fight or flight mode kicked in immediately and I sliced off the fingers reaching out for my flailing figure. I fired again going in the opposite direction, but the five meter was waiting. I realized, then in that moment, I was about to die.

I heard the sound of gear being fired but it wasn't mine. Using the last bit of moment I had left I kicked Levi away. He wouldn't have time to recover and rescue me. It was suddenly dark and wet.

I'm coming home, Mom.

 **Thanks for reading! Review and heart please :)**


	43. Chapter 43

Levi sat on the back of his horse barely able to breath. He hadn't even attempted to clean the titan saliva on his hands.

Damn her. Damn her to hell. He thought bitterly.

He ignored the chatter of the crowed that welcomed them. The nervous chatter. They'd seen what had happen and all eyes were on the carriage. The soldiers lessened as more and more went to find their families. Levi stopped his horse beside Erwin's.

He couldn't get that look she gave him out of his head. He gripped his reins in a white knuckle grip.

"Damn her. What was she thinking?" he was losing his composure. Erwin sighed heavily just as worried as Levi.

"She's selfless to the stubborn point. She wouldn't risk your life no matter the situation." Worst of all Levi hated that he was right. That was just the way Kira was. He glanced back at Eren who seemed to be holding back tears with a horrified look. Mikasa walked over pulling him into a hug.

Levi sighed. The carriage that carried Kira was long gone. Probably to the hospital by now.

"Will she be alright?" Eren asked him.

"I don't know, Eren." A second later and—no. He didn't want to think about that. How he'd almost been too late.


	44. Chapter 44

Is this what death feels like? Just black emptiness everywhere? Nothing? I struggled to open my eyes. It was like trying to hold sand without it slipping through your fingers. I finally opened them, I seen nothing but a blurry mess no matter how many times I blinked. I reached up a hand to rub my eyes. I heard a voice, but it sounded far away.

"Mom?" my throat felt dry.

"Don't you ever did that again!" Eren…? But, I thought I was dead. Eren better not be dead. "How could you do that, Kira!?" he wailed.

"I'm…sorry." Eren… something seemed different.

"She'll be out of it for a while." Who was she? I tried to sit up, but a horrible, excruciating pain erupted. I screamed and someone pressed their hands to my shoulders. "Don't try to sit up Miss. Free." Miss. Free? Who the hell calls me that? I opened my eyes again. It was a woman. A nurse?

"Where…am I?" I asked her.

"The hospital. You were injured when returning to the wall. Somehow you maintained only minimal injuries, but you'll still be in a lot of pain." She took in my confused look. "Don't you remember what happened?" I shook my head, but I winced. It hurt. "I suppose you could have amnesia." She mused.

"What's that mean?" Eren asked her.

"It's not uncommon for the brain to block certain memories of a traumatic event to protect itself."

"So, you don't remember?" Eren asked me. I frowned thinking.

"Everything's….fuzzy." I looked around the room. "Where is everyone? Are they ok?" I tried to sit up again but the nurse or doctor held me down again.

"You've been out for a few hours, so they went to get food, but I wanted to be here when you woke up." I smiled at him ruffling his hair like I did when he was little.

"So what happened?" his face dropped.

"Ma-Maybe later. The other's should be back soon." Was it really that bad?

 **So I've completely finished writing this story. Now all I have to do is post all the chapters I have written and there is plenty more to come.**


	45. Chapter 45

_I watched. Stunned to absolute stillness. My sisters cried beside me. There was so much blood. So much yelling. I realized they wouldn't survive. The baby was quiet. That wasn't right. I covered my mouth with my hand as I watched._

 _My mother held the still baby in her hands with a sad look. My grandmother was covered in blood. There was nothing they could do._

 _I witnessed death for the first time._

 _What was supposed to bring another life took two. My mother wrapped the baby in a blanket. The mother of the child didn't move. Her chest didn't rise and fall. Her cheeks stained with tears, but no cry escaped her lips. She was dead._

 _Jema threw up. Mary cried. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I swallowed hard._

 _Before, life had been all happiness. I'd never experience a tragedy up until that day. I began to cry. I realized just how cruel the world was. Death happened everywhere. I've killed. My name means killer. But somehow this didn't seem fair._

 _Later that night my mother told me it was better this way because the mother wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing a child. My mother had a miscarriage before I was born. It haunted me at night sometimes knowing that I had a brother or sister I'd never met, never seen, never spoken to._

 _The world was unfair. Cruel. I was just too naïve to seen it until that afternoon. Watching as everyone went about their days as if something horrible hadn't happened. I cried in my room. I didn't want to grow up. I wanted to stay a naïve child. Dreading wash day, helping daddy, always seeing the good in people first. Now I found myself expecting the worst. Because I realized that's how the world works. One bad thing after the other._


	46. Chapter 46

I still couldn't remember even though it has only been two days since I entered the hospital and woke up. I remember kicking Levi away, but after that—well, there's nothing. The next thing I remember is waking up here, in the hospital. However, what bothered me more was the fact Levi hadn't stopped by. Not many had actually.

Eren came every day. Jean and his mother stopped by for a little bit, and, of course, Jess and Michael. But that was all. Erwin hadn't even stopped by which surprised me. I frowned at the ceiling thinking.

"I hate this place." The room was empty at the moment. I tried to sit up it hurt like hell but it was bearable. I sighed when the pain subsided. I realized I must have really screwed up. I just wanted to know how I didn't get eaten. How someone managed to save me. I was able to pull that much together for the memories I did have.

A nurse brought me my lunch. I grumbled eating the food. I was alone for the rest of the day and incredibly bored. I wanted to leave, but the doctor wanted to keep me at least another day just to make sure there was no internal damage they'd missed. I'm not dead so I didn't have any internal bleeding. That was a miracle in itself. The bruises were horrifyingly nasty. Starting just below my right breast and circling down over my left hip and ending just above my knee. In a couple places the skin had broken open requiring a few stitches that were sure to leave a scar.

Just the thought of being in a titan's mouth gave me chills. Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." I called softly. Levi stepped in his face completely emotionless. I looked away. I'd wanted him here, but now he's here and I don't want that.

"How are you feeling?" he asked casually.

"Aren't you going to yell at me? I probably deserve it." I frowned at the sheets covering my legs.

"I was," he said "but then I realized it would have been hypocritical and pointless."

"Why?" I asked. He looked me in the eye. His gaze was demanding and I felt like letting him look into my eyes was like letting him see a part of me I let no one see. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't.

"I would have done the same." He walked forward pulling up a chair. "I would have kicked you away. Erwin made me realize that."

"Oh." Was all I could say.

"And that is simply in your nature to be selfless to a stubborn point." He glared at me a little.

"Heh, yeah, I guess so, huh?" I thought for a moment. Fitting my words together before I spoke them. "I-I'm sorry, Levi. I don't remember what happened—at least not all of it—, but I've figured out it was bad. I'm sorry."

"What the hell are you apologizing for?" he glared at me. I looked away.

"Can you tell me what happened? Nobody will tell me." I wrung my sheets nervously. Did I really want to know?

"You were going about your mission with the Support squad when you got caught between two titans."

My breath hitched. Two?

"One a variant. You had no way out. Your team was too far away to help you in time." He got a pained look in his eyes. "Seeing this I went to help, but the moment you heard my gear firer you turned and kicked me a way." He looked at me hard. "You knew it was hopeless and you wouldn't risk it, you selfless brat." He frowned harder.

"The titan had you in its mouth, about to bite down, but I was able to cut the nape and get you out of its mouth before it hit the ground and killed you." I felt tears running down my face. I was too numb to wipe them away. Gently I touched the bruises on my stomach.

"I-I'm sorry Levi." I cried finally able to speak. He leaned over and hugged me. Bringing me tightly into his arms. I was shocked for a moment.

"Don't ever give me that look ever again. The fucking 'forgive me' look." He mutter into my shoulder. "Ugh, you're filthy. When was the last time you had a bath?" he asked me, but he didn't pull away. I smiled.

"Just admit you were scared of losing me, because I was scared to die too." He pulled away and look at me. I gave him a smile.

"You're right," he returned it. "I haven't been that scared in a while. Don't ever do that again."

"I'll always do my best to come back to you that way I left. I'm alive because of you, Levi. Thank you."

"You owe me now." His face returned to his signature glare.

"Fine, but can I be off horse duty?"

"Fine. I'll come up with something else." I smiled in relief. Then door open and Maka, Markus, and Free walked in.

"Kira, we heard what happened. I'm sorry we couldn't come sooner." She realized Levi was in the room also. She furrowed her brow and scratched her chin something she did when she was thinking. I frowned back at her. What was she think? "Hello, Levi, it's nice to meet you again." Free was cooing in her arms.

Levi smiled again seeing Free. I liked it when he smiled. Maybe a little too much, but I didn't care. It was nice to see him lose that tough exterior once in a while. Maka handed me Free, she and Markus took a seat close to the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Markus asked me.

"Not too bad. It's mostly just bad bruising. I should be going home in a day or two." Free leaned against my chest toying with my hair.

"We're just glad you're alright. What would Free do without his Godmother?" my jaw dropped a bit. "That is, if you're ok with it." She added seeing my shocked expression. I smiled despite myself.

"Of course. I would love to."

"Oh, wonderful!" Make clapped her hands together. I looked at Free's eyes. It looked like they were going to be a light blue like his fathers. "Do you ever plan to have children, Kira? You seem to love them, or at least Free."

"Yes, I would like a baby. Maybe a few. I don't know. I'm not ready to leave the military yet. Plus I'm still kinda young." I shrugged.

"How about you, Levi? Every thought of having children?" Maka asked him. Levi looked to be thinking while looking a Free. I remembered that moment in the kitchen and I smiled.

"Perhaps. Free's not too bad. Never really thought about it before." Free gently took Levi's index finger in his tiny grip.

"Well I think you and Kira would make absolutely beautiful babies." I felt my face get red and hot.

"Maka!" Markus scolded his wife.

"Oh, hush Markus. I was just joking." She waved him off. I let out a nervous laugh. Hanji came bursting into the room without knocking.

"Hey, Hanji. You remember the baby I told you about? The one I delivered?" her eyes got wide and excited like they did at the mention of titans.

"Let me see!" she rushed over. "Oh he's soooo cute!" she cooed at him. "Huh? Levi you're smiling! Are you sick?"

"Don't be stupid, I always smile." I snorted with a laughed. He glared at me.

"And you two say you're not a couple." Maka scoffed at us.

"We're not." I felt my eye twitch. Hanji gave me a knowing look and I glared heatedly at her. She shrugged.

"This room's getting small." Levi commented. He was right the room was small. "How long till your Shitty Brat returns?" he glanced at the door.

"Eren, will probably be gone for the rest of the day. Said he was hanging out with Mikasa and Armin." I glared at him.

"Kira, may I see your injuries?" Hanji had the mad scientist look in her eyes.

"I guess. Help me stand?" I handed Free back to Maka. Sitting for the last two days left my legs a little wobbly. I winced in pain, but relaxed when I was fully up right. I lifted my shirt so she could see my midsection. The black and purple bruising arced out till it was cut off by my pants near my left hip. Hanji gently traced her finger across the black-ish bruise. Yellow and brown radiated out from the black and purple. It was disturbing to look at, so I took no offence when Maka turned away with a hand covering her mouth.

"It's a miracle you had no internal bleeding. Levi got you out just in time." She said softly. "You had a lot of people worried Kira." I frowned at that. I couldn't really believe that many people cared about me. I let my shirt fall.

"I didn't mean too." I felt tears sting my eyes. "I don't want people to worry about me." I said quietly.

"You're too lovable for us to not care about!" Hanji said throwing her arm over my shoulders. "Even Levi cares about you even if he shows it by complaining about you." She laughed. I smiled slightly.

"I know." I looked over at him, but he scoffed and rolled his eyes. It was good to have friends. I couldn't remember a truly good reason why I had liked being lonely before.


	47. Chapter 47

"Kira! Kira! Guess what!" Jess yelled barging into the room at a dead sprint. In her hand was clutched a small white card. Kira looked up from the book she was reading. She was laid up against several pillows while sitting on her bed aka the couch.

"What is it?" she asked noticing the excited look on her flamboyant friends face. Jessica shoved the small card in front of Kira, barely able to contain a squeal.

"You've got a Humanity Card!" she smiled so hard her face began to hurt. Kira sat up further in shock almost not feeling the pain from her bruises. Gently she took the card into her fingers.

"No way." She breathed looking over her likeness with unbelieving eyes. "Humanity Cards are so rare, how did you manage to get one?" she looked up at Jess who smiled.

"Bought it off a sucker of a kid." Kira frowned disapprovingly at her. "Don't worry I paid him enough to get three more sets of cards." She waved her hand dismissing the issue.

"I never thought I would have a Humanity Card." She smiled. Jess ran back to her room to get something. "Evan did a good job."

"I always forget you're the one who started the Titan Slayer Cards." Kira nodded at Jess who now held her Card album. She was a hardcore collector.

"Yep, Evan, the kid I trained to take my place, is doing really well with it. Opening an actual print shop. I heard that the cards are even getting popular in the inner-wall. I think he's married now with a few kids."

Humanity cards were rare. There were only two before Kira's: Humanities Strongest and Humanities Hope. And now Humanities Deadliest. On the stiff card Kira stood with her swords drawn, titan blood steaming off them, she stood atop a fallen titan a pile of dismembered and steaming titans behind her. What Kira liked most was her expression in the card. She felt it was more her than her other card. On the back was a message from Evan.

 _In honor of the Titan Slayer Card's creator. Humanities Deadliest: Kira Free.  
_  
"Found it!" Jess yelled holding up a card. She handed it to Kira who took it. This card was drastically different. On this card she was cover and steaming with titan blood. A crazed look in her eye and a crude smile twisting her features. Scrawled across the bottom was Kira the Killer. Kira Free small just beneath it. Kira wondered if that was really what she looked like. It was hard to believe.

"And here's Levi's." Jess tugged the card from its sleeve. Levi's Humanity Card had him in midair, swords drawn in the way he used them to do his fancy spinning cuts, and blood flying around him. Evan nailed his expression. "And Eren's." they traded the cards so Jess could put Levi back in his sleeve. Eren was depicted in titan form.

"I even have some of your originals. Like you grandpa's."

"Really?" Kira asked stretching her neck to get a better view of the album without moving her torso. Jess flipped the album around leaving the card in its sleeve since these cards were older and much more fragile. Kira smiled sadly at the drawing. "I only ever made three of those. How did you get it?"

"The guy I bought it from wasn't well versed in the Titan Slayer Cards, so he didn't really know its worth, but it still costed a ton of money." Jess groaned remembering the bill.

They looked through the cards awhile longer. Kira purposely skipped over Petra, Oluo and the others. Jess didn't ask why she knew and had no intention of refreshing that pain in Kira's heart.

 **The Titan Slayer cards are based off of the Rot and Ruin series by Jonathan Mulberry, amazing books I totally recommend them, but the original idea for them is mine and I'm ok if you want to use them in a story just ask me first and give me credit. Thank you for reading and respecting my ideas!**


	48. Chapter 48

_I awoke with a panic. My room filled with the light of the full moon I could almost see as well as during the day. I reminded myself it was only a dream, yet my fingers still trembled. I sighed finally feeling my heart return to its normal pace._

 _"_ _Dreams can hurt me." I whispered to myself in the darkness. "No. Nightmares can't hurt me." I corrected myself. I snuggled back into my blankets reminding myself again and again that nightmares aren't real and the monster can't hurt me._

 _"_ _Monsters can't get inside the walls."_

 **I am in shock right now. The amount of views I'm getting on this story is insane at least for me. never in all the stories that I've posted on this sight have I gotten nearly 400 views in one day. Thank you so much every one who is reading. It means sooo much to see your view. Thank you for reading. ;)**


	49. Chapter 49

I was laying on the couch sketching out Jess as she busied herself in the kitchen washing dishes. I hardly paid any mind to the knocking on the door. They came so often now. I wasn't sure if Jess's apartment could hold anymore flowers. Jessica dried her hands before grabbing the handle. I darkened the fold and wrinkles of her shirt and added darker tones to her hair.

Erwin stood in the door way with a dish in his hands.

"Hello, Commander, how are you?" I asked putting away the sketchbook and pencil.

"I came here to ask you not the other way around." Jess invited him in taking the dish. "I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook, but I figured you would have more than enough flowers." He said looking around the room that was, indeed, filled with vases and flowers.

"That's an understatement." Jess muttered taking the casserole into the kitchen.

"Well, how are you, Kira? I'm sorry I couldn't stop by sooner, but I was practically drowning in paperwork." He apologized with a smile.

"It's fine. I figured you were busy. I'm doing well actually. I can get up and walk much easier now. Bruises are still ugly though."

"Has Levi come to see you?" he asked.

"Once, when I was in the hospital, but I haven't seen him since. He's probably still angry at me. I'd be angry at me too." I realized I hadn't introduced Jess and Erwin yet. "Jess, this is Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps." Erwin stood and thank her for inviting him into her home.

"And I'm Jessica Nite,….of the Garrison." She replied. I think she just realized who exactly he was. She leaned over to me. "WE have the Commander of the Survey Corps in our house!" she whisper-yelled.

"I'm aware of that Jess."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Nite." Erwin took her hand and kissed her knuckles. I'd never seen Jess so flustered and pink in the face. He turned to me. "I'm suspending you from the next expedition." He said almost apologetically.

"I figured. It's probably best anyway. I doubt I'll be fight worthy in a month." By the time the next expo takes place the bruise might have healed, but I'll still be weak from sitting on my ass for a month.

"We don't want you getting more injured. I doubt Levi would allow you to go anyway. Even if you were fully healed and back to original strength."

"Probably. Would you like to stay for dinner, Erwin?" I asked him. He looked like he was about to refuse when Jess cut him off.

"We should invite Levi. Just have an adult's night."

"I think that's a wonderful idea. Head quarter's not too far from here. I'll go get him." Erwin began heading to the door.

"No I will." I started to stand. "I've been wanting to get out of this apartment anyway. I'll be as quick as I can be."

"Well, if you insist." Erwin said helping me stand. I waved goodbye.

The streets were busy, but nobody paid any attention to me. I was looking around distractedly when I walked into someone.

"Watch were the hell you're going!" the person cursed. I looked up.

"Levi?"

"What the hell are you doing up?" he crossed his arms over his chest in a scolding manor.

"Looking for you actually. I was heading to HQ."

"Why wouldn't you be doing that?"

"Erwin brought us some dinner and I asked him to stay. Then Jess said we should invite you and have an adult's night."

"I thought Eren was staying with you?"

"He was staying at Jess's while I was in the hospital. He wanted to be close, but now he's staying at HQ." I explained.

"I was on my way to your apartment anyway." He shrugged.

"Then what were all the questions for?" I glared at him.

"Wait you left Jessica with Erwin?" he ignored me.

"She'll behave. Erwin's got her too flustered to do anything really."

"I don't trust that girl." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Jess knows when to be serious and respectful. Erwin just being the Commander knocked her down few notches.

"I'll believe it when I see it."

He made no comment on our slow pace back to the apartment. When we got back Jess and Erwin were sipping the new bottle of wine Jess got the other day.

"That was quick." She commented.

"He was already halfway here. I just ran into him literally."

"Sounds like something you would do." I glared at her. She giggled while pouring two more glasses. "The casserole should be warmed up soon." She said handing us the freshly poured wine. It tasted good, easily sliding over my tongue.

"Where's that Michael boy?" Levi asked looking around the apartment.

"He's working a nightshift. He won't come by till tomorrow afternoon." I told him.

"Have you two ever seen Kira drunk? It's hilarious." I felt my face get pink while I glared at Jess.

"I'm not going to get drunk tonight." She raised an eyebrow as if in challenge. I glared harder.

"It's adults night right? So let's get loose and have some childish fun. Kira and I used to play this all the time when were in training." She said leaning over to set her wine glass down on the table.

"Oh, I know what you're talking about." I frowned at the red liquid. "We did some crazy shit." Jess started laughing.

"That's an understatement. Remember when I dared Jack to run a lap with only his boxers on and it was the dead of winter."

"Ya I remember that. The crazy asshole did it too." I smiled remembering something else "Remember when we got poor Daniella to jump off the roof? She broke her arm because of you. Had to leave the military for good." I shot a glance at Jess. She waved it off.

"I saved that girl life. She'd married now with two kids."

"Of course you indirectly saved someone's life." I glared.

"Don't hate."

"What is this game you two brats are goin' on about?" Levi rolled his eyes.

"Truth or Dare. It's like a trainee rite of passage. Third years always get the first years to do something absolutely insane and if they do they've earned their place so to speak." I explained quickly. Erwin smile.

"I remember this. I didn't realize it was still a tradition."

"Who doesn't like seeing newbies squirm? I know this one does." I jutted my finger at Levi who glared in turn. "Wait you've never played have you Levi? You didn't go through the Trainee Corps like the rest of us." I knew some of the story, but not all.

"This is gonna be great!" Jess smiled largely. I wondered if 'great' was the right word. "Alright, Commander Erwin, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Wimp. Alright! Umm, let's see—oh I got it. Is it true that you knew Kira's grandpa, because she say's you did but I don't know if I believe her." I glared at her for not trusting me.

"Yes I did know Commander Free and Kira when she was young, but not personally." I looked up surprised. I didn't remember Erwin, but I suppose he would have looked much, much different as a teenager.

"Alright your turn." He nodded looking Levi and I over. I tried not make any eye contact.

"Kira. Truth or dare?" I thought for a moment. I decided to play it safe or safer.

"Truth."

"Is what Jessica said about what you said about Levi true? To be honest I'm curious." it took me a minute to sort out his indirect wording.

"No. No it is NOT. I never said any of that."

"Out loud." Jess muttered. "Or that you remember. You were drunk remember? Who knows what you said." She grinned evilly. I tried to glare, but my red face probably ruined the effect.

"Ok Jess, truth or dare?"

"Dare, baby."

"I dare you to throw out all these flowers because they're starting to give me a headache." She scoffed at me.

"That's not fair!" she whined standing up. "Can I just throw them out the window?"

"There's a dumpster down there right?" she nodded opening the window to check. "I don't see why not." She got to work quickly throwing out vase after vase of dying flowers. I stood up to get the casserole serving up four plates. I don't know what Erwin was talking about the dish tasted great.

"Alright Levi you're turn. Truth or dare." He looked a Jess for a moment before speaking.

"You're right this game is childish." He sighed. "Truth."

"I expected more from Humanities Strongest but whatever. Is it true that Kira is stubborn as hell?"

"She reminds me of a horse I once had actually." He said it in such a monotone voice it drove me nuts. I smacked his arm lightly.

"I am not anything like a horse." I pouted.

"Yes you are. Erwin truth or dare."

"Dare." He said confidently. I think the wine was starting to get to him.

"I dare you to go change Free's dipper." Levi pointed to the door with a smug look.

"Levi, that's cruel. I like it." I said as I took a sip of the wine. I remembered the first time Levi changed Free's dipper. Maka had left Free in my care while Levi was there. I was cooking lunch so I asked him to do it. The amount of cursing and the descripting of what was in the dipper was something I'd never forget. Of course Levi being a clean freak only made his reaction better.

Erwin stood and left, we ate while he was gone. He returned about ten minutes later and sat down without saying a word.

"Those poor parents." He looked slightly horrified. I snickered. "Jessica, truth or dare." He asked her.

"Dare." She was a dare kinda girl.

"I dare you to tell us an embarrassing story." Erwin said. Combined we'd drank more than 3/4 of the bottle. I was sure he was on the tipsy side.

"When we were in the second year of training I'd gone to the girl's bath house, but someone had stolen my cloths so I had two choices. Stay there till someone found me or go get more clothes in only my towel. I wasn't one to back down from a challenge so I walked back in a towel. Kira and Michael at the time were off doing something so I couldn't ask them for help, but anyway I get to the dorm and the girls who stole my clothes had everyone there waiting for me. Of course they laughed and one girl tried to pull my towel away and almost did. The next day more than 30 kids were badly injured." She shot a glance at me. "How many bones did you break?"

"Seven noses, three arms, dislocated ten shouldered, broke one kid's leg, and a few other things. That was so long ago I barely remember." I put a fork full of casserole in my mouth. Levi and Erwin blinked a few times. "What? Mess with my friends I fuck you up. Simple as that. And it's not like I was alone in the act. Michael helped, but we didn't get caught either. They were too scared to snitch." I shrugged.

"Kira, truth or dare." Jess asked me with and excited smile.

"Dare." I was making a mistake I knew it.

"Call Levi by his nickname I gave him." Her grin grew. I sputtered trying to form words.

"I can't do that."

"You have to you chose dare."

"I choose truth then!"

"Can't change."

"Please!" I begged.

"Nope, and you have to look at him when you do."

"You asshole!"

"Sticks and stones. Now say it." She grinned. I shifted so I could look at Levi better. I could feel that my face was red hot. I covered my cheeks with my hands taking moment to gain the courage to say this.

"She call—"

"No! Say it like it's an everyday occurrence!" she cut me off. I began to wonder if her devious mind had his planed from the start. I was positive she had. I decided that if I was going to do this I'd do it well and with the last bit of dignity I had left. I saluted him while still sitting down taking a deep breath.

"Mister Shorty-McHottie, Commander Erwin has asked for your presence in his office." I was proud of myself for keeping a straight face. It didn't last long though. I turned away pressing a pillow into my face while cursing Jess to the tenth circle of hell and back. She just laughed to the point she was crying. Even Erwin's deep laughter filled the room. I heard nothing from Levi though and that scared me.

I looked up from the safety of my pillow, but Jess and Erwin were still laughing. Glad my humiliation was worth something. I sat up clutching the pillow to my chest. When Jess gets drunk she laughs at anything. It's a good thing she's got a cute laugh.

"I hate you."

"No you don't. You love me and you know it." She giggled.

"Doesn't mean I don't hate you." She leaned over and poked me in the forehead.

"Grumpy."

"I'm grumpy because of you." I glared.

"No, you're just embarrassed."

"Whatever." I muttered. Levi still hadn't said anything. I shot a glance at him, but was met with his piercing grey eyes. Upon contact I turned away immediately hiding in my pillow again. Suddenly it slipped from my grasp. "No, give that back!" I tried to grab it from Levi's had as he leaned back away from me ignoring the mild pain.

"Dammit, Levi give it back!" Jess was laughing again. Levi had a smug smirk as he kept the pillow just out of my grasp. "Damn you!" I cursed lunging for it. He switched hands and I missed again.

"Umm, Kira." I looked to Erwin and stopped.

"What is it, eyebrows?" Jess lost it.

"You're position is very provocative." The corner of his mouth struggled to stay down. I realized I was pressed up against Levi and straddling him.

"Pay back." He smirked up at me. I snatched the pillow and buried my face in it.

"I hate you. I hate you all. I hope you all die a fiery death!"

"You'd be lost without us." Jess said breathlessly.

"I'd be perfectly found without you!"

"That makes no since."

"Yes it does!"

"Both of you, shut the hell up." Levi complained.

"See, I told you, drunk Kira was the best." Jessica laughed.


	50. Chapter 50

Kira was rudely awoken by the late morning sunlight streaming in through the window that was opened at some point in the night. She sat up from the uncomfortable position she had slept in and felt her back pop several times. Standing she walked to the kitchen to make coffee and tea. She had a headache so she knew Jessica would have a hangover, but Levi and Erwin she couldn't be sure of.

"How much alcohol was in that wine?" she muttered while setting the kettle on the stove to boil. She looked back to the living room. Levi was passed out in a similar position she had been, but on the other arm. Jess and Erwin were leaning against each other.

Yawning Kira started a lite breakfast. She was half way done when Levi woke up grumpily walking to the kitchen and taking a seat at the table. Kira set a cup of tea in front of him. She only received a grunt in response. He glared at her heatedly for several minutes. Kira was too tired to really care what Levi did.

"Jess, Erwin, wake up. Breakfast is ready." Kira gently shook the two awake. Jess fell off the couch and didn't get up for a few minutes. Erwin sat and stared at the wall for a while, but eventually they made their way to the kitchen.

The four ate in silence glaring at each other while eating pancakes. Levi was the worst. Jess just wanted to back to bed.

"Let's not do that again for a while." Jess finally broke the silence. The other three agreed with a grunt. Kira stood up and closed the window. She couldn't figure out how they didn't freeze to death during the night. It was late morning and the air was bitter, during the night it had to have been down right cold. She shrugged to herself pushing the window down cutting off the chilly air flow.

"How are you able to afford such a nice apartment? No offence." Erwin asked Jess.

"Before I joined the military my family and I lived in a farming village. After I joined they moved here and bought this building. They turned the rooms into apartments and started renting them. After I graduated and joined the Garrison they let me stay here. I still have to pay rent, but it's half the original price." Jess explained. "Most of the apartments are studios, this one's the only one with an actual bedroom. So, yeah, I guess I am lucky."

Kira sipped her coffee quietly only half listening to the conversation. Kira was always a quieter person, but Jess could tell there was something else beside the hangover bugging Kira. She frowned while eating her pancakes trying to think of the reason.

"Are your bruises bothering you, Kira?" Jess asked wondering if that was the reason for her friend's mood.

"A little. I worked them out quite a bit last night." Kira said remembering her little fight with Levi over the pillow. She ducked her head so they couldn't see her pink cheeks. "It's not bad though." She added after a moment. Jess continued to frown. The bruises weren't what was bothering Kira.

"Crap." She cursed finally figuring it out. She scolded herself for forgetting. "Uhh, nothing." She said quickly noticing the 3 pairs of eyes on her. She chewed her bite of pancake slowly thinking. She'd talk to Michael when he woke up and got his ass over to her apartment. She sighed heavily still not believing she forgot something so important.

 **I can't believe I've posted chapter 50! This is insane. Thank you for reading! feel free to review and heart. I love them.**


	51. Chapter 51

"I am the worst friend ever!" Jess ranted pacing back and forth in the little office.

"Jess, calm down." Michael tried to talk sense into her.

"WE FOR GOT!"

"Well, you forgot. I didn't." he corrected.

"WELL DON'T MAKE ME FEEL WORSE!" Jess yelled at him. Michael rubbed the back or his head sheepishly.

"It's probably best if we don't say anything anyway. You know how Kira gets around this time of year."

"Ya I know, but I still feel bad." Jess hugged herself. "I feel so bad for her Michael. I want to help, but I know I can't and it's so frustrating." She felt tears sting her eyes. Michael wrapped her in a hug kissing the top of her head.

"The worlds a cruel place, Jess. We just have to stick together. No matter what."

"I know, but Kira's been through so much. It's not fair. I know you lost your mother too, but Kira lost her whole family. Everyone she had left except for you. It's just not fair." The tears finally fell down her cheeks quickly getting soaked up by Michael's shirt.

"Thing is though I've never seen her so happy." He smiled slightly.

"Yeah I guess you're right." She pulled away wiping her eyes. "I don't care what Kira says, Levi makes her happy." She laughed lightly, but she stopped when she seen Michaels tense look. "What is it?"

"That Levi guy. Don't you think he's a bit gloomy and old for her?" he scratched his chin.

"He's only like eight years older and, even though I tease her about it, I'm not even sure if Kira like's him like that. She cares for him defiantly and not in the same way she cares for Eren or you. It's hard to tell with her sometimes. She's so good at hiding her emotions." Michael nodded in agreement.

"I guess you're right." He took a swig from his canteen.

"What was Kira like as a kid?" Jess asked quietly after a few moments of peaceful silence. Michael thought for a second.

"I didn't really know her. I seen her at school, but we never talked. I can tell you she didn't glare so much, but she was bullied some. I wasn't ever apart of it, but I didn't stop it either. After her father and grandfather died there was a noticeable change. She became more like the Kira we know and love today. One kid, I can't even remember his name, he started calling her names and stupid shit and Kira replied with a smartass comment that made him angry. Later that day the idiot smacked Jema, Kira's younger sister."

"Holy crap! Was he trying to get himself killed?" Michael just shrugged thinking over the memory.

"Kira always took the comments without much thought, very passive, but when she seen him slap Jema—well let's just say it didn't end well for him. He was too embarrassed to say he got beat up by a girl and everyone else was too scared to tattle. They didn't make fun of her after that, but they did started calling her Kira the Killer behind her back. Never to her face." He took another drink. That had been so long ago.

"So, 17 years ago today Kira's father and Grandfather died in the same week? And her birthday is next weekend? Damn everything."


	52. Chapter 52

_"_ _Alright Cadet, are you ready?" Kira nodded standing at salute, but in truth she was nervous as hell. "Good. Your test starts now. Get ready. I expect good results from the granddaughter of Commander Free." Kira was cursing herself for showing off earlier that week. Gulping she looked at the handles of her flesh pairing blades that doubled as triggers for her 3D gear. Taking a deep breath she turned to the trees awaiting her._

 _If I fail I'll be a laughing stock. She thought bitterly to herself. I won't let you down mom._

 _She fired the gear taking off. Her comrades watching with envy and amazement. Kira swung through the trees clumsy at first, but quickly getting the hang of it. The trainer's hurriedly scribbled down detailed notes on her actions. She was already ahead of her class, they looked for anything that could knock her down a few notches._

 _The General watched fondly as Kira worked her way around obstacles. The look in her eye. The drive. She looked perfectly at home. She was a warrior through and through. He was sure she'd excel greatly if she could stay alive._

 _One of the trainers pulled the rope, swing out the titan cut out that they'd hidden in thick tree branches. He smirked. Kira was too close to dodge, but his jaw dropped when she flipped out of the way missing the cut out by a hair, but dodged it none the less. Perhaps the trainer wouldn't have been so shocked if it weren't for the look in her eyes. He knew it was impossible for her to have seen the obstacle before he swung it out, so he knew it had to be that she had quick reflexes. He wrote it down._

 _He hadn't really understood why people called her Kira the Killer. Rumors spread that she'd killed two men before entering the military had been a conversation starter at many dinners, but nobody really thought they were true. Now he had no doubt. The look in Kira's eyes had been one of a pure blooded killer calculating her target, fixated solely on survival and fighting. He wrote these thoughts down._

 _Cheering could be heard as Kira's comrades watched. Michael crossed his arms smiling proudly._

 _"_ _That's our girl! Show 'em how it's done!" He yelled. Jessica cheered beside him jumping with her fists in the air._

 _"_ _Go, Kira!"_

 _Kira gained respect that day. She was offered a chance to advance to the next year, but she declined smiling back at Jess and Michael who told her she should._

 _"_ _No thanks, Sir. I believe my place is here with my comrades and family." She smiled._

 _That was the first time Kira had referred to Michael and Jess as her family and not simply friends._

 _"_ _Family." Michael stuck his fist out._

 _"_ _Family." Jess agreed slapping her hand on top of Michael's larger one._

 _"_ _Family," Kira smiled laying her own hand on top. "nobody gets left behind or forgotten, always and forever." They nodded a new determination to complete the next two and a half years together forged between the three._


	53. Chapter 53

I was too depressed at the moment to do anything but think. The apartment wasn't helping any. Sighing I stood and left not really telling Jess where I was going other than hunting and to have the smoker going when I got back. I walked through the streets looking at people as I passed venders and merchants. A group of children ran past bumping into my legs. I had one too many thoughts buzzing in my head and one to many were depressing.

I reached the gate and signed my name for a horse and gun for the day. I was going hunting. I wanted to make sure Jess that enough meat to last the winter. I hoped to get a deer.

I rode the horse to a denser area of woods and tied the horse up. I looked for tracks zigzagging back and forth through the trees. Eventually I did find a fresh set of tracks heading towards the creek just downhill. Quietly I followed the prints. Lucky for me it had rained during the night soaking the fallen leaves, so they didn't crunch when I stepped on them.

I swung my rifle around when the sturdy buck came into view. He had a nice rack with six points. Perfectly legal to shoot. Taking aim I waited for him to turn broadside for a clear shot. Turning the safety off I fired. A few birds scattered from their perches at the bang.

I breathed a sigh of relief when he took three strangled steps before collapsing. Taking out my knife I approached cautiously. He tried to move when he seen me, but I took the chance to jump on him and finish the job. I plunged the knife into his neck severing his main artery. I realized I was crying with thoughts of my father. He laid still next to the creek blood turning the clear, cold water crimson. My shoes were soaked through freezing my toes. Quickly I got out and dragged the buck onto the bank. There would be enough meat for Jess and then some. The pelt would bring some extra money as would the antlers.

I sliced away the fur from the meat peeling the coat back a little more with each swipe of my knife, biting my lip to hold back sobs. Dad had given it to me the day he had died because I had planned to go hunting that afternoon and would need a knife to skin them with. His initials were carved into the hilt. I slit the belly open spilling the internals onto the damp earth. It didn't smell too bad yet.

I missed him. I missed Grandpa. I wished the world wasn't so cruel. I hoped where ever they were it was better than here.

I put the intestines and a few other organs into a bag to sell. Jess nor Michael and I really cared for the liver or heart. I let the deer bleed out while I went to get my horse.

I took the thick thighs and back strap first. My mouth was watering at the thought of venison stew. I cut the meat from the neck and front legs. Soon nothing was left but the bones. The horse did a fine job of carrying the load back for me. Bad part was I had to carry everything back once I reached the gate. A guard did offer to help me carry, but I could tell that he wanted payed just not in cash. So I declined. Lucky for me Jess didn't live but a few blocks from the gate.

She had the smoker going strong when I got there. We'd done this before so while I processed the meat she strung it up in smoker and kept he fire going.

"Gosh, I'll have more than enough for winter! Michael too!"

"That was the plan." I told her. I finished slicing up the stew meat. "Hey, I'm going to get this to market before it spoils." I held up the bag of organs. She just nodded with a scrunched up nose. I grabbed the pelt and antlers, too.

I made a nice sum of money, most of it coming from the intestines since it was used to make arrows and such.

There was a bitter chill in the air. Winter was just around the corner and probably closer than anyone wanted to admit. My bruises were sore along with my back. When I got back to the apartment I heated water for a nice hot bath.

"I invited Levi, Erwin, and Hanji to eat with us for your birthday, so don't be in there too long!" she shouted at me. I glared even though I couldn't see her. Michael should be getting here soon, too.

I stripped my clothing trying not to look at the teeth shaped bruises. I sunk into the tub and groaned with relief. I felt my muscles relax and the pain in my abdomen and upper thighs numb away.

I knew I'd been in here far too long because the sun had set and I could smell the stew. Jess had brought in a kettle of hot water every once in a while, but now the water was lukewarm so I got out. I wrapped myself in a towel. Jess opened the door peeking in.

"Levi, Erwin, and that crazy girl Hanji showed up. Are you feeling alright? If you want you can lay down on my bed." She offered.

"Thanks, but I'm alright. I'll be out there in a minute." I told her getting to drying myself off. I needed to remind myself to have more faith in Jess.

"How ya feeling?" Michael asked me when I exited the washroom.

"Better now." I stretched hearing my back pop in a few places.

"Kira! Taste this." Jess shoved a spoon in my mouth before I could say anything.

"It tastes fine." Jess always lacked confidence in her cooking skills. I glared at her as she complained it would taste better if I had made it and that she couldn't figure out what it was missing.

"You're hair's a mess by the way."

"Yes, I'm sure it is. I haven't brushed it yet." I could literally feel Levi's glare.

"No, Levi, don't you dare!" I jumped behind Jess using her as a shield. He only frowned harder. Erwin tried to cover his smile while Hanji just doubled over laughing.

"Hey, don't use me as a shield!" Jess shrieked trying to get a way. Levi scoffed at me with a roll of his grey eyes.

"Who's hungry? I know I am." Michael broke our little stare down. I let Jess go so she could serve up five bowls.

"Is there meat in this?" Levi asked poking around at his stew.

"Yep. Got it this afternoon. The rest it out smoking." I told him.

"I better go check on the fire." Jess excused herself from the table.

"How are you healing, Kira?" Erwin asked me. It'd been nearly three weeks since I'd left the hospital.

"Better. I probably worked myself over too much today carrying the meat, but it was nothing a hot bath couldn't fix." I took a bite of soup chewing the tasty piece of meat.

"That's good to hear. We hope you'll be returning to the Corp soon." Hanji smiled.

"I hope to. I'm bored as hell just sitting around here." We ate in silence for a while. "When do you plan to leave next?"

"In one week." Levi replied since Erwin's mouth was full. "When we get back you and I need to talk." I looked down at my browned reflection in the soup. I couldn't think of anything that Levi and I need to talk about and it couldn't be that important if he was willing to wait till after the next scout. Should be interesting I'm sure.


	54. Chapter 54

Winter came before any of us could release the breath we were holding in hopes that fall might last a little longer. At least two inches covered everything in a pristine, white blanket. I was glad I got that deer for Jess. There was enough meat to give Michael a good share and even take several pounds to the children's house. Meat was such a rarity since the fall of wall Marina.

I poked the fire sending a breath of sparks up the chimney. Jess was busying herself with dusting and washing dishes.

"Kira, I'm going out to get a few things. I'll be back soon." Jess said while wrapping a scarf around her neck. I waved to her as she closed the door. I frowned at our dwindling pile of wood. Sighing I stood up to go down stairs. In the lobby was a tall stack of fire wood. During winter rent went up as payment for the ready to use supply of wood. Not a bad deal in my opinion. It saved me from going out there and chopping up a tree or buying coal or gas.

"Hello Kira, how are you feeling today?"

"Just fine, thanks for asking." I smiled at Jess's mother. She was a frail woman with graying hair and kind eyes.

"I'm glad to hear it." She smiled. "Do you need any help? Jonny wouldn't mind carrying that for you." Jonny was a boy about 12 years old who worked here chopping wood mostly.

"No, I've got it, but thank you." I grabbed one last log and stuffed it under my arm.

"Well good day to you then." I gave her a thankful smile before walking upstairs again. I set a few logs in the fire place and poked it a few times.

The Scout Regiment was leaving today and now that it was winter, wouldn't be back for three months. I was sure Hanji was being overly excited and Levi was probably glaring at her. I smiled thinking about them. I wanted to be with them getting ready with the Support Squad, but I wasn't an idiot I knew my injuries were still compromising. Sure the bruising was fading, but I was weak muscle wise. They'd be leaving around three and it was two now.

Scribbling down a note for Jessica I grabbed my cloak and stocking hat. The streets were busy as always. I saw a couple children struggling to make a snowman with the powdery snow. The crowds got thicker as I got closer to the gate and the gathering regiment. I pushed through people till I found Hanji.

"Kira! What are you doing here? I thought Erwin had suspended you?"

"He did, I just came to wish everyone good luck." I wrinkled my nose at the new snowflakes that had started to fall from the grey sky. She wrapped her arms around me lifting me up. "Hanji put me down!" I thumped her head. She laughed setting me down. She took my hand dragging me through the crowds. "Hanji, slow down dammit!" she paid me no mind as she continued her quest.

"There he is! Levi!" she yelled getting his attention. He walked over to us followed by my Support Squad who he had been talking to.

"Kira, what are you doing here?" he sneered. I caught myself before I rolled my eyes.

"Saying goodbye to my friends before you leave for three months." I wanted to thump him on the head for thinking me stupid enough to come here and beg to be allowed to rejoin. "I won't get to see you guy's till Christmas. You expected me not to come?" I inquired. He just scoffed and glared as usual. "You should smile more often." The snow fall had picked up. "Are you sure you guys should leave? If this keeps up visibilities going to go way down."

Levi turned his face upward studying the white flakes. "You're probably right. I'm sure Erwin has a plan."

"Kira!" Eren called slowing his jog to a stop a few feet away. Armin and Mikasa right behind him.

"Hey, kid what's up?" I reached up to ruffle his hair.

"I thought Commander Erwin had suspended you?"

"Just saying goodbye to everyone. That all." I explained quickly. I could feel Mikasa's heated glare. "You three be careful out there. Winters a dangerous time. Listen to your superiors. Understood?" they each nodded. Erwin called out that they were leaving early for visibility reason. I quickly said goodbye and stood with the people gathered around to wish them luck. I waved as the horses took off through the gate.

I added more wood to the fire when I got home. Jess still wasn't back which surprised me. That was until I heard her yell my name and a second later the door fly open. She shoved a black fluff ball in my face.

"Look what I found! Isn't he adorable?" the black fluff ball let out a squeakish meow. Jess pulled the kitten back to cradle against her chest. "What should we name him?" I rolled my eyes fondly at her.

"Where on earth did you find him?" I scratched its fuzzy black head.

"A little girl at the market was selling a litter and I just couldn't pass this little guy up." The kitten meowed again. "Well, what should we name him?"

"You want me to name him?"

"Well why not?"

"Alright, fine. How about Minx?"

"Sounds great!" she walked to the kitchen cooing to Minx as he struggled in her grip. I shook my head and grabbed a book. I had gotten a few chapters in when I felt pressure on my shoulder and a soft purr by my ear. I looked up at wide eyed Minx as he kneaded my shoulder. I reached up and scratched his head. He curled up against my neck and went to sleep purring away.

 **I had no school today, so here's an early update. Thanks for reading!**


	55. Chapter 55

"Kira Free, you are under arrest for the murder of two men." I gasped at the three Military Police men standing just outside the thresh hold.

"W-What?" I stuttered before they shoved the door open and forced themselves in. They rattled off my rights as they cuffed my hands behind my back. Jess was yelling at the men demanding to see a warrant. A piece of paper was shoved in her face as they pushed me out the door.

I was taken to the court house and then down to the dungeon like basement. "You'll be staying here till your court date which won't be for a while." One of the men sneered shoving me hard into the cell. "They want to wait for the Scouts to return, so you'll be here another two months." He locked the door. I stood up gripping the bars.

"The last time I killed someone it was over 16 years ago. It was labeled at self-defense. Why are they bringing it up now?" he swung the keys around his fingers looking back at his comrade as if asking for permission.

"We, the Military Police, have reason to believe you're…not human." They left before I could ask anything else. My mouth felt dry and I began banging on the bars demanding an explanation. When my hand started bleeding I sat down on the stiff bed and cradled my face trying not to cry.


	56. Chapter 56

"Uhh, Captain Levi?" Eren looked down at his hands waiting for Levi's response.

"What is it brat?"

"Why do people call Kira, Kira the Killer?"

"Hmm, I guess you never have seen her in that state." He swished the duster over the window frame. "The name became popular after the attack on Shignashira, but it was used before that. No one's sure how many titans she killed and she basically had to be dragged away."

"But is that any reason to call her a killer, Sir? I mean I've killed a lot of titans too." He rubbed his arm sheepishly.

"I believe the term 'fucking terrifying' is often used to describe her. She hasn't snapped in a while so many of the newer members don't understand the severity of the rumors." Levi picked the dust bunnies from the duster before going back to cleaning.

"Why's everyone so scared of her though?"

"She gets this look in her eye. Somehow she gets covered in titan blood. The steam added with that look in her eye's enough to scare just about anyone." Levi frowned thinking back to the last time he seen her like that. Slicing haphazardly at Annie's neck. That deranged grin. "Her mother named her well."

 **Short, relatively uninteresting chapters. Up coming ones are better, however, I do like this chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading!**


	57. Chapter 57

"Eren I want to talk to you." Mikasa stopped Eren in the hallway.

"What is it Mikasa?" he turned to her.

"I want you to stay away from Kira. I don't trust her." She narrowed her black eyes.

"Why would I do that?" he pulled away from his adopted sister. "I've known Kira longer than I've known you. I trust her and nothing you say can change that."

"So what, you don't trust me?" Mikasa glared heatedly.

"What? Of course I trust you. I just don't understand why you don't like Kira?"

"There's something seriously wrong with that woman, Eren. I just think you're getting too attached to her."

"Kira's like an older sister to me!" his voice rose.

"I'm you're sister and you should listen to me!" Mikasa fired back. Eren scoffed at her. "She's insane."

"Kira's been through more than the two of us combined. Of course she has problems. Who doesn't?"

"The hell she has." Mikasa ground out through clenched teeth.

"You don't know her like I do!" Eren was losing his temper. He couldn't figure out why Mikasa was acting like this.

"Then enlighten me." Mikasa's face darkened. Eren took a step back.

"I lost my mother. She lost her entire family!"

"So have I! We've all been hurt. What makes her special?"

"The fact that she's kill damn near as many titans as Captain Levi maybe more! The fact that after injury after injury she keeps pulling through! The fact that she the last family I have left besides you and Armin!" Eren held back tears thinking about his deceased mother. "Maybe she is insane. Why wouldn't she be? How can you lose everything and still be ok? You can't, but she hides it so well that sometimes I forget why everyone fears her."

"There's no reason to fear her. She just needs a good beating from someone of lower rank. That'd put her in her place." Mikasa sneered.

"Mikasa, you can't be serious! You don't know what she'd capable of!"

"And you do?"

"Well…Levi says she should be feared so that's a good enough reason for me." Mikasa just 'tsk'ed at the mention of Levi.

"Kira's all talk. I'll prove that to everyone." Mikasa crossed her arms her black hair swinging forward.

"No, Mikasa, Kira's not all talk. You don't become a legend from all talk. She's fucking Humanities Deadliest for a reason!" He attempted to talk some sense into her.

"I've seen her when she 'snapped' she went mad. Her attacks were sloppy. She wasn't thinking. Everyone's just so blinded by her number of titan kills that can't see that she's just crazy."

"What…when did you…?"

"When Levi and I saved you from Annie. Kira lost it and started slashing at Annie's neck. Screaming curses with this crazed grin on her face." Mikasa furrowed her brow at the memory.

"She was overcome with grief, Mikasa! Her whole squad was killed. I was there! I know what she seen. Even I went revenge crazy!" Eren slapped a hand on his chest motioning to himself.

"You need to stay away from her!"

"You are not my mother!" Eren yelled turning away. "You can't dictate who I'm friends with!" he called over his shoulder.


	58. Chapter 58

I wasn't sure how long I'd been here. In this dungeon. There were no windows so I couldn't see the sun and tell when days have passed. To be honest I was worried I was going crazy. Last night I swore I seen my mother standing by the wall calling my name.

"Kira Free I presume?" I snapped my head up to look at a well-dressed man I didn't recognize. I nodded. "Unlock this door." I said sternly to my guard. I fumbled off the bed. I wanted to ask questions, but decided I'd wait till later.

"Come with me." I walked closer and he took my bicep in a gentle grip. We went up several flights of stairs till I seen daylight and almost died of happiness. The man led me to a room with Jess in it. When I saw her I hugged her tight. Glad she was alright.

"Are you ok? Did they hurt you?" she asked quickly checking me over.

"No, no I'm fine." I turned to the tall man who had been patiently waiting. "Who are you? What's going on?"

"My name is David Gordy. I'm a lawyer and a friend of the Nite family. Miss Nite asked for my assistance after you were arrested."

"How did you get me out? How many days has it been? Is the Scouting Legion back yet?"

"Kira, calm down it hasn't been that long."

"Miss Free, you were in Military Police custody for two weeks. In that time I was going through the evidence they had against you. To say the least there was nothing sufficient and I was able to get the judge to release you. They had no evidence whatsoever that you were a titan other that being good friends with Eren Jaeger. The testament by Miss Nite gave about you being long time family friends with the Jaeger family was more than enough to sway the judge."

I hugged Jess. I couldn't ask for better friends. I felt tears run down my cheeks.

"There is no case against you Miss Free. Miss Nite, tell you mother I said hello." He tipped his hat to us leaving.

"Let's go home." Jess said talking my hand and gathering her things. The sun was horribly bright after two weeks in the dungeon and the snow wasn't helping.

When we got to the apartment Jess made me a sandwich with smoked deer meat. It tasted so good after the slop they feed me. I knew the MP's were desperate, but this was crazy. Erwin would not be happy to hear this with they got back.

"Thank you Jess." She turned and smiled at me.

"You think I was going to let those pieces of shit take you for no good reason? Hell no. Oh, by the way Michael well be coming by after his shift then I have to go to work."

"Alright. Thank you."


	59. Chapter 59

"No that can't be right." I told Jess.

"It's true. They'll be back within the hour. One of the Spotters seen them on the horizon."

"But it hasn't even been three months."

"I hate to think it, but they might have had heavy casualties." She was right. I didn't want to think that was the reason. I sighed.

"I guess we'll just have to wait till they get here." Jess and I grabbed our coats before heading out the door. There was already a group of people gathered exchanging suspicions on why the Scouts were returning early. I pushed to the front line when a guard called to open the gate. A good thing about being small I could squeeze through people. The soldiers walked in. I was relieved to see many faces. People started cheering realizing the reason they were back wasn't because of heavy loses.

"Levi." I jogged up to him walking his horse. "Why are you guy's back so early?" he looked a little surprised to see me.

"Idiots didn't pack enough supplies." He spat out angrily.

"That's all? Couldn't you just hunt for food? Tracking would have been really easy in the snow."

"It wasn't just food. It was cleaning oil for the maneuver gear and a few other things like that."

"Yeah, that's important. I'll see you later. I've got to get back home." I leaned over and kissed his cheek before speed walking away unable to believe I just did that.

When I got back to the apartment Jess was talking with Marian the woman I would be babysitting for. "Sorry. I went to go see the Scouts return." I apologized.

"No problem, dear." Daniella and Luke ran over and hugged my legs. Marian and Jess left. Jess had a shift starting soon so I'd be alone for the afternoon.

"Alright you two, who wants a story?"

I'd finally gotten the two tuckered out. Luke was the younger of the two being a year younger that Daniella. She was 3. Both of them were playing quietly on the floor with pencils and paper making masterful scribbles. I started on lunch. Just sandwiches. Daniella ran in with a paper clutched in her hand.

"Do you ike?"

"Yes I like it very much." I ruffled her blond ringlets. I picked her up when I heard a knock on the door. Resting her on my hip I opened it surprised to see Levi and Eren. "What are you guy's doing here so early?" I was expecting them to stop by at some point, but not so soon.

"I wanted to see you and the Military Police said that Levi now had to be with me at all times, so he came too." Eren explained looking at shy Daniella who hid her face in my neck. Luke wandered over and peeked behind my legs. I invited them in telling them I was making some lunch.

"It's good to see you guys." I commented shifting Daniella to my other hip. They sat down on the couch and I sat Daniella down by her brother she didn't want to let go though. "Don't worry they're nice I promise." She let go hesitantly.

I finished the sandwiches and called everyone in.

"Kira you're the best!" Eren inhaled his sandwich much like Luke while Daniella ate like I proper little girl despite her age. "So, why are these two here?"

"Well, Maka's been bragging to everyone that I'm amazing with kids and lately people have been asking me to watch their children so they can help their husbands. This little girl is Daniella and that mess over there is Luke." I introduced them. Eren grinned at them friendly.

"Kira, I was hoping to talk to you today, but I suppose we can wait till a better time."

"It's alright. We can talk now, Corporal."

"Copoal." Luke smiled big proud of himself.

"Corporal." I corrected him stressing the 'r's. He tried again, but failed. I took the plates from everyone and started washing them. Levi walked over to no doubt start talking about whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

"Copoal!" Luke yelled stretching his arms out and making gripping motions with his fingers.

"What the hell does he want?"

"Levi, language!" I smacked his arm. "He wants you to hold him." Levi looked confused.

"Coooopoal!" Luke whined. I was surprised Levi didn't scare him like he did Daniella. Levi reached down and picked him up holding his out at arm's length.

"Levi, that's not how you hold a kid." I smiled. He glared at me.

"I don't much like children." he muttered.

"Hold him closer. Wrap your arms under his bum to support him." He did as I told and Luke rested his head on his shoulder yawning. Eren watched with curious eyes Daniella sitting on his knee with another piece of paper in her grasp. "See it's easy and he likes you." I grinned at him. He wrinkled his nose.

"He smells."

"You like Free, what's so different?" I chuckled. I looked over at Daniella who had taken nicely to Eren.

"Children are a mess."

"That's not a very good answer. I'm sure you were just as much as a mess when you were two." The corners of his mouth turned down a little more. "Fine. Here, give him to me. He needs a nap anyway." I said a little annoyed. My hands pressed against Levi as I shifted Luke to my arms. I felt myself pause for a mere second and my breath hitch, something strange stirring in my chest. I pulled Luke into my arms as he yawned. "Thanks for making him tired." I tried a smiled, but it felt odd and forced so I let it fall.

I carried Luke with Daniella trotting behind me to the back bedroom. As I tucked them under the covers of Jess's bed I wanted to cry. I didn't want this. I didn't want to feel this way. I can't even remember when it happened. One minute he was just some random guy brought in by Erwin, another punishing me at the post, and the next someone I cared far too deeply for.

I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes trying to get a hold of myself.

"Kia?" Daniella looked up at me with wide eyes. "Kia, hut?"

"No, sweetie. I'm fine." I tried to smile again and this time it worked a little better. I finally realized someone was watching me as the door closed. I turned to look at Levi.

"We need to talk." He stated simply.

"We can talk later. They need to sleep. I promised their mother."

"They can still sleep. Won't you, brat?" Daniella only nodded with wide, frightened eyes as Luke was already fast asleep.

"Honestly, Levi, can't this wait a little longer?" I lowered my voice to almost a whisper.

"How are your bruises healing?" His eyes weren't so hooded and his brow was more relaxed and I wondered…if he was beginning to trust me in the way he had Farland and Isabel. I pulled my shirt up just enough that he could see most of the bruising. I'd taken the stiches out last week, so now all that was left was a yucky yellowish green color.

"Doctor says I'm good to go for the next expedition."

"Are you sure you're ready?" he'd also lowered his voice.

"Yeah, I am. I want to get back out there. This life doesn't suit me." I glanced around the room. Jess had a chest at the foot of the bed that held her clothes and a worn out teddy bear sat on top. A picture of Michael, me and her hung on the wall and thin lace curtains covered the window. Minx crawled out from under the bed and stretched himself taunt then hopped onto the windowsill.

"Is that because this" he gestured to the room "reminds you of your family? The way you used to live?" his face fell into a hard glare of which I couldn't escape. I wanted to tell him wrong, but I just couldn't and as much as I didn't want to open up to him the words just slipped off my lips like vinegar.

"I'd always felt trapped. They wanted me to be something I never was or could be. I wanted to make them happy and brake away at the same time and now I'm haunted by all the things I never did. I missed out on my sisters growing up, I left my mother while she was still in a compromised state and needed me most and I just—" I pressed my fist against my mouth biting my knuckles to keep a sob down but it just destroyed my insides.

"You might have been killed with them." He set his hand on my shoulder.

"I know," I pulled away "but maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with this pain I feel every day." Tears fell past my barricade. Dammit! "I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am." I bit my lip hard. I refused to brake down no matter how hard my shoulders shook. "I'm weak and broken and scared and I just want to go home and my mom be there in the kitchen fixing dinner with my sister and my dad working on some contraption on the living room and I just—I just want them back so bad." My knees felt weak. How the nightmares haunted me.

Levi pulled me into his arms and I just couldn't keep it in any longer. And it only made me angrier because I was in love with him and there was nothing I could do about it. I hated the way he made me feel safe. I hated the sharp line of his jaw. I hated his piercing grey eyes and, yet, here I was falling harder and harder with each sob.

Mom was right. It does take a mountain to stop and hurricane.


	60. Chapter 60

"How much do you want off, then?"

"I want it short." I told her. "So, a lot."

"And you're sure you don't want to wait till spring."

"Positive."

"Alright, it's your hair."

My brown locks fell around me and with each snip my head felt lighter and lighter. It felt nice. I felt new.

"Still think you're crazy for wantin' this short in the eve of winter, but" she examined the ends of a snipped off clump of hair. "you did need a haircut."

"I've been wanting to get it cut short for a while now."

 **Sorry about this chapter being a little late. Had some technical difficulties. I really like Kira with short hair. I think she looks some her age. Thanks for reading!**


	61. Chapter 61

"Are you ready, Kira?" Eren grinned at me from his horse. I nodded with a smiled. It felt great to be back on Dusk and wearing my gear.

"Anika, get the others ready." Her chin length blonde hair swished a little bit when she nodded. She turned away to gather the rest of my Support Squad. Hanji waved at me, running over.

"Stay away from titans, you understand? That's and order." She smiled like she was joking, but I knew what she had said carried some seriousness and I for one did not have any intention of repeating the past.

"I'll try." She nodded satisfied.

"So, have you figured it out yet?" she raised her eyebrows expectantly. Feeling my cheeks get red so I turned my head.

"Yeah."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know."

"Fair enough. I'll talk to you later." She waved goodbye flamboyantly. I chuckled at her.

"Captain." I turned to look down at Anika and everyone else. I dismounted Dusk. "I've gathered everyone."

"Good, thank you. Alright, everyone know their jobs?" they nodded, determination in their eyes. I guess they all felt really bad when I nearly got eaten and had no intention of letting it happen again, at least, that's want Eren told me. I wasn't sure how reliable of a source he was.

"Opening the gate in one minute!" Erwin shouted from the front. Taking a deep breath we moved to towards the gate. We went out first. I handed my horse off to Christa who smiled brightly. She as far too adorable to be a soldier.

"Be careful out there, Kira, all of you." He looked hard at me and my group. I stood at salute and they followed.

"We give out lived to these soldiers no matter the fate." He only smiled before lifting his head.

"Open the gate. Prepare for the 60th expedition!"

We ran through the still opening gate, immediately killing any titans in sight. Digging my bladed into their flesh, the hot steam and blood coating me for a split second. How I loved the feeling of the gear jerking me through the air. The wind was bitter, numbing my skin, but I only felt more alive. I killed another titan, digging my blades in as I flew by.

We entered open territory. Christa slowed down just enough for me to jump on Dusk. I road back to Levi and my new squad members.

Mary Anne Garth—age 21. 15 single kills and 30 assisted.

Darrel Man—age 25. 20 single kills and 15 assisted.

Bobby Carol—age 19. 14 single kills and 35 assisted.

And Joseph Moore—age 23. 25 single kill and 39 assisted.

Levi choose a good group. I turned my face forward pulling my heavy woolen scarf up as protection from the bitter, cold wind. I found myself singing the lullaby my mother sang to me and my sisters in a language we couldn't understand, but grandmother sang it to her and her mother before and so on down the line.

The sun was bright and the melting snow slushy, but we rode fast and soon the building came into view. I took mine and Levi's horse to the stables.

"Kira, I want to talk to you."

"I'm a little busy right now, Mikasa. Maybe later?" I continued to walk the horses.

"No. Now." It was the tone of her voice that made me stop and turn around. Eren and Armin were running towards us with worried looks.

"Alright, what is it then?"

"I want you to stay away from Eren." She hissed. Eren and Armin finally reached us huffing and puffing.

"Mikasa, don't do this." I called a cadet over, I think his name's Connie, and told him to take the horses to the stables and feed them.

"Mikasa," she turned to me with a deathly glare. "I'm not going to stay away from Eren unless he tells me he no longer wants to see me." I glared back just as deadly.

"Then I'll make you stay away." She growled out before launching herself at me. I easily dodged the attack.

"I won't fight you, Mikasa."

"Mikasa, no!" Eren tried to grab her, but she shoved him away.

"I don't know what this is about, Mikasa, but I could really care less. Get back to your duties." I about faced to walk way. I stumbled forward when a fist collided with the back of my head. I blinked a few times, completely and utterly shocked. I was freaking tired of this disrespect towards me. I turned back around to face her. Her black hair hung forward and a feral look dawned her eyes. I noticed a group began to gather. In no way did I want anything to do with Mikasa's jealously, but it was beginning to look like I had no other choice.

I dodged her attacks, watching the way she moved and shifted her weight. When she pulled her missed punch back and shifted her weight to throw the other arm I brought up my right leg and nailed her in the ribs. It wasn't hard enough to break any, but its sure leave a bruise. She stumbled back a few feet clutching her side.

"Let it go, Mikasa. Walk away." I gave her another chance, but she was proud and wouldn't take the chance I gave her.

"Mikasa listen to her!" Eren tried to grab her arm again, but one look and he backed away.

Mikasa was a very good fighter, but I had more experience and a lot more anger. I could tell she was beginning to get tired, so I decided to end this silly nonsense. Ramming my fist into her jaw I took that moment she was dazed to finish it. I brought my knee up into her torso knocking the air from her lungs and then flipped her over my shoulder. She sputtered on the ground struggling to breathe blood running from her lip.

I shook my head solemnly before walking away from the crowed. I found Hanji wandering around. She smiled when she seen me.

"Kira, when did you cut your hair?" Hanji smiled at me rubbing her fingers through my new short brunette locks. "I like it."

"Thanks. I got it cut a few days before the expedition." I gently pushed her hand away.

"Do you want to go for a walk? I saw some titan tracks in the snow and I want to check them out."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Aww, come on, you and me can handle any measly titan."

"Alright." I sighed.

"Yahoo!" she grabbed my hand and started pulling me in the direction she had seen the tracks.

* * *

It was dark out now, Hanji and I had come in at dusk, now we were sitting in the mess hall with the rest of the corp. Hanji went and sat with her squad while I sat with my own. When I reached the rough grain table they were all laughing, well except for Levi of course.

"Do you ever have any fun?" I jokingly asked him. He set his tea cup down.

"You're one to talk, Kira. Heard you had an interesting afternoon though." The table got quiet.

"I heard you beat her real good, Miss Free."

"Honestly Mary, how many times do I have to tell you call me Kira?" she smiled sheepishly. "That goes for all of you, alright?" they nodded. "Now as for Mikasa, I gave her the chance to walk away, but she wanted a fight. She challenged me, I answered, simple as that." I sipped my hot coffee and nearly scorched my poor tongue.

They were a funny bunch. I enjoyed their company. They were always laughing about something, mostly Bobby's odd sense of humor. And I think they rather enjoyed my futile attempts to argue with Levi about horse duty which he had promised to change to something else, but hadn't done. It'd usually end with him saying something along the lines of "Stop trying to get yourself killed and I might change my mind." I don't think I'll ever get off horse duty.


	62. Chapter 62

It was dark out now, Hanji and I had come in at dusk, now we were sitting in the mess hall with the rest of the corp. Hanji went and sat with her squad while I sat with my own. When I reached the rough grain table they were all laughing, well except for Levi of course.

"Do you ever have any fun?" I jokingly asked him. He set his tea cup down.

"You're one to talk, Kira. Heard you had an interesting afternoon though." The table got quiet.

"I heard you beat her real good, Miss Free."

"Honestly Mary, how many times do I have to tell you call me Kira?" she smiled sheepishly. "That goes for all of you, alright?" they nodded. "Now as for Mikasa, I gave her the chance to walk away, but she wanted a fight. She challenged me, I answered, simple as that." I sipped my hot coffee and nearly scorched my poor tongue.

They were a funny bunch. I enjoyed their company. They were always laughing about something, mostly Bobby's odd sense of humor. And I think they rather enjoyed my futile attempts to argue with Levi about horse duty which he had promised to change to something else, but hadn't done. It'd usually end with him saying something along the lines of "Stop trying to get yourself killed and I might change my mind." I don't think I'll ever get off horse duty.


	63. Chapter 63

Erwin and Hanji watched the two most stubborn soldiers start bickering…again. Hanji groaned loudly as Kira slammed her fist on the table going on about something related to horses she was sure.

"How much longer do you think they'll keep doing this?" she asked Erwin.

"Hard to say, but I think Levi likes arguing with her."

"Of course he does!" she scoffed at her commander. "Kira's the only one who can put up with him." She giggled.

"I suppose that's true." He smiled sipping his wine.

"Our bet's still on then?" she grinned nudging Erwin in the side. He narrowed his eyes at the two bickering across the mess hall.

"Definitely."


	64. Chapter 64

I muttered angrily as I tossed heavy bales of hay into the stalls. My breath rose, fogging up in front of me with each huff fogging and then dissipating. One of these days I'd kill Levi for all this horse duty. An icy breeze ruffled my short hair and numbed my skin almost immediately. I set the clump of hay down to go shut the stable door. I peeked outside as I did. It was snowing heavily. There wouldn't be a sunrise today.

I doubted Erwin would want to run an excursion today with this weather. I sighed as I threw the last bale of hay over the stall door and stretched my red, numb fingers.

"Kira."

"Holy crap, Levi! What the hell?" I screeched in terror. He only raised an eyebrow. "Come to torment me?" I asked composing myself.

"You were being rather loud with your complaining." He muttered patting the nose of a curious horse. I scoffed.

"Now you're just making things up." I jabbed my finger at him.

"How's Free doing? I haven't see him in a while." I relaxed my stance and crossed my arms over my chest.

"He's doing fine. Nice and healthy. Maka's great too." My answer came curt and maybe a little too fast. "Why are you really here Levi? Is this about Mikasa?" I asked after several moments of silence.

"Course not." He 'tsk'ed pinching the bridge of his nose. "Why did you cut your hair?"

I frowned. This was strange. He was acting strange.

"I felt like it." I shrugged. "Why, you don't like it?"

"It will just take some getting used to." He sighed. I leaned against a stall door. Dusk nuzzled my cheek as I patted her long snout.

"Erwin's pleased with your progress. You can return to your original post."

I stopped mid stroke my breath following suit. I looked Levi in the eyes utterly confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you stupid brat, that you can return to being a scout."

"So, this is what you've been wanting to talk to me about?" I was still in shock. "Erwin trusts me again?" Levi just rolled his eyes.

"He never didn't trust you, Kira. You were an unruly soldier who need to be formed back into to shape and I have successfully done so to Erwin instruction. You can return to your original position." He sound slightly annoyed which was again unlike him.

"Do you want me to go?"

"What the hell kinda question is that, brat?" he took a step back. I smirked returning to stroking Dusks nose.

"Simply a question, Corporal. Do you want me to go?"

"That's not of my decision Kira." He growled out eyebrows scrunching to form a thin crease in his pale skin.

"Do I have a choice?" he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "Say I don't want to return to being a scout. Say I want to stay. Stay with you." I realized I might have just slipped up so I added quickly "And the squad and all." I turned my head in hopes to hide my faint blush. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Dammit!

"What exactly are you trying to say Kira?"

"I'm saying that with yours and Erwin's permission I would like to stay with Squad Levi." I repositioned myself into a salute. "Sir."

"You two are sure us early!" Hanji shouted while pushing open stable door. Her brown hair was nearly white with snow and her fogged up. "Aren't you two cold? Come on I made tea for Kira, but there should be enough for you too, Levi." She smiled.

I wrapped my fingers around the hot cup and sighed deeply revealed as my fingers began to move again. The tea was good too, of course. I was, however, upset that I did get to hear Levi's answer. Hanji just had to have impeccable timing. A prickle of worry settled in my stomach.

 **Only a few more (like 1-2) chapters left till it's over. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!**


	65. Chapter 65

"You're sure you want to do this, Kira?" Erwin raised his notorious eyebrows as he leaned forward on desk with fingers laced.

"Yes, sir." I let out a shaky breath.

"Very well, you may stay with Squad Levi if Levi is alright with it."

"I haven't had the chance to get his answer." He frowned in front of me.

"You've already asked?"

"Yes, but Hanji has horrible timing."

"I see." He smiled. "Talk to Levi then report back to me." I stood from my seat and saluted before leaving his office.

I pressed my finger to my lip think on how I was going to talk to Levi. I couldn't figure out anything good so I decided to wing it. Or as Jessica would say "When in doubt, fly it out."

I turned the corner only to come nose to nose with Levi and let out a screech of sudden terror.

"Do you always have to be so loud?" he sighed rolling his eyes.

"Well if you would stop sneaking up on me I wouldn't." I grumbled taking a step back. I took a deep breath before I began "Levi, with your permission I would like to stay with Squad Levi." He stood there emotionless, just staring at me with those steel grey eyes.

"Why?" he finally spoke after several nerve racking minutes, however, I couldn't formulate any sort of response to his question. "It's really a simple question, Kira. Why do you want to stay?" the corner of his mouth pulled into a smirk mocking me.

"Well…I—um…"

"Out with it already brat." He 'tsk'ed.

"I just really enjoy working as a team and—" he cut me off. His hands resting on my hips occasionally fumbling up and down my sides. I could still feel his lips against mine when he pulled away, both of us breathless.

"Stupid brat, don't you dare try to lie to me."

"Who say's I was lying?" I had meant to sound confident, but it came out shaky and squeakish. He pressed his lips to mine in a kiss more heated than the last no doubt cutting off whatever foolish thing I was about to say next.

"Well it was only half the truth, Kira." His voice low and husky sending a shiver down my spine. I hadn't even know at what point he'd pushed me against the wall or when I'd wrapped my arms around his neck, but here we were.

"Well, can I?" he looked confused for a moment.

"What the hell, Kira?"

"Well, you never answered…again!"

"I swear, Kira—yes you can stay." He smirked. "You stupid girl." He tipped my chin up for another kiss and I swear I heard footsteps.


	66. Chapter 66

The moment we walked into the mess hall we were bombarded with an oppressing amount of arguments and exchange of money.

"Hey, what the hell's going on here?" Levi yelled causing everyone to immediately freeze and look at us doe eyed, then a split second later their antics began again with more gusto.

"Alright, some better explain what you're all doing or I'm making all of you run laps!" I yelled getting frustrated.

"But it cold and snowing!" someone yelled.

"Then you better start talkin'!" I felt my eye twitch. Erwin walked in gloomy followed by an overly excited Hanji.

"Yes! I wiiinnnn! Yahoo!" she cheered giving herself a few fist pumps in the process. Erwin sighed heavily and defeated as he reached into coat pocket pulling out a fist full of money and thrusting it over to Hanji who took it excitedly. She hopped over hugging both Levi and I. "You guys are the best!"

"What the hell! Were you guys betting on us?" I was losing my temper.

"Yeah." Jean scoffed. "Took you guy's long enough. We've been placing bets for over three months now." He glared at me.

"Damn you all—" I only got a sigh from Levi as warning before he gripped my chin, spinning my face around to another kiss this time slipping the tongue.

"I have always liked seeing you blush." He smirked still holding my chin while a riot took place next to us.

"You enjoy tormenting me don't you?" I wrapped my arms around his neck watching him carefully.

"I do find it amusing." We ducked just as a bowl flew at our head barely missing it.

"This is all your fault." I pocked his chest.

"My fault?" we both looked at our obnoxious, warring regiment beside us. Several tables were now flipped over. "How?"

"Well it's not like I wanted this. It just sorta—"

"Happened?"

"Yeah."

"I know the feeling."

 **I freaking crying and laughing at the same time! Like what the hell! If you're a writer then you know that there comes a point when your character becomes real and you are no longer writing them they are writing themselves, and I reached that point long ago with Kira and my other OC's and I just love them so much.**

 **I actually ended this completely different and it SUCKED, so I rewrote it and this is so much more like them. Let me tell ya, trying to pair characters like Levi and Kira together is no easy task which is why this story ended up being the 160 or whatever pages it is because they were so flipping stubborn! I was getting frustrated with them I can only imagine what you readers were going through.**

 **I just want to thank everyone whose read this story beginning to end, followed as I wrote, or are just reading it far after I've posted this last chapter. Thank you so much guys! You are truly the MVP's.**

 **And tell me what you thought of the ending. I'm curious.**


	67. Chapter 70

I'm thinking about writing a sequel. Would you guys read it? I don't know when I would start posting since I'm working on a few other Fics at the moment, but if nobody will read it I won't worry about it. Please tell me. :)


	68. Chapter 71

**I posted some shorts on Quotev but never got around to posting them on here. My apologies. Enjoy.**

Jean wasn't sure what compelled him to get up so God damn early, but here he was, lacing up his boots and walking outside. The sun was starting to rise in the east, barely peeking over the horizon, and the stars were still faintly visible in the west. He sighed heavily, his breath fogging up in front of his face before dissipating seconds later. He was content with standing there in the early morning silence until racket from the stables caught his attention.

He smirked, amused knowing full well there was only one other person crazy enough to be up this early in the morning. The snow crunched under each of his steps and added as a nice distraction from the eerie silence. No birds or anything. He gently opened the barn door, trying to be quiet, remembering their last encounter this early in the morning.

"Kira?" he called quietly, wondering why his voice sounded so out of place in the silence. He carefully looked around the barn wondering if Kira was even here and realized it could have been a horse banging against the stable wall. Feeling stupid he went to shut the door when he heard shuffling of some kind coming from the back. "Hello?" he called again and again received no answer.

Annoyed, he quickly walked to the back of the large barn and nearly ran into Kira who had her arms full of hay. "Oh, Jean, I thought I heard someone. What are you doing up so early?" he mentally pouted. Secretly he had hoped she was exhausted and out of it like last time.

"I don't know. Just woke up." he shrugged, looking around the hay room distractedly.

"Did you need to talk about something?" she asked as she walked past him and to a stall three doors down.

"No." to be honest he didn't know why he was here. "It's too quiet out there." he finally added after several silent moments.

"I know." the worried tone in her voice caught his attention.

"You think something's wrong?" he knew Kira well enough to know he should trust her instincts. Hell, the fact she could handle Levi was enough for him. Still, he didn't like the idea of her being worried about something. Now thinking about the odd silence of the animal world reminded him if when thay had caught Annie, after those screams of hers everything was silent, and then all hell broke loose.

"I don't know," she sighed like she was irritated, "could be nothing." he crossed his arms not fully convinced. He wasn't as smart as say Armin, but he knew animals had keener senses that human. Kira smiled reassuringly when she noticed his worried frown. "I'd be more worried if the horses were throwing a fit." he glanced around noting that the horses were either sleeping or gently tossing their manes.

"Right." he nodded feeling a little more at ease. He was about to say something else when they heard the barn door open again.

"There you are. Figures you'd be here." it was Levi much to Jean's surprise. He thought it would be Eren or maybe Mikasa looking for another fight. He smirked at the memory. Even though he liked Mikasa, he knew she was crazy for trying to take on Kira. "What are you smiling at, Horse Face." Jean frowned and wanted to make a smart comeback, but knew it'd probably be the end of him.

"Nothing, Sir, just leaving to find my squad, Sir." he nodded to Kira and saluted before heading to the entry.

"Damn right you are." Levi gave him his usual menacing glare that he was strangely becoming immune to. Jean saluted again before leaving the barn. Levi then turned to Kira who was brushing the hay from her uniform. "What are you doing?" he'd allowed her off horse duty weeks ago, but he knew she was still coming out here every morning and letting who he had re-assigned sleep in.

"It gives me some time alone and I like the horses." she patted the nose of Dusk. He gripped her chin and turned her face towards his. It was the only way to every know what the crazy girl was thinking. Her eyes told everything. He sighed and released her when he seen no signs of deception.

"Whatever." he grumbled. It frustrated him to no end not being able to figure her out completely. He felt like he knew her and also didn't at the same time, not to mention the tension between the two of them lately.

Kira fumbled with the lock on the stall gate, cursing herself for being so dimwitted. "What did you need?" she took a deep breath to collect her emotions. Swinging the gate open with a loud screech, she led Dusk out.

"Eren misses you." that brat hadn't shut up about seeing her for the last week. Kira had been busy with her squad training. No one wanted another accident and he also knew how serious Kira took the lives of her comrades. "I want you to come with me fetch Eren and then take a brake for the day with us." Kira looked at Levi surprised having not expected that. "You've trained hard enough. Everyone deserves a day of rest."

"Of course, Sir." she smiled and mounted Dusk while Levi mounted his own horse. The sun was now just over the horizon and the Corp was beginning to rises for breakfast.

"Why is that brat so attached to you, Kira?" Levi asked after several minutes of silent riding. Kira tilled her head thinking over the memories she had of Eren.

"When I was younger I used to babysit him. My mom always told me that I was like Carla in many ways, so, I don't know. I guess he sees me as a sister or mother figure." she shrugged, not sure what else to say about the matter. Levi hummed in thought as they reached the main building and started their descent to the dungeon.

He was still sleeping when they reached his cell. "Eren." Kira called softly while opening the gate a loud screech. She didn't feel like all this was necessary, but orders were orders. He stirred and his brow scrunched.

"Kira?" Eren sat up and rubbed his eyes, still only half awake. "Kira!" he latched his arms around her shoulders and buried his face in the crook of her neck. "I thought Levi was never going to let me see you." Kira sighed and gently brushed Eren's hair with her fingers.

"Like I would let that happen. You know how well I disobey orders." Levi snorted and she sent him a glare. "Come on, time for breakfast." Kira pulled Eren up and they waited for Eren to dress before heading to the mess hall.


	69. Chapter 72

Kira opened the door of hers and Hanji's room as quietly as she could and then tip-toed down the hallway. The only source of light was the occasional window and candles that sparsely lined the hall, but she knew her way well and years of tracking made she footsteps nearly inaudible.

Her breath shook at random moments as she tried to swallow the remaining images of her nightmare. Her bloodied family. . .titans. . .it was always the same. She was always too late. She screwed her eyes shut and forced herself to take deep breaths. She released a tired sigh when the screaming stopped and started her journey once again.

She reached the door she was looking for, across the level from her own room, but to be honest lately she had been sleeping here more. She turned the handle and pushed the door open and inch. The pale light of the candle nearby flooded in softly and then she pushed the door open just enough to squeeze through and shut again submerging the room once again in darkness.

She'd lost count of how many time she'd snuck in here or even when she started. She shivered remembering the time she'd awoken for a nightmare drenched in sweat, throat sore from screaming bloody murder, and the whole Corp woken up thinking they were under attack. She lost her voice for that day and refused to speak to anyone for another two.

Quickly, Kira crossed the floor and climbed onto the bed, sliding under the warm furs, and resting her head on Levi's shoulder. Gently he wrapped his arm around her. It was a normal occurrence now. He expected her to come in the middle of the night, every night. When she didn't, he got unnerved and had to at least check to make sure she was in her room and not off doing something stupid.

He felt Kira stiffen and whimper as the last ruminants of her nightmare pasted through her mind. He tightened his grip on her and pulled her closer. It was best to hold her tight when these things happened. It reminded her that it wasn't real, that she was safe. They eventually passed and she slept soundly afterward. Then she'd wake up an hour before sunrise and sneak out to tend to the horses.

Sometimes, Kira would come here even if she didn't have a nightmare just because she slept better and she worried because they would be heading home soon. She'd be staying with Jess and Levi would be staying at the Corp's head quarts like always. She didn't want to admit she was growing dependent on Levi. It just. . .wasn't a good time. They had both agreed on that.

Kira sighed and snuggled closer to Levi, pushing the thoughts away for another hour. Somehow they both managed to sleep in far passed sunrises which was incredibly rare for both of them. They were woken up an hour after breakfast had finished and by Eren.

"Uh, Corporal?" he'd gently pushed open the door extremely confused as to why Levi wasn't up yet and now that he thought about it he hadn't seen Kira anywhere either. "Corporal?" he called a little more urgently. Levi groaned tiredly sitting up before he realized who was calling.

"Who let you out of your cell?" Eren jumped back as Levi eyed him lividly.

"Ha-Hanji did, Sir, when you didn't come for me." it was then that Eren noticed the second body sound asleep in the Corporals bed. "I-It's after breakfast, Sir." eyes still locked on the second body. Levi stood quickly, unable to believe what the brat was saying. There's no way in hell he slept in so late, but when he ripped the curtains open he had to shield his eyes for the late morning sun that poured in.

"Fuck." he cursed taking several steps back. Kira was pulled from her slumber by all the commotion. Eren stood in the door way, wide eyed as he watched Kira sit up and yawn.

"Y-You sleep together?" Kira snapped her head around having not realized Eren was there her face quickly flaring up while Levi glared heatedly at him. A sly grin slithered onto Eren's face, "I knew it!" at that point Kira joined in on the glare.

"I swear, Eren, you start another riot you're dead." Eren laughed nervously before leaving.


	70. Chapter 73

Kira sat crouched in a tree and listened. It was dark and the only sense of time was the faint line of blue on the east horizon. Suddenly the ground began to tremble and a sadistic gin curled its way onto her face.

"There you are, bastard." she jumped from her branch and hit the ground with a thud, catching the attention of the titan. Short and fat with beady eyes, he reminded her vaguely of a frog. "Aw, you brought a friend." she smirked as a skinnier one stepped out from behind the fat one.

She stood still and watched them. Her hands itched to grab her swords, but she held them, watching at the fat one pulled his arm back and readied to strike. Kira liked to do this: play with death. Sometimes she jumped out of the way quick enough. Sometimes she let them grab her. Depended on her mood really. But tonight, she felt extra testy with fate.

"Kira!" the scream jerked her awake, causing her to jump, barely avoiding the titans grasp as it nicked her foot and threw her off balance. Kira rolled and stood, seething with anger as she pulled her blades out. She quickly glanced around, but seen nobody and she wondered if voice was fake. Not sure what to think she shook her head and focused of the two titans.

The fat one lunged at her and Kira easily rolled out of the way. The voice Kira had heard watched the spectacle from behind a large tree. "Oh my God." the girl shook and covered her mouth as Kira dodged another attack from the skinny one and sliced off its arm and the titan reeled back in pain. Tears invaded her eyes as Kira stood in the pale moon light blood steaming off her; some of it hers most of it the Titans. She eyed the fat titan for a few seconds before slicing its nape and adding in a bit of over kill for good measure.

Kira shoved her blades back into her gear and started walking deep into the forest. "K-Kira, wait!" the girl yelled, shivering as Kira stopped and slowly turned to look at her. She was still steaming and looked inhuman in the dark. "W-What are you d-doing out here?" she was trying to keep her voice steady.

"I should be asking you that, girl." she sneered, crossing her arms.

"Kate. M-My name's Kate." Kate felt hurt that Kira didn't remember her since they had trained in the same Trainee Corp.

"I don't care. Get back to base before you get yourself killed." Kira waved her off before she started walking again.

"Y-you were the o-one about to let herself die! I-If I hadn't gotten your attention y-you'd be dead!" yes, Kira scared her and most of the Survey Corp, some wanted her dead just because of the trouble she caused, but everyone knew she was an amazing fighter and loosing her would be a great loss for humanity. Kira had stopped walking, but didn't turn to face Kate this time.

"It'll take more that one titan to kill me." Kate shivered at the menace in Kira's voice.

"Y-you're selfish. You only f-fight for yourself! Don't you care a-about humanity!" tears spilled over Kate's eye and began to question if Kira was really human. She'd watched her fight several titans at the same time and walk away fine. Most were lucky to walk away from one herself included. When they were kids, Kate had looked up to Kira, admired her, her whole class did, but she changed after the titans broke threw the wall. Now they all feared her. Hell, just last week she'd beat a soldier within an inch of his life, of course he'd started it, but still.

"Get back to base. I'm not protecting your ass." she then disappeared into the over growth of tree's leaving Kate alone.  
 **So this takes place a few months before the start of the story. Thanks for reading.**


	71. For Humanity

**Hello all! Welcome to the sequel to Private. For Humanity has been a long time coming. Some of you may have ready the chapters that I posted originally and you will know that some chapters didn't get posted and it was a mess do i've deleted them and am reposting them in their correct order. To my new reader and old: enjoy :)**

We all have those moments we regret. Something that haunts us and changes our person completely. I didn't get to my family in time. That was my first regret. Now I had another. Sometimes I just need to be away from everyone and reconnect with nature, so I go for walks in the woods when I can. Nothing has ever happened on my little adventures, until sometime yesterday.

One moment I'm walking and enjoying the fresh air then bam! something hits me in the back of my head and black it all goes. Then I wake up, sat against a tree (but I know I didn't fall against a damn tree) and feeling strange all together.

I basically ran back to camp and found everyone in a fuss about my random disappearance and I couldn't even tell them I got "lost" like last time because I didn't even know what happened either.

I tried to forget about it. We were heading back to the wall and I couldn't be distracted.

But things just weren't going my way whatsoever. It was always nerve racking leading my team back through the wall because the whole Corp is depending on me and my team to keep titans at bay. But sometimes things go horribly, horribly wrong.

I care too much. That's my problem. Even when I was trying to act like I didn't care about anyone, I still did. That's why I couldn't just let Annabell get eaten by a titan she hadn't seen in time. But that wasn't the problem either. I took care of that titan easily by throwing my body into the side of its face and Rick cut the nape. Nice and clean.

No. The problem was that the wall guards decided to shoot the titans closest to the wall to help us out, which was all well and fine, but THEY HAVE HORRIBLE AIM! That was the problem. Their freakin' aim. One second I'm zipping through the abandoned buildings looking for our next target and then. . .I looked up. It feels like forever as I watch the black cannon ball fly towards me. I realized in that moment that I was about to die and for once, in a very long time,. . .I didn't want too.

Then I woke up.

In a hospital room. Alone. And extremely confused. I was alive. But then there was the cannon ball. To say the least I was disoriented. I would have rather stayed that way than found out how I survived.

"Levi, how am I alive?" I asked as soon as he enter my room with my heart racing. I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Ignorance is bliss, right?

"After half your face was blown off and we all presumed you dead another titan appeared." I saw the hurt flash through his steel colored eyes. I wondered if he saw it happen. I wondered what he felt as my body was thrown back with the balls force. I imagined our rolls reversed and it hurt to even think about it. Levi was good at hiding his emotions but sometimes he got a little loose around me. Like right now. His eyebrows drawn tightly together in worry, his eyes narrow, and a slight shake to his fingers.

I felt my breath shake.

"That titan when on a rampage killing other titans, much like Eren before he could control his titan. Erwin ordered the extraction of the person inside if there was one." His voice cold as ice. I touched the nape of my neck. He sent a glance at me and I realized I was no longer breathing at all and painfully sucked in a breath. "You were inside." A slight shake to his voice.

"That's not possible!" I cried. There was no way in Hell. It didn't make any sense.

"I saw it with my own eyes, Kira, you were in that titan. But you're right, it doesn't make any sense." We were silent for a long time. The air thick and constricting.

"Did I kill anyone?" it came out as barely a whisper and my stomach twisted up into my throat, but somehow he still heard me.

"No." yet, it didn't settle my nerves at all.

"The forest."

"What?"

"This morning in the forest something happened—or last night. I can't remember, but something happened. It's the only explanation." No. None of this made any sense. I wasn't I titan. That was impossible. People don't just randomly turn into titans and I refused to believe in the impossible. There's a reason some things can't be done.

But even as I thought this, I knew there was no other explanation for how I survived. Even if I has somehow managed to react and firer my gear, the cannonball would still have hit me head on literally.

"You said you didn't remember anything."

"I don't, but I know something happened to me. Someone hit me in the back of the head and then set me up against a tree. I just don't know what happened in between." I desperately tried to think of what happened, but it was blank. "Eren doesn't remember how he got his titan powers either." I felt my face cloud over at this possible revelation that I still didn't want to believe it. "Why me! Why me of all people? It doesn't make any sense." I felt a few tears slip down my face and quickly wiped them way. There was no time for hysteria, I had a mystery to solve.


	72. For Humanity Ch 2

It was not secret. At least among the military Corps and they were all sworn into secrecy. That didn't stop rumors to spread through the general population, though. Stories of another titan shifter were being whispered everywhere.

I was used to people fearing me, but this was a different kind of fear. I'd never been scared of myself till then. When I entered the main square and all movement and conversation stop; I realized I was still Kira the Killer and any hope of losing that title vanished a long time ago. No one knew who the titan shifter actually was. Somehow Erwin managed to swing the story that I was the one who captured the person inside.

But that only seemed to infuse more fear into people. And I'm pretty sure the Military Police just wanted me dead.

I guess that's why I had my blades drawn in a last ditch effort to protect myself. But there was only so much my blades could do against their muskets.

"Surrender of die, filth!" I gritted my teeth and stood my ground. The last thing I wanted to do was give them reason to see me as a monster more than they already did. In all truth, though, I was scared.

"Make me." I hissed. The Military guard shook in his shiny boots. It gave me some courage to know they were scared, too. Some. With shaky hands he adjusted his gun.

A large crowd was gathered around us cheering for him to kill me and if there were any rooting for my life they weren't heard.

In a last ditch effort to preserve what was left of my good image I fired my gear and disappeared around a building the gunshot echoing around me, but I wasn't hit. I dropped to the ground softly and ran the rest of the way back to HQ. I'd rather be a coward than dead.

It became clear to everyone after I told them what happened, that the Survey Corp was in grave danger. Its popularity had dropped considerably since Wall Marina fell and then again when Eren's condition was released to the public.

There wouldn't be a case held for me.

The sound of horses hooves were growing louder by the moment and an intense feeling to protect caused me to turn on my heel and no doubt go fight them if Levi hadn't grabbed my shoulder with a forceful grip and stern look.

We waited for Erwin's orders. I was still a soldier. Heart and soul.

"Levi, take Kira and Eren and a small team. Go wait for further orders here." He pointed to a low point near a river, a valley of sorts. A place of higher elevation would be more ideal, but if the military police got past Erwin they would first look for us where we could defend ourselves easiest and logically that would be atop a hill.

There was, of course, Armin and Mikasa, most of their trainee group, Hanji and her squad. We fled into the woods to the north while Erwin led the rest west. It would buy us time till we could regroup later. When that would be, none of us knew. Everything hung in the air nearly suffocating us with the uncertainty.

I drove my heel into Dusk's side urging her to go faster. But no matter how hard I pushed her, it was never fast enough. We were always late. It's hard to understand that somethings just simply aren't meant to be.


	73. For Humanity Ch 3

I felt numb as I unpacked my few belongings into the abandoned building we'd found near the point Erwin had sent us to. It was cozy enough once we got a fire going. I was helping Mikasa gather fire wood when we heard thunder in the distance. I inhaled deeply and smelled the taint of coming rain in the air.

"We should hurry." I picked up a few more sticks for kindling.

"Have you been a titan long?" Mikasa glanced at me almost accusingly.

"Honestly? I'm not sure. It doesn't make any sense." She nodded which relieved me some. I spaced out, starring through the tree and foliage. It didn't make any sense. Nothing did right now and I had the overwhelming feeling things were just going to be heading downward from here on.

"Kira, can I ask you a favor?" I snapped back and looked into Mikasa's static gaze.

"Of course." I cocked my head to the side wondering what on Earth had Mikasa asking _me_ for something.

"We need the old Kira back." A chill ran down my spine. I opened my mouth to retort but she cut me off. "I know it may not be easy for you, but we need her. For humanity." She looked away then towards something I didn't recognize.

The old Kira. Kira and Killer. That redundant name I'd been trying to scrub from my image. Me and her. We're so different. If I could become her, I could go back to her? I ground my teeth at the thought. She wanted out, especially now. I could taste blood on my tongue. I could feel titan blood on my skin. I could feel my blades slicing through skin. It was tempting.

"To be honest. I don't think there's any humanity left to fight for. Everyone hates me. Fears me. It's all the same. Why should I fight for people who want me dead?" she didn't answer right away, instead the clouds opened and light poured in through the trees. She breathed in deeply through her nose and then turned to me.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we should just let the Titans wipe everything out, but then there wouldn't be anything at all. If you can't fight for those living mundane lives inside the walls then fight for us. Fight for Jessica and Michael. There's still some humanity left in humanity." I let my head drop absorbing the weight of her statement. My fist clenched and I ground my teeth harder, seething through my nose. As much as I wanted to deny, tell her she had no idea what she was talking about, I knew. I knew she was right. We need Kira the Killer back, I knew that, but I wasn't sure I was strong enough to become her.


	74. For Humanity ch 4

We headed back with our armfuls. Jean and Connie dragged in a tree that I set to chopping up. It was nice to get the tension out of my muscles especially with my new dilemma. I'd chopped wood for ages, since I was old enough to swing an axe. At first I'd just chop the limbs off when I was younger. I did that for years. My father was a well-built man having worked with heavy machinery all his life, every day all day, he could handle a single tree just fine, but he enjoyed the help. I took on the responsibility fully when he had to start working nearly all the time after my second sister was born. Money issues and all.

My grandfather had offered help, but my dad was a proud man. That or he was stubborn. I think the traits mingle quite a bit, usually not for the better.

I hit the wood at a bad angle and stinging pain vibrated up my arms. I cursed and dropped the axe and curse. As I caught my breath I realized was crying and got angry all over again.

"About time you stopped that shit." I jumped at the sound of Levi's voice. He was leaned against the wall picking lazily at his nails. "I've been trying to get your attention for ten minutes." He finally looked up at me.

I figured he was probably exaggerating until I realized it was nearly dusk. It didn't seem quite so exaggerated then. I sighed heavily.

"Did you need something?" I picked up the axe and approached Levi. He glanced down at my hands pointedly. I lifted them and starred wide eyed at the popped and bloody blisters steaming and disappearing all together.

A part of me had still hoped that I wasn't a titan. That I wasn't a monster. There was no denying that now. I let my hands drop and looked back up to Levi.

"You still need to learn how to control your titan powers. Hopefully you won't be as hard as Eren." He turned and left. I clenched my fists tightly. I hated how he could be so cold sometimes. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. We killed titans for a living and I was one now. I didn't even want to look at myself. I couldn't blame anyone.

But I could blame whoever did them who did this to me.

I was going to find them and make them pay. Painfully.


	75. For Humanity Ch 5

I yawned and my breath rose in a hazy fog toward the moon, but it never reached it. I enjoyed the slight chill in the crisp air sweet on my tongue, the bugs singing their songs, the colored leaves rustling loudly in the slight breeze. It was beautiful.

I'd joined the Survey Corps not only to fight for the people around me, but to see what others dreamed of. This was wonderful, but outside the walls was something completely different. Exotic and addictive. Late nights were my forte. Jean stood not far from me struggling to stay awake, but not making much progress. Eren was walking the perimeter and by the sound of footsteps I knew he was close.

He rounded the corner and nodded to me. Jean snapped his head up for a brief second completely aware, but quickly slumped back down. Eren and I shared a chuckle.

"What's it like?" I asked quietly.

"Being a titan?" he looked at me with wide eyes. I nodded. "It's strange. It's hard to explain." I could understand that.

"What was I like?"

"Yours is a bit shorter than mine. You have less skin that mine does." I quirked a brow at that. "Part of your biceps are visible, as well as your thighs, and part of your abdomen. Other than that it's all skin."

"Hmm." I wondered if that meant anything.

"And your eyes." He kind of shivered, but I couldn't decide if it was from the chill in the wind or not. I gave him a quizzical look. "They're red and gold. It's weird and freaky." He shivered again. "Oh, and when you open your mouth your cheeks rip open."

"It's pretty bad ass." Jean said sounding more alert, but I could tell he was sleepy. Good thing our shift was almost up. Eren nodded in agreement.

We fell into a silence soon after. A comfortable one only disturbed by Jeans soft snoring.

I looked up at the moon and remembered a story my mother once told me.

The sky used to be empty except for the moon. There was a girl and every night she cried for the moon. She wished terribly to be with it. Every night she would spend talking to the moon, proclaiming her love. But she was human and grew old as people do, however, her love never did. When she died she was granted her one and only wish: to be with the moon forever, her true, intangible love. She was broken into a billion pieces and scattered throughout the sky so that she could be with her love forever.

I always did like that story. It was my mother's favorite to tell. I remember the first time I'd heard it and that night I'd stared at the night sky for so long I swore to my mother the stars danced, they waltzed like in the capital and the music was so sweet I hummed the tune for weeks.

I can't remember it for the life of me now.

I starred at the stars and tried to see them dance again, to hear their song, but they remained still and constant.

The world had a song. Maybe if I learned to listen heard enough I'd figure out what it was trying to say.


	76. For Humanity Ch 6

We moved a lot. I felt like an animal.

We'd been studying Eren the last few days, but now Hanji wanted to study me. She bounced excitedly as I held the knife to my skin. I closed my eyes and focused on my goal.

 _Turn into a Titan to fight. To protect._

I repeated it like mantra. My adrenaline escaladed, and I slashed the flesh between my thumb and fore-finger.

There was a shock, more like a pinch, which surprised me. I opened my eyes confused. I stood in my uniform clean and freshly pressed. I couldn't remember how I got here. I stood in front of my home. I looked behind me wondering what it was I was forgetting. I shrugged and approached the door. They would be so happy to see me home. I opened the door and found my mother in the living room with my youngest sister sitting next to her sewing a new dress.

They ran to hug me with tears in their eyes. Dad came in from the back yard and Mary ran down the stairs with a huge smile.

"Kira!" I snapped my head back to the still open door, but no one was there.

"Kira, it something wrong?" my mother wiped her hands on her tattered apron. I couldn't figure out why I had such an urgency about seeing them.

"No, I just thought I heard someone." There was still something off, nagging at the back of my mind, right on the tip on my tongue.

"Kira!" I turned to the voice in the door way. There was a man, older than me with narrow eyes and an undercut, wearing a Survey Corps uniform. Something about him seemed familiar, but I knew I had never saw him before. "Kira!" he yelled again. I was confused. I was right in front of him, so I didn't understand why he was yelling my name.

"Kira?" came my mother's soft voice. "Are you alright?" I frowned. Couldn't they see him? Still, I nodded with a soft smile. It was so good to have them back.

"Dammit girl, wake up!" he sounded so desperate, but I couldn't figure out why. "It's not real!" it was as if he stared right through me.

"What on earth are you talking about?" everything seemed off. Strange.

"Kira, listen to me." His voice became soft. For some reason it felt very uncharacteristic. "It's Levi."

"Levi." I rolled the name over my tongue. It was a nice name. I liked it very much. But it also sounded very familiar. He approached me slowly.

"This isn't real." I looked at my family standing to my right. They were so happy. I was so happy to be home. It'd been rough outside the walls this time. Home.

Levi placed his hands on my cheeks and I placed mine over his surprised at how lovely and familiar this felt even though I had no idea who this man was, at least, I didn't think I knew.

"Wake. Up."

"But I'm not asleep." I was so confused. "I don't know you." But for the life of me I couldn't push him away. "Who are you?" I looked into his grey eyes suddenly more alive than before.

"Wake up!" his voice seemed strained like he was losing patients.

"Are you listening to me?" I don't think he was.

His eyes dropped from mine, but not far. It happened too fast for me to react. His lips on mine, a sudden hunger that boiled in my veins, a flood of memories, a desire that threatened to destroy me right then and there. I pulled away because air was such a necessary thing. I looked at Levi suddenly recognizing him. I turned to my family in horror.

Blood soaked my mother's apron, Mary's hair, dad's shirt, Jema crumbled lifeless. Everything shattered. They disappeared. I felt the scream rush past my lips, but I didn't hear it.

I opened my eyes again and saw Hanji. She was small. In fact, everyone was.

"Kira! Can you hear me?" I nodded still disoriented. I felt something on my shoulder and faced a miniature Levi. I felt myself blush furiously at the sight of him.

"Do something useful will ya?" then it all clicked together. I was in my titan form. That was why everyone was tiny. I assumed Levi wanted down, so I lifted my hand for him to step into and then settled it on the ground.

 _How strange._

I stood and looked out over the tree tops. It was beautiful. Amazing how a few feet changed the perspective so much, well, several feet. I turned my attention to my new body. Eren's description had been fairly accurate except the tops of my hands and feet were also exposed muscle and tendons.

Hanji waving her arms caught my attention. I crouched down to hear her.

"Can you speak?" she called. I opened my mouth to reply, but all that came out was a gargled noise. I touched my throat in slight surprise. Hanji seemed to deflate at my inability to verbally communicate, but quickly regained her vigor.

She had me complete several tasks. Eren was right, being in titan form was strange. I knew my real body was in the nape of my neck, but I felt completely normal as a titan. As if I were just a giant human.

"Alright, you can come out now." I was beginning to think she'd never be satisfied, but I think it had more to do with the fact we needed to move our position again. I wasn't sure how to get out.

I tried focusing on me. My human form. My eyes, my hair, my skin tone, the way I twitched my nose when I didn't like something, the way Levi frustrated me beyond belief, the way I was usually looking up to someone.

I sucked in a deep breath as I was released from the flesh still holding my hands and feet. I wanted to collapse and sleep for maybe a decade. Or two.

A pair of hands helped pull me out while I fought for consciousness. Slower than molasses, my strength returned. Hanji smacked my face lightly to gain my focus. I nodded to whatever question she asked, but I didn't really hear it and by the way she frown I knew I'd answered wrong.

"Kira?" she was right in front of me, but her voice sounded far off. I struggled to bring myself to the present. It all came back eventually, but I was still exhausted, my arms felt weak and my legs like jelly. I stood and stretched my joints. I knew I would get used to the transition back to a human, but man it sucked right now.

"Are you alright?" I nodded to Eren and gave him a reassuring smile. He seemed satisfied and rejoined Armin.

"You're stronger than Eren was when he first shifted." Mikasa said coming up beside me. Eren glared at her, but she either ignored it or didn't care. I knew what she really wanted.

"You're right. I know that, but it's not as simple as just. . .becoming her. It's not like a switch I can turn on and off." I spoke softly, not wanting to gather attention from the others. Mikasa scanned the area around us as we enter the shaded timber.

I picked up my small bag containing my belongings. Mikasa made no move to grab hers. I knew she was thinking, maybe forming a plan.

"What caused you to change?" I wasn't sure to be honest. I'd never thought about it. What had caused me to change? It could have been Eren. No. It was something else.

"Levi I guess." I shrugged as if it were nothing. "Being forced on his team and all. I don't know." I didn't know why she wanted this information or how it would be useful in bring back Kira the Killer. I didn't want her back. I was scared of what I'd become, who I might hurt. I'm not sure I can become her again anyway.

Mikasa had moved on leaving me alone. I swung my bag on my back and joined the main group making their way through the woods.

Levi came up beside me and asked a question I wasn't expecting. "How do you think Free is?" I frowned and looked up to the tree tops. I missed him. Last time I saw his chubby little face he was just learning to walk. It's hard to believe it's been that long since I delivered him.

"I'm sure he's running all over their flat and causing trouble." Free was the only child Levi could stand. I'm not sure why. He wasn't there when I delivered Free or anything. I'd have to ask him, but now wasn't the time.

"I suppose so." He smiled slightly and I felt my heart skip back to that memory I relived earlier. Now it made since, of course, but the ignorant bliss had been amazing. Seeing them safe and happy, alive. Mary and Jema would be so old now. I might be an aunt. I clutched my shirt over my heart at the sharp pain that followed the thought. That pain quickly faded to a fluttered that reddened my cheeks as I thought _how_ I was brought out of my daze. I rubbed my nose in an attempt to subdue the blush, but it came back with fury. Fucking hell.


	77. For Humanity ch 7

I was standing another shift with Jean and Eren. We'd been at this current location for nearly a week, which was a new record. The plan was to hold out here while a couple of us snuck back into town to figure out what the hell was going on.

There wasn't much said that night. Both Eren and Jean were fighting off sleep, but in Eren's defense Hanji was pushing him pretty hard. Jean, however, didn't. I took the night shift because I wouldn't have to worry about sleep as much. I didn't want to risk a nightmare happening.

I think I'd figured out a solution to Mikasa's little favor. Now I just had to test it out.

"You ready?" I nodded to Levi and then Connie who came out right after him. I took the bag from Levi that contained my disguise. The three of us were heading into town for the day to get more supplies and see what was going on. Sasha filled in the rest of my shift.

We walked five miles to the gate. The sun was over the horizon now and we could hear the telltale sounds of civilization. I stuffed my short locks up under the blonde curls of the wig and ordered Levi and Connie to turn around while I put on a stupid dress. Levi had just rolled his eyes, but I saw real fear in Connie's at my threat.

Levi laced up the corset for me and it was a bit tight, but then again I hadn't worn one since I went to the capital with my grandfather when I was 12. The dress was incredibly pretty, a soft cream with white piping. I still wondered where Hanji got it, but I've learned not to underestimate that woman.

"Does it have to be so tight?" I struggled to breathe.

"It should be tighter actually, but your ribs weren't ever shaped for one, so you'll just have to suffer." I groaned loudly. I couldn't imagine it being tighter. I already had to take short gasps of breath. Connie peaked his head out around a tree he'd changed behind.

"Do all the ladies in the capital dress like _that_?" his eye's bugged a little. Levi nodded while looking me up and down.

"You need to act like I'm your fiancé if anyone asks question and Connie is our errand boy." Poor Connie pouted at that. He had a hat a size too big on that kept falling over his eyes.

"Your fiancé? Well, I don't remember and proper proposal, Sir Ackerman." I giggled in my best capital accent. Connie snickered, too. Then a thought occurred to me. Kira Ackerman. Yes, I like that a lot.

"Then what should our names be, Honey." I planned to milk this while I could.

"John and Amelia Kirkman."

"Come up with that yourself?"

"Hanji came up with it all." I felt my cheeks redden slightly. _Hanji you dog._


End file.
